Never Again - Chapter 2
Sorry I'm posting these all so close together :)
Dear mom and dad,
I'm sorry that I'm gone now. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to stay for another day. I wish I could be happy again, but it's just not going to happen. Celia left me, and I know how you all feel right now. It's not a normal feeling. You miss me, but you hate me for leaving you. Tell Marcus he never had a chance with me. By the time you're reading this hopefully I won't have chickened out. If I have, you'll send me to some mental institution won't you? I can't let my last days end in sorrow. I am determined to make these last few moments the best of my life. I will try to leave you with good memories, but it won't be easy. There are a few things I want to just tell you before I go.
I couldn't bring myself to write any more. I used to write these letters all the time, but now I can't. Now that I know that I'm really going to do it. I'm going to follow Celia down that ill-fated path. I crumple up the piece of paper and throw it into the recycle bin. I climbed up onto my bed and picked up my journal. The darkest place on earth. All of my deepest thoughts swirled around in my journal, everything I think goes into the journal. I used to keep track of what happened in my dreams, then I lost it. The journal, I mean. Well, and I guess I kind of lost my marbles, if you know what I mean. I used to be a pretty average kid, until I got the part in that commercial. It was a commercial for a mid-sized sedan for a local car dealership. I was 6, and Celia was 7. I had never been a girly girl, but Celia was Girly to the max. She had her hair in perfect curls, and mascara made her eyelashes look miles long. For the commercial, she had to take all of her makeup off and actually look like an average child. Her mom was upset about this, but was confident in her daughter's ability to become a famous actress/model.
Celia's mom made Celia try out for plays, talent shows, and go to daily singing lessons. If I ever thought that me and my mom had a distant relationship, then I was 100% wrong. And the worst part was Celia didn't say anything. She let the anger build up. She only told me about her thoughts, and even then they were censored. I found this out when the police found her journal, and read part of it aloud in a press conference. Parents around our county were terrified that their children would commit suicide just because of Celia's example. I guess I was just what they were afraid of.
"So. Umm... Jenn when did you want to come over to work on the commercial?"Jeff asked through the phone. It was Saturday, and I really didn't want to be anywhere near Marcus. He acted as if I needed him, and he had to know that I didn't need anyone. I had everything I needed on that highway. My sketchbook, me, and the stars.
"Um, well Jeff... I can't come over. I'm really not feeling good. You and Marcus can start without me."I lied.
"Ok... Well I'll just go call...Ummm... Yeah, Marcus."
I hung up then, and waited. It was still only 11:30. I normally waited until about 12:00 to leave, but since its Saturday my parents stay up a little bit later.
My phone started ringing all of a sudden, which didn't make sense for two reasons, first, I had just gotten off the phone with Jeff, and no one else had a good reason to be calling me this late. Second, it was an unknown number. I picked up cautiously, "Hello?"
"Hey, bitch. You don't honestly expect me to spend my Saturday night with Jeff just 'cause you wanna fake sick?"Marcus whispered into the phone.
"Why the hell are you whispering? And really, I'm sick."
"I'm whispering because my mom's actually sick. She's trying to sleep. Anyway, so what you're saying is, if I were to drive my truck down the highway I wouldn't see you walking? 'Cause you're sick?"he asked, tauntingly.
"No. I'm in for the night."I lied.
"I'll be looking for you, Ms. Fisher."
"Thanks, that's not creepy at all."I said dryly
Looks like I was staying home on this lovely Saturday night. For the first time since...well... probably the beginning of last summer. Since Celia died.
Sorry this chapter is so short :) Promise the next one will be longer!!
I'm sorry that I'm gone now. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to stay for another day. I wish I could be happy again, but it's just not going to happen. Celia left me, and I know how you all feel right now. It's not a normal feeling. You miss me, but you hate me for leaving you. Tell Marcus he never had a chance with me. By the time you're reading this hopefully I won't have chickened out. If I have, you'll send me to some mental institution won't you? I can't let my last days end in sorrow. I am determined to make these last few moments the best of my life. I will try to leave you with good memories, but it won't be easy. There are a few things I want to just tell you before I go.
I couldn't bring myself to write any more. I used to write these letters all the time, but now I can't. Now that I know that I'm really going to do it. I'm going to follow Celia down that ill-fated path. I crumple up the piece of paper and throw it into the recycle bin. I climbed up onto my bed and picked up my journal. The darkest place on earth. All of my deepest thoughts swirled around in my journal, everything I think goes into the journal. I used to keep track of what happened in my dreams, then I lost it. The journal, I mean. Well, and I guess I kind of lost my marbles, if you know what I mean. I used to be a pretty average kid, until I got the part in that commercial. It was a commercial for a mid-sized sedan for a local car dealership. I was 6, and Celia was 7. I had never been a girly girl, but Celia was Girly to the max. She had her hair in perfect curls, and mascara made her eyelashes look miles long. For the commercial, she had to take all of her makeup off and actually look like an average child. Her mom was upset about this, but was confident in her daughter's ability to become a famous actress/model.
Celia's mom made Celia try out for plays, talent shows, and go to daily singing lessons. If I ever thought that me and my mom had a distant relationship, then I was 100% wrong. And the worst part was Celia didn't say anything. She let the anger build up. She only told me about her thoughts, and even then they were censored. I found this out when the police found her journal, and read part of it aloud in a press conference. Parents around our county were terrified that their children would commit suicide just because of Celia's example. I guess I was just what they were afraid of.
"So. Umm... Jenn when did you want to come over to work on the commercial?"Jeff asked through the phone. It was Saturday, and I really didn't want to be anywhere near Marcus. He acted as if I needed him, and he had to know that I didn't need anyone. I had everything I needed on that highway. My sketchbook, me, and the stars.
"Um, well Jeff... I can't come over. I'm really not feeling good. You and Marcus can start without me."I lied.
"Ok... Well I'll just go call...Ummm... Yeah, Marcus."
I hung up then, and waited. It was still only 11:30. I normally waited until about 12:00 to leave, but since its Saturday my parents stay up a little bit later.
My phone started ringing all of a sudden, which didn't make sense for two reasons, first, I had just gotten off the phone with Jeff, and no one else had a good reason to be calling me this late. Second, it was an unknown number. I picked up cautiously, "Hello?"
"Hey, bitch. You don't honestly expect me to spend my Saturday night with Jeff just 'cause you wanna fake sick?"Marcus whispered into the phone.
"Why the hell are you whispering? And really, I'm sick."
"I'm whispering because my mom's actually sick. She's trying to sleep. Anyway, so what you're saying is, if I were to drive my truck down the highway I wouldn't see you walking? 'Cause you're sick?"he asked, tauntingly.
"No. I'm in for the night."I lied.
"I'll be looking for you, Ms. Fisher."
"Thanks, that's not creepy at all."I said dryly
Looks like I was staying home on this lovely Saturday night. For the first time since...well... probably the beginning of last summer. Since Celia died.
Sorry this chapter is so short :) Promise the next one will be longer!!
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