Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissists and Psychopaths on the Internet
The Internet allows us to replicate ourselves and our words (through vanity desktop publishing, blogs, and posting online content on Web sites), to playact our favorite roles, to communicate instantly with thousands (narrowcasting), to influence others, and, in general, to realize some of our narcissistic dreams and tendencies.
The Narcissist as a Failure and a Loser
They laze about, indulge themselves in a variety of idle and trivial pursuits, seek entertainment and thrills wherever and whenever they can, and while their lives away, at once content and bitter.
Adult Children of Narcissists
Adult children of narcissists adopt one of two solutions: entanglement or detachment.
The Narcissistic Patient - A Case Study
Life, bemoans Sam, has dealt him a bad hand. He is consistently and repeatedly victimized by his clients, for instance. They take credit for his ideas and leverage them to promote themselves, but then fail to re-hire him as a consultant.
Is the Narcissist Legally Insane?
The narcissist suffers from uncontrollable rage and grandiose fantasies. Most narcissists are also mildly obsessive-compulsive. Yet, all narcissists should be held accountable to the vast and overwhelming majority of their actions.
Trends for a Not-so-new Millennium
Consider these self-evident "truths" and "certainties". We construct maps of the world around us, using cognitive models, organizational principles, and narratives that we acquire in the process of socialization.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Prevalence and Comorbidity
What is the Difference between Healthy Narcissism and the Pathological Kind?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Narcissist vs. Psychopath
It is hard to distinguish narcissists from psychopaths. The latter may simply be a less inhibited and less grandiose form of the former.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Diagnostic Criteria
The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is not a new psychological construct.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Clinical Features
Opinions vary as to whether the narcissistic traits evident in in infancy, childhood, and early adolescence are pathological.
Narcissism and Personality Disorders
Are all personality disorders the outcomes of frustrated narcissism?
The Narcissist’s Victims
Sooner, or later, everyone around the narcissist is bound to become his victim. People are sucked – voluntarily or involuntarily – into the turbulence that constitutes his life, into the black hole that is his personality, into the whirlwind, which makes up his interpersonal relationships.
The Guilt of Others
Am I to blame for my husband's/child's/parent's mental state and behaviour? Is there anything that I can or should do to help him or to reach him?
Self-Awareness and Healing
If the narcissist becomes self-aware, if he accepts that he is a narcissist, isn't this the first, important step, towards healing?
Narcissism at a Glance
Secondary or pathological narcissism is a pattern of thinking and behaving in adolescence and adulthood, which involves infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of others.
Who is a Narcissist?
All of us have narcissistic TRAITS. Some of us even develop a narcissistic PERSONALITY, or a narcissistic STYLE.
The Compulsive Giver
To all appearances, the compulsive giver is an altruistic, empathic, and caring person. Actually, he or she is a people-pleaser and a codependent...
Idealization, Grandiosity, Cathexis, and Narcissistic Progress
The narcissist cathexes (emotionally invests) with grandiosity everything he owns or does: his nearest and dearest, his work, his environment. But, as time passes, this pathologically intense aura fades. The narcissist finds fault with things and people he had first thought impeccable. He energetically berates and denigrates that which he equally zealously exulted and praised only a short while before.
The Narcissist's Inner Judge
The narcissist is besieged and tormented by a sadistic superego which sits in constant judgment. It is an amalgamation of negative evaluations, criticisms, angry or disappointed voices, and disparagement meted out in the narcissist's formative years and adolescence by parents, peers, role models, and authority figures.
The Conflicts of Therapy
Ideally, after a period of combined tutoring, talk therapy, and (anti-anxiety or antidepressant) medications, the survivor will self-mobilize and emerge from the experience more resilient and assertive and less gullible and self-deprecating.
The Narcissist as Eternal Child
"Puer Aeternus" - the eternal adolescent, the semipternal Peter pan - is a phenomenon often associated with pathological narcissism. People who refuse to grow up strike others as self-centered and aloof, petulant and brattish, haughty and demanding - in short: as childish or infantile.
Pathological Narcissism, Psychosis, and Delusions
One of the most important symptoms of pathological narcissism (the Narcissistic Personality Disorder) is grandiosity. Grandiose fantasies (megalomaniac delusions of grandeur) permeate every aspect of the narcissist's personality.
The Prodigy as Narcissistic Injury
The prodigy - the precocious "genius" - feels entitled to special treatment. Yet, he rarely gets it. This frustrates him and renders him even more aggressive, driven, and overachieving than he is by nature.
Indifference and Decompensation in Pathological Narcissism
The narcissist lacks empathy. Consequently, he is not really interested in the lives, emotions, needs, preferences, and hopes of people around him.
Inner Dialog, Cognitive Deficits, and Introjects in Narcissism
The narcissist lacks empathy. He is, therefore, unable to meaningfully relate to other people and to truly appreciate what it is to be human. Instead, he withdraws inside, into a universe populated by avatars – simple or complex representations of parents, peers, role models, authority figures, and other members of his social milieu.
The Narcissism of Differences Big and Small
Freud coined the phrase "narcissism of small differences" in a paper titled "The Taboo of Virginity" that he published in 1917. Referring to earlier work by British anthropologist Ernest Crawley, he said that we reserve our most virulent emotions - aggression, hatred, envy - towards those who resemble us the most. We feel threatened not by the Other with whom we have little in common - but by the "nearly-we", who mirror and reflect us.
The Intermittent Explosive Narcissist
Narcissists invariably react with narcissistic rage to narcissistic injury.
The Narcissist and His Friends
Both Sherlock Holmes and Hercules Poirot, the world's most renowned fiction detectives, are quintessential narcissists. Both are also schizoids – they have few friends and are largely confined to their homes, engaged in solitary activities. Both have fatuous, sluggish, and anodyne sidekicks who slavishly cater to their whims and needs and provide them with an adulating gallery – Holmes' Dr. Watson and Poirot's poor Hastings.
Chronos and Narcissus
I consider the numerous chances I was given and how I blew them. The sponsors I eroded with my infantile indecisiveness and amateurish attitude. The businesses I drove to bankruptcy with my narcissistic temper tantrums and superiority contests.
The Losses of the Narcissist
Losing my wife - with whom I spent nine years of my life - was devastating. I felt denuded and annulled. But once the divorce was over, I forgot about her completely. I deleted her memory so thoroughly that I very rarely think and never dream about her.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part XII
Mcdonnell: Over the years it struck me that certain people are obsessed with 'beauty'. They want to be beautiful, and they want to live in a beautiful world, where there is no 'ugliness'. I confess to being vain, but my tastes are not always the best.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part XI
McDonnell: The man or woman who is all smiles and good cheer, seductive and complimentary, and then they say 'the most undermining thing' to you, according to Mike Albo. He wrote "The Underminer or The Best Friend who Casually Destroys Your Life", a book narrated by such a character.
The Self-Deprecating Narcissist
I have a riotous, subtle, ironic, and sharpened sense of humour. I can be self-deprecating and self-effacing.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part X
Mcdonnell: In my mind's eye I envision a bunch of psychiatrists discussing evil, and trying to formulate a range of evil. They also questioned their ability to make moral judgments on evil. Many of those present have treated some very sick people. It must be disturbing for them to see into the blackness of the human psyche and they probably want to know the how and why of evil. So do
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part IX
McDonnell: In the Past week I have observed the actions of several people I think suffer from NPD. My conclusion - that they were NPD- did not come quickly.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part VIII
McDonnell: Where would we be without narcissists? There would probably be no great works of art, or of science. Great empires would not exist. The ego and self esteem necessary for creating something new is found partially in the mirror of a narcissist's soul; they need to be admired and only by creating or destroying, can they attain that goal.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part VII
Perhaps the study of an extreme group of people can give us some insight into why this dyad of NPD/victim comes about. What's in it for either party? You may or may not be familiar with the BDSM crowd - otherwise known as sadists and masochists - that are forms of algolagnia, the love of pain.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part VI
McDonnell: Is this why this disorder exists? Just because the world has dealt you a bad hand of cards, you have to play anyway, and we all loose in the end. If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part V
As far as insisting on the dyad nature of narcissist, it takes two to tango, and narcissist do not exist in a social vacuum. There are two sides to the coin of a narcissist, the other side being the victim.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part IV
An ordinary person who meets a narcissist will find them to be marvelous and exciting people, and narcissists will work at being just that, projecting an aura of power, sex, intellect or whatever, to lure in their victim/supply.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part III
We had agreed to keep out any personal experiences in our exchanges, but it is very hard to intellectualize, at least for me, my interactions with narcissistic people and NPDs.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part II
Unlike the narcissistic sub group described in their book "Personality Disorders in Modern Life", by Theodore Millon and Roger Davis, I believe the "Masochistic or Self-Defeating Personality Disorder", better describes the victims of narcissists.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part I
My first question for you, or the topic of discussion that we can bat around first, is this; is there such a thing as a good narcissist? All that I have seen written on people with NPD tends to be negative.
The Depressive Narcissist
While the distinction between reactive (exogenous) and endogenous depression is obsolete, it is still useful in the context of narcissism. Narcissists react with depression not only to life crises but to fluctuations in Narcissistic Supply.
Grandiosity Bubbles
A Grandiosity Bubble is an imagined, self-aggrandizing, narrative involving the narcissist and elements from his real life – people around him, places he frequents, or conversations he is having. The narcissist weaves a story incorporating these facts, inflating them in the process and endowing them with bogus internal meaning and consistency.
The Misanthropic Altruist
In the narcissist's wasteland of a life, even his benevolence is spiteful, sadistic, punitive, and distancing.
The Narcissist's Time
To the narcissist - and more so, to the psychopath - the future is a hazy concept. This misperception of time - a cognitive deficit - is due to a confluence of several narcissistic traits. The narcissist inhabits an eternal present.
The Pathological Charmer
The narcissist is confident that people find him irresistible. His unfailing charm is part of his self-imputed omnipotence. This inane conviction is what makes the narcissist a "pathological charmer".
The Narcissist - From Abuse to Suicide
When the victim realizes that the abuse he suffered is now an integral part of his very being, a determinant of his self-identity, and that he is doomed to bear his pains and fears, shackled to his trauma, and tortured by it – suicide often appears to be a benign alternative.
Back to La-la Land
Relationships with narcissists peter out slowly and tortuously. Narcissists do not provide closure. They stalk. They cajole, beg, promise, persuade, and, ultimately, succeed in doing the impossible yet again: sweep you off your feet, though you know better than to succumb to their spurious and superficial charms.
The Cult of the Narcissist
The narcissist is the guru at the center of a cult. Like other gurus, he demands complete obedience from his flock: his spouse, his offspring, other family members, friends, and colleagues.
The Adolescent Narcissist
Donovan, 16 years old, is incapable of loving and, therefore, has never loved you, his mother (or, for that matter, anyone else, himself included) in his entire life.
Is the Narcissist Ever Sorry?
Doesn't the narcissist ever feel sorry for his "victims"? The narcissist always feels bad. He experiences all manner of depressive episodes and lesser dysphoric moods. He goes through a full panoply of mood disorders and anxiety disorders.
Responsibility and Other Matters
The narcissist is not entirely responsible for his actions. Should we judge him, get angry at him, be upset by him? Above all, should we communicate to him our displeasure?
Pathological Narcissism - Getting Better
Can a narcissist ever get better and, if not, how should his partner end a relationship with him?
Exploitation by a Narcissist
In his drive for Narcissistic Supply, would the narcissist be callous enough to exploit the tragedy of others, if this exploitation were to secure him a new Supply Source?
Can the Narcissist Have a Meaningful Life?
This existential angst that permeates the narcissist's every cell is atavistic and irrational. It has no name or likeness. It is like the monsters in every child's bedroom with the lights turned off.
The Narcissist's Confabulated Life
Confabulations are an important part of life. They serve to heal emotional wounds or to prevent ones from being inflicted in the first place.
The Narcissist's Reality Substitutes
Pathological narcissism is a defense mechanism intended to isolate the narcissist from his environment and to shield him from hurt and injury, both real and imagined.
Acquired Situational Narcissism
But can narcissism be acquired or learned? Can it be provoked by certain, well-defined, situations?
The Professions of the Narcissist
The narcissist naturally gravitates towards those professions which guarantee the abundant and uninterrupted provision of narcissistic supply.
The Two Loves of the Narcissist
Narcissists "love" their spouses or other significant others – as long as they continue to reliably provide them with Narcissistic Supply (in one word, with attention).
Misdiagnosing Narcissism - Asperger's Disorder
Asperger's Disorder is often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), though evident as early as age 3 (while pathological narcissism cannot be safely diagnosed prior to early adolescence).
Curing and Healing Narcissism
Narcissism constitutes the entire personality. It is all-pervasive. Being a narcissist is akin to being an alcoholic but much more so.
The Adrenaline Junkie
Narcissistic supply is exciting. When it is available, the narcissist feels elated, omnipotent, omniscient, handsome, sexy, adventurous, invincible, and irresistible. When it is missing, the narcissist first enters a manic phase of trying to replenish his supply and, if he fails, the narcissist shrivels, withdraws and is reduced to a zombie-like state of numbness.
Abusing the Narcissist
Narcissists attract abuse. Haughty, exploitative, demanding, insensitive, and quarrelsome - they tend to draw opprobrium and provoke anger and even hatred. Sorely lacking in interpersonal skills, devoid of empathy, and steeped in irksome grandiose fantasies - they invariably fail to mitigate the irritation and revolt that they induce in others.
The Cyber Narcissist
To the narcissist, the Internet is an alluring and irresistible combination of playground and hunting grounds, the gathering place of numerous potential sources of narcissistic supply, a world where false identities are the norm and mind games the bon ton. And it is beyond the reach of the law, the pale of social norms, the strictures of civilized conduct.
Narcissism, Substance Abuse, and Reckless Behaviours
Pathological narcissism is an addiction to narcissistic supply, the narcissist's drug of choice. It is, therefore, not surprising that other addictive and reckless behaviours - workaholism, alcoholism, drug abuse, pathological gambling, compulsory shopping, or reckless driving - piggyback on this primary dependence.
The Delusional Way Out
The "grandiosity gap" (between a fantastically grandiose - and unlimited - self-image and actual - limited - accomplishments and achievements) is grating. Its recurrence threatens the precariously balanced house of cards that is the narcissistic personality.
Pathological Narcissism - A Dysfunction or a Blessing?
Healthy narcissism is a mature, balanced love of oneself coupled with a stable sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Healthy narcissism implies knowledge of one's boundaries and a proportionate and realistic appraisal of one's achievements and traits.
Collective Narcissism - Narcissism, Culture, and Society
Pathological narcissism is a ubiquitous phenomenon because every human being - regardless of the nature of his society and culture - develops healthy narcissism early in life.
Can the Narcissist Get Better?
I love him. I cannot leave him like that. He is like a crippled small child. My heart goes out to him. Will he ever get better? Can he ever get better?
Self Love and Self Destruction
If narcissists love themselves and are so self-centered, why do they have all these self-destructive and self-defeating behaviours? Isn't this a contradiction?
Do Narcissists Hate Women?
Narcissists abhor and dread getting emotionally intimate. The cerebral ones regard sex as a maintenance chore, something they have to do in order to keep their source of Secondary Supply. The somatic narcissist treats women as objects and sex as a means to obtaining narcissistic supply.
How to Cope with a Narcissist?
I finally mustered the courage and determination to divorce him. But he refuses to let go, he threatens me and stalks and harasses me. I am sometimes afraid for my life. He is also a convincing pathological liar. I am afraid he will turn the judge against me...
What is a Narcissist?
All of us have narcissistic TRAITS. Some of us even develop a narcissistic PERSONALITY. Moreover, narcissism is a SPECTRUM of behaviours - from the healthy to the utterly pathological (known as the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD).
Taming the Beast: Pathological Narcissism and the Quality of Life
Many textbooks (and many patients ...) claim that the psychodynamic therapies when applied to personality disorders are ineffective. Functional (cognitive, behavioral) treatments should be preferred in certain cases and regarding certain aspects of the disorder. To a Narcissist, I would recommend a beavioral-cognitive-functional and less protracted type of therapy.
A Letter about Trust
The Narcissistic condition emanates from a seismic break of trust, a tectonic shift of what should have been a healthy relationship with his "primary objects" and the transformation of his self into the subject of love. Some of these bad feelings are the result of deeply entrenched misunderstandings regarding the nature of trust and the continuous act of trusting.
Relationships with Abusive Narcissists
Living with a narcissist can be exhilarating, is always onerous, often harrowing. Surviving a relationship with a narcissist indicates, therefore, the parameters of the personality of the survivor. She (or, more rarely, he) is moulded by the relationship into The Typical Narcissistic Mate/Partner/Spouse.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder at a Glance
Most narcissists (75%) are men. NPD (=the Narcissistic Personality Disorder) is one of a "family" of personality disorders (formerly known as "Cluster B"). Other members: Borderline PD, Antisocial PD and Histrionic PD. NPD is often diagnosed with other mental health disorders ("co-morbidity") - or with substance abuse, or impulsive and reckless behaviours ("dual diagnosis").
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Society and Emotions
The ethnopsychologist George Devereux ("Basic Problems of Ethnopsychiatry", University of Chicago Press, 1980) suggested to divide the unconscious into the id (the part that was always instinctual and unconscious) and the "ethnic unconscious" (repressed material that was once conscious). The latter includes all our defence mechanisms and most of the superego.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - The Family and Upbringing
The family is the mainspring of support of every kind. It mobilizes psychological resources and alleviates emotional burdens. It allows for the sharing of tasks, provides material supplies coupled with cognitive training. It is the prime socialization agent and encourages the absorption of information, most of it useful and adaptive.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Schools of Thought
Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) is credited with the promulgation and presentation of a first coherent theory of narcissism. He described transitions from subject-directed libido to object-directed libido through the intermediation and agency of the parents. To be healthy and functional, the transitions must be smooth and unperturbed. Neuroses are the results of such perturbations.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Formative Years
The common view is that we go through the stages of a linear development. We are propelled forward by forces. Various psychoanalytic and psychodynamic models incorporate the libido (force of life) and Thanatos (force of death) in Freud's thinking, Meaning in Frenkel's, socially mediated phenomena (Adler, Behaviourism), cultural context (Horney), interpersonal relations (Sullivan) and neurobiological and neurochemical forces, to mention but a few schools.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - An Introduction
A pattern of traits and behaviours which signify infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of all others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one's gratification, dominance and ambition.
Adult children of narcissists adopt one of two solutions: entanglement or detachment.
The Narcissistic Patient - A Case Study
Life, bemoans Sam, has dealt him a bad hand. He is consistently and repeatedly victimized by his clients, for instance. They take credit for his ideas and leverage them to promote themselves, but then fail to re-hire him as a consultant.
Is the Narcissist Legally Insane?
The narcissist suffers from uncontrollable rage and grandiose fantasies. Most narcissists are also mildly obsessive-compulsive. Yet, all narcissists should be held accountable to the vast and overwhelming majority of their actions.
Trends for a Not-so-new Millennium
Consider these self-evident "truths" and "certainties". We construct maps of the world around us, using cognitive models, organizational principles, and narratives that we acquire in the process of socialization.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Prevalence and Comorbidity
What is the Difference between Healthy Narcissism and the Pathological Kind?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Narcissist vs. Psychopath
It is hard to distinguish narcissists from psychopaths. The latter may simply be a less inhibited and less grandiose form of the former.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Diagnostic Criteria
The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is not a new psychological construct.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Clinical Features
Opinions vary as to whether the narcissistic traits evident in in infancy, childhood, and early adolescence are pathological.
Narcissism and Personality Disorders
Are all personality disorders the outcomes of frustrated narcissism?
The Narcissist’s Victims
Sooner, or later, everyone around the narcissist is bound to become his victim. People are sucked – voluntarily or involuntarily – into the turbulence that constitutes his life, into the black hole that is his personality, into the whirlwind, which makes up his interpersonal relationships.
The Guilt of Others
Am I to blame for my husband's/child's/parent's mental state and behaviour? Is there anything that I can or should do to help him or to reach him?
Self-Awareness and Healing
If the narcissist becomes self-aware, if he accepts that he is a narcissist, isn't this the first, important step, towards healing?
Narcissism at a Glance
Secondary or pathological narcissism is a pattern of thinking and behaving in adolescence and adulthood, which involves infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of others.
Who is a Narcissist?
All of us have narcissistic TRAITS. Some of us even develop a narcissistic PERSONALITY, or a narcissistic STYLE.
The Compulsive Giver
To all appearances, the compulsive giver is an altruistic, empathic, and caring person. Actually, he or she is a people-pleaser and a codependent...
Idealization, Grandiosity, Cathexis, and Narcissistic Progress
The narcissist cathexes (emotionally invests) with grandiosity everything he owns or does: his nearest and dearest, his work, his environment. But, as time passes, this pathologically intense aura fades. The narcissist finds fault with things and people he had first thought impeccable. He energetically berates and denigrates that which he equally zealously exulted and praised only a short while before.
The Narcissist's Inner Judge
The narcissist is besieged and tormented by a sadistic superego which sits in constant judgment. It is an amalgamation of negative evaluations, criticisms, angry or disappointed voices, and disparagement meted out in the narcissist's formative years and adolescence by parents, peers, role models, and authority figures.
The Conflicts of Therapy
Ideally, after a period of combined tutoring, talk therapy, and (anti-anxiety or antidepressant) medications, the survivor will self-mobilize and emerge from the experience more resilient and assertive and less gullible and self-deprecating.
The Narcissist as Eternal Child
"Puer Aeternus" - the eternal adolescent, the semipternal Peter pan - is a phenomenon often associated with pathological narcissism. People who refuse to grow up strike others as self-centered and aloof, petulant and brattish, haughty and demanding - in short: as childish or infantile.
Pathological Narcissism, Psychosis, and Delusions
One of the most important symptoms of pathological narcissism (the Narcissistic Personality Disorder) is grandiosity. Grandiose fantasies (megalomaniac delusions of grandeur) permeate every aspect of the narcissist's personality.
The Prodigy as Narcissistic Injury
The prodigy - the precocious "genius" - feels entitled to special treatment. Yet, he rarely gets it. This frustrates him and renders him even more aggressive, driven, and overachieving than he is by nature.
Indifference and Decompensation in Pathological Narcissism
The narcissist lacks empathy. Consequently, he is not really interested in the lives, emotions, needs, preferences, and hopes of people around him.
Inner Dialog, Cognitive Deficits, and Introjects in Narcissism
The narcissist lacks empathy. He is, therefore, unable to meaningfully relate to other people and to truly appreciate what it is to be human. Instead, he withdraws inside, into a universe populated by avatars – simple or complex representations of parents, peers, role models, authority figures, and other members of his social milieu.
The Narcissism of Differences Big and Small
Freud coined the phrase "narcissism of small differences" in a paper titled "The Taboo of Virginity" that he published in 1917. Referring to earlier work by British anthropologist Ernest Crawley, he said that we reserve our most virulent emotions - aggression, hatred, envy - towards those who resemble us the most. We feel threatened not by the Other with whom we have little in common - but by the "nearly-we", who mirror and reflect us.
The Intermittent Explosive Narcissist
Narcissists invariably react with narcissistic rage to narcissistic injury.
The Narcissist and His Friends
Both Sherlock Holmes and Hercules Poirot, the world's most renowned fiction detectives, are quintessential narcissists. Both are also schizoids – they have few friends and are largely confined to their homes, engaged in solitary activities. Both have fatuous, sluggish, and anodyne sidekicks who slavishly cater to their whims and needs and provide them with an adulating gallery – Holmes' Dr. Watson and Poirot's poor Hastings.
Chronos and Narcissus
I consider the numerous chances I was given and how I blew them. The sponsors I eroded with my infantile indecisiveness and amateurish attitude. The businesses I drove to bankruptcy with my narcissistic temper tantrums and superiority contests.
The Losses of the Narcissist
Losing my wife - with whom I spent nine years of my life - was devastating. I felt denuded and annulled. But once the divorce was over, I forgot about her completely. I deleted her memory so thoroughly that I very rarely think and never dream about her.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part XII
Mcdonnell: Over the years it struck me that certain people are obsessed with 'beauty'. They want to be beautiful, and they want to live in a beautiful world, where there is no 'ugliness'. I confess to being vain, but my tastes are not always the best.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part XI
McDonnell: The man or woman who is all smiles and good cheer, seductive and complimentary, and then they say 'the most undermining thing' to you, according to Mike Albo. He wrote "The Underminer or The Best Friend who Casually Destroys Your Life", a book narrated by such a character.
The Self-Deprecating Narcissist
I have a riotous, subtle, ironic, and sharpened sense of humour. I can be self-deprecating and self-effacing.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part X
Mcdonnell: In my mind's eye I envision a bunch of psychiatrists discussing evil, and trying to formulate a range of evil. They also questioned their ability to make moral judgments on evil. Many of those present have treated some very sick people. It must be disturbing for them to see into the blackness of the human psyche and they probably want to know the how and why of evil. So do
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part IX
McDonnell: In the Past week I have observed the actions of several people I think suffer from NPD. My conclusion - that they were NPD- did not come quickly.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part VIII
McDonnell: Where would we be without narcissists? There would probably be no great works of art, or of science. Great empires would not exist. The ego and self esteem necessary for creating something new is found partially in the mirror of a narcissist's soul; they need to be admired and only by creating or destroying, can they attain that goal.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part VII
Perhaps the study of an extreme group of people can give us some insight into why this dyad of NPD/victim comes about. What's in it for either party? You may or may not be familiar with the BDSM crowd - otherwise known as sadists and masochists - that are forms of algolagnia, the love of pain.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part VI
McDonnell: Is this why this disorder exists? Just because the world has dealt you a bad hand of cards, you have to play anyway, and we all loose in the end. If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part V
As far as insisting on the dyad nature of narcissist, it takes two to tango, and narcissist do not exist in a social vacuum. There are two sides to the coin of a narcissist, the other side being the victim.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part IV
An ordinary person who meets a narcissist will find them to be marvelous and exciting people, and narcissists will work at being just that, projecting an aura of power, sex, intellect or whatever, to lure in their victim/supply.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part III
We had agreed to keep out any personal experiences in our exchanges, but it is very hard to intellectualize, at least for me, my interactions with narcissistic people and NPDs.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part II
Unlike the narcissistic sub group described in their book "Personality Disorders in Modern Life", by Theodore Millon and Roger Davis, I believe the "Masochistic or Self-Defeating Personality Disorder", better describes the victims of narcissists.
Dialogs about Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse - Part I
My first question for you, or the topic of discussion that we can bat around first, is this; is there such a thing as a good narcissist? All that I have seen written on people with NPD tends to be negative.
The Depressive Narcissist
While the distinction between reactive (exogenous) and endogenous depression is obsolete, it is still useful in the context of narcissism. Narcissists react with depression not only to life crises but to fluctuations in Narcissistic Supply.
Grandiosity Bubbles
A Grandiosity Bubble is an imagined, self-aggrandizing, narrative involving the narcissist and elements from his real life – people around him, places he frequents, or conversations he is having. The narcissist weaves a story incorporating these facts, inflating them in the process and endowing them with bogus internal meaning and consistency.
The Misanthropic Altruist
In the narcissist's wasteland of a life, even his benevolence is spiteful, sadistic, punitive, and distancing.
The Narcissist's Time
To the narcissist - and more so, to the psychopath - the future is a hazy concept. This misperception of time - a cognitive deficit - is due to a confluence of several narcissistic traits. The narcissist inhabits an eternal present.
The Pathological Charmer
The narcissist is confident that people find him irresistible. His unfailing charm is part of his self-imputed omnipotence. This inane conviction is what makes the narcissist a "pathological charmer".
The Narcissist - From Abuse to Suicide
When the victim realizes that the abuse he suffered is now an integral part of his very being, a determinant of his self-identity, and that he is doomed to bear his pains and fears, shackled to his trauma, and tortured by it – suicide often appears to be a benign alternative.
Back to La-la Land
Relationships with narcissists peter out slowly and tortuously. Narcissists do not provide closure. They stalk. They cajole, beg, promise, persuade, and, ultimately, succeed in doing the impossible yet again: sweep you off your feet, though you know better than to succumb to their spurious and superficial charms.
The Cult of the Narcissist
The narcissist is the guru at the center of a cult. Like other gurus, he demands complete obedience from his flock: his spouse, his offspring, other family members, friends, and colleagues.
The Adolescent Narcissist
Donovan, 16 years old, is incapable of loving and, therefore, has never loved you, his mother (or, for that matter, anyone else, himself included) in his entire life.
Is the Narcissist Ever Sorry?
Doesn't the narcissist ever feel sorry for his "victims"? The narcissist always feels bad. He experiences all manner of depressive episodes and lesser dysphoric moods. He goes through a full panoply of mood disorders and anxiety disorders.
Responsibility and Other Matters
The narcissist is not entirely responsible for his actions. Should we judge him, get angry at him, be upset by him? Above all, should we communicate to him our displeasure?
Pathological Narcissism - Getting Better
Can a narcissist ever get better and, if not, how should his partner end a relationship with him?
Exploitation by a Narcissist
In his drive for Narcissistic Supply, would the narcissist be callous enough to exploit the tragedy of others, if this exploitation were to secure him a new Supply Source?
Can the Narcissist Have a Meaningful Life?
This existential angst that permeates the narcissist's every cell is atavistic and irrational. It has no name or likeness. It is like the monsters in every child's bedroom with the lights turned off.
The Narcissist's Confabulated Life
Confabulations are an important part of life. They serve to heal emotional wounds or to prevent ones from being inflicted in the first place.
The Narcissist's Reality Substitutes
Pathological narcissism is a defense mechanism intended to isolate the narcissist from his environment and to shield him from hurt and injury, both real and imagined.
Acquired Situational Narcissism
But can narcissism be acquired or learned? Can it be provoked by certain, well-defined, situations?
The Professions of the Narcissist
The narcissist naturally gravitates towards those professions which guarantee the abundant and uninterrupted provision of narcissistic supply.
The Two Loves of the Narcissist
Narcissists "love" their spouses or other significant others – as long as they continue to reliably provide them with Narcissistic Supply (in one word, with attention).
Misdiagnosing Narcissism - Asperger's Disorder
Asperger's Disorder is often misdiagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), though evident as early as age 3 (while pathological narcissism cannot be safely diagnosed prior to early adolescence).
Curing and Healing Narcissism
Narcissism constitutes the entire personality. It is all-pervasive. Being a narcissist is akin to being an alcoholic but much more so.
The Adrenaline Junkie
Narcissistic supply is exciting. When it is available, the narcissist feels elated, omnipotent, omniscient, handsome, sexy, adventurous, invincible, and irresistible. When it is missing, the narcissist first enters a manic phase of trying to replenish his supply and, if he fails, the narcissist shrivels, withdraws and is reduced to a zombie-like state of numbness.
Abusing the Narcissist
Narcissists attract abuse. Haughty, exploitative, demanding, insensitive, and quarrelsome - they tend to draw opprobrium and provoke anger and even hatred. Sorely lacking in interpersonal skills, devoid of empathy, and steeped in irksome grandiose fantasies - they invariably fail to mitigate the irritation and revolt that they induce in others.
The Cyber Narcissist
To the narcissist, the Internet is an alluring and irresistible combination of playground and hunting grounds, the gathering place of numerous potential sources of narcissistic supply, a world where false identities are the norm and mind games the bon ton. And it is beyond the reach of the law, the pale of social norms, the strictures of civilized conduct.
Narcissism, Substance Abuse, and Reckless Behaviours
Pathological narcissism is an addiction to narcissistic supply, the narcissist's drug of choice. It is, therefore, not surprising that other addictive and reckless behaviours - workaholism, alcoholism, drug abuse, pathological gambling, compulsory shopping, or reckless driving - piggyback on this primary dependence.
The Delusional Way Out
The "grandiosity gap" (between a fantastically grandiose - and unlimited - self-image and actual - limited - accomplishments and achievements) is grating. Its recurrence threatens the precariously balanced house of cards that is the narcissistic personality.
Pathological Narcissism - A Dysfunction or a Blessing?
Healthy narcissism is a mature, balanced love of oneself coupled with a stable sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Healthy narcissism implies knowledge of one's boundaries and a proportionate and realistic appraisal of one's achievements and traits.
Collective Narcissism - Narcissism, Culture, and Society
Pathological narcissism is a ubiquitous phenomenon because every human being - regardless of the nature of his society and culture - develops healthy narcissism early in life.
Can the Narcissist Get Better?
I love him. I cannot leave him like that. He is like a crippled small child. My heart goes out to him. Will he ever get better? Can he ever get better?
Self Love and Self Destruction
If narcissists love themselves and are so self-centered, why do they have all these self-destructive and self-defeating behaviours? Isn't this a contradiction?
Do Narcissists Hate Women?
Narcissists abhor and dread getting emotionally intimate. The cerebral ones regard sex as a maintenance chore, something they have to do in order to keep their source of Secondary Supply. The somatic narcissist treats women as objects and sex as a means to obtaining narcissistic supply.
How to Cope with a Narcissist?
I finally mustered the courage and determination to divorce him. But he refuses to let go, he threatens me and stalks and harasses me. I am sometimes afraid for my life. He is also a convincing pathological liar. I am afraid he will turn the judge against me...
What is a Narcissist?
All of us have narcissistic TRAITS. Some of us even develop a narcissistic PERSONALITY. Moreover, narcissism is a SPECTRUM of behaviours - from the healthy to the utterly pathological (known as the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD).
Taming the Beast: Pathological Narcissism and the Quality of Life
Many textbooks (and many patients ...) claim that the psychodynamic therapies when applied to personality disorders are ineffective. Functional (cognitive, behavioral) treatments should be preferred in certain cases and regarding certain aspects of the disorder. To a Narcissist, I would recommend a beavioral-cognitive-functional and less protracted type of therapy.
A Letter about Trust
The Narcissistic condition emanates from a seismic break of trust, a tectonic shift of what should have been a healthy relationship with his "primary objects" and the transformation of his self into the subject of love. Some of these bad feelings are the result of deeply entrenched misunderstandings regarding the nature of trust and the continuous act of trusting.
Relationships with Abusive Narcissists
Living with a narcissist can be exhilarating, is always onerous, often harrowing. Surviving a relationship with a narcissist indicates, therefore, the parameters of the personality of the survivor. She (or, more rarely, he) is moulded by the relationship into The Typical Narcissistic Mate/Partner/Spouse.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder at a Glance
Most narcissists (75%) are men. NPD (=the Narcissistic Personality Disorder) is one of a "family" of personality disorders (formerly known as "Cluster B"). Other members: Borderline PD, Antisocial PD and Histrionic PD. NPD is often diagnosed with other mental health disorders ("co-morbidity") - or with substance abuse, or impulsive and reckless behaviours ("dual diagnosis").
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Society and Emotions
The ethnopsychologist George Devereux ("Basic Problems of Ethnopsychiatry", University of Chicago Press, 1980) suggested to divide the unconscious into the id (the part that was always instinctual and unconscious) and the "ethnic unconscious" (repressed material that was once conscious). The latter includes all our defence mechanisms and most of the superego.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - The Family and Upbringing
The family is the mainspring of support of every kind. It mobilizes psychological resources and alleviates emotional burdens. It allows for the sharing of tasks, provides material supplies coupled with cognitive training. It is the prime socialization agent and encourages the absorption of information, most of it useful and adaptive.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Schools of Thought
Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) is credited with the promulgation and presentation of a first coherent theory of narcissism. He described transitions from subject-directed libido to object-directed libido through the intermediation and agency of the parents. To be healthy and functional, the transitions must be smooth and unperturbed. Neuroses are the results of such perturbations.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Formative Years
The common view is that we go through the stages of a linear development. We are propelled forward by forces. Various psychoanalytic and psychodynamic models incorporate the libido (force of life) and Thanatos (force of death) in Freud's thinking, Meaning in Frenkel's, socially mediated phenomena (Adler, Behaviourism), cultural context (Horney), interpersonal relations (Sullivan) and neurobiological and neurochemical forces, to mention but a few schools.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - An Introduction
A pattern of traits and behaviours which signify infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of all others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one's gratification, dominance and ambition.