Narcissistic Parents

NPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder makes an individual completely self obsessed. These people do not care about others, except for when it comes to extracting benefits from them. For them the object of their abuse is meant for gratifying their needs and their wants alone. This disorder can affect anyone and is not restricted to a specific gender. However a majority of the cases reported are males. Narcissists grow older and take on the role of parenting, thereby paving the path of further misery for the children they give birth to. Narcissistic parents are extremely possessive about all or only one of their children. This child becomes the parent's center of attention, leaving no breathing space and independence for the chosen child. These children grow up living lives which they did not choose for, but were forced into by the parent. The reason for this coercion seems to find its roots in emotional liabilities, which the child himself feels for the mother as well as the sense of duty instilled by the parent in the child.

Narcissistic Parents' Traits

Instilling Dependent Behavior
Instilling dependent and infantile behavior in the child. Which means that the child is brought up with too much care and attention. The child is made to believe that he or she cannot do something without the help or supervision of the parent. The child becomes dependent on the parent, thereby incapacitating his or her initial stages of independence and self motivated decision-making. As the child grows, the child will do what he is told and will need permission for every action or decision. This becomes a habit and represents the control the narcissistic parent has on the child.

Possessiveness and Jealousy
Such parents are extremely possessive about their chosen child. They use these children as a medium of reflecting their own dreams, aspirations and expectations. For them the child is merely an instrument of self-preservation and self-acclaim. They wish to see their child succeed in the path chosen by the parent, so that society may credit the parent. For instance a father who is a successful government official will ensure that his son or daughter of choice, becomes a successful government official as well. The same can also apply in the case wherein the narcissistic parent himself is a failure but wishes to feel successful, by making sure that his child achieves the father's goals and dreams. Once the child has become successful in the parent's chosen field, the parent will take all the credit for the child's achievement.

The flip side of this possessiveness is that, if in case the child rebels or does not wish to follow the same path, the parent will become increasingly jealous of the growing sense of independence. They will try all the means in order to throttle the child's aspirations. The repercussions of any form of disregard from the child, will bring about violent behavior traits such as:

• Anger and rage against the child.
• Blaming the child for everything that went wrong with the parent's life.
• Emotional abuse and neglect.
• Always criticizing and nitpicking the child for every action of his.
• Physical violence and abuse

Emotional Blackmailing
The narcissistic parent extracts what he or she wishes to gain from the child by using emotionally manipulative techniques. Such a parents can use the following strategies to ensure that the child remains with them:

• In the first strategy, the child is made to feel as if the parent is completely dependent on the child in order to live and carry out daily functions.
• The second strategy works on mutual partnership, wherein the parent makes the child feel like they are a team and the final objective cannot be achieved without the utmost cooperation of the child.
• The third way to execute the paranoia is to make the child feel guilty for seeking independence or not being a good child to the parent. They make the child feel ashamed of not having done enough and thereby manipulating the child to go the extra mile in order to appease the unhappy parent.
• The final strategy involves using threat and punishment in order to extract discipline from the child. The narcissist parents will threaten to either harm the child or themselves, so as to make the child behave according to their personal needs.

Self Obsessed
Narcissistic individuals are in general self-obsessed about themselves. A narcissistic mother or father, will go out of their way to extract attention from others. They enjoy turning the conversation, towards themselves and want people to talk in favor of them. They enjoy being exceedingly praised and wait for compliments. They expect their children to keep them happy.

Dealing with Narcissistic Parents
The only way to deal with such a parent is to demarcate a clear line. Children must stop fearing them and try to become independent as soon as possible. The parent will realize that, the child is seeking independence. From that point onwards the child needs to learn how to repel the manipulative nature of the parent. The child must try to stay away from the parent by leaving the house and joining college in another city. From then on, the process of independence and healing can begin. Children with such parents must try to provide professional help for the parents, through counseling. Narcissism being a mental disorder needs treatment, however this disorder is extremely deep rooted and can only be controlled to a small extent.

Staying away from such narcissistic parents while trying to create a median is the only way out. You can be a normal son or daughter to your parent by looking after their financial and medical needs to a certain extent. These parents will go out of their way to make their children feel insignificant and sub human, which are tendencies the children must learn to recognize and stay away from.