My Suicide Note

As the days pass slowly
And the weeks creep by
I find myself obsessed
About ways to die
I lie awake at night
Thinking about pain
There's no way it can get better
I have nothing left to gain
Suddenly thoughts of death
Are controlling my every move
And every battle in my mind
I seem to lose
I don't want to be around
The people I love
All I can think about
Is what me and you had
I cut my wrist with razor blades
To dull the pain inside
But that can only last so long
I don't want to be alive
I manage to keep my cool
When you are around
You wouldn't understand me
So I don't make a sound
I smile when I have to
And break down when I don't
I think I should be strong
But I don't want to
So I make a plan to cut my vein
It shouldn't take too long
I will write notes to all my friends
To read when I am gone
I ask Natalie to understand
That I can’t live without her
My mind can’t fight it anymore
My heart is too scared
I plan it out perfectly
Even the date
I'm pretty sure I am ready
I know I have to do this
My bed is made up neatly
As I cut till I cut my vein
I start to feel better
I know I am almost done
All that I can think about
Is how I am letting go
And how much I love Natalie
I really hope she knows
My eyes are getting heavy
My body feels so weak
Everything inside is numb
This is the way it has to be
I am glad Nat's not here now
To watch me slowly die
But still I wish I could say
"I love you and good-bye"
I give into the darkness
I slowly slip away
I hope I go to heaven
Where I know she will go
I wake up confused
I don't know where I am
Is this heaven or hell
The land of light or dark
There are people all around
Although I can barely see
I can hear the soothing voices
Of people dear to me
My family and friends are here
Comforting one another
I can hardly make out any words
Until I hear Natalie
Each tear she cries feel like a knife
Stabbing at my soul
I let my pain and suffering
Blind me from my goal
I sit up in the hospital bed
Natalie rushes over to me
Like she hasn't seen me in years
And everything is okay again