My Perfectly Imperfect Life - Chapter 3 - Making Amends, Natalie Knows

I woke up to the sound of someone knocking on my door. I got up, went to the door, and
I opened it to find Natalie all dressed up.

"Hey Kellie guess what?"

Natalie said brightly.

"What...?"

I asked sourly.

Natalie scrunched up her pretty face in sadness as she heard the tone of my voice.
I sighed and I said softly,

"I'm sorry Natalie, I'm not mad at you baby, but it's just that yesterday was pretty rough!"

Natalie looked thoughtful, and then she said in her typical four-year old mature voice,

"I had a nightmare yesterday that you and mommy was screaming at each other because of something mommy did, was that a nightmare or did that really happened Kellie?"

I had to lie, so that her innocence wouldn't be shattered so I said in fake cheerfulness,

"No Natalie, of course it was a nightmare! What would I and mommy have to fight about; we're all a happy family after all, aren't we?"

"Yup, except for daddy...is daddy a baddie because he hit mommy Kellie?"

Natalie inquired.

I gulped. I didn't want to say anything, but I had to, so to delay the actual truth, I said softly,

"Well Natalie, I don't know...let's ask mommy tonight!"

Exactly after I said that, mum called out to us,

"Are you guys ready yet??"

"What do you mean?"

I asked, and then I realized that whatever Natalie was about to tell me had been this. Our mum walked towards us and she said in exasperation to Natalie,

"Sweetie it isn't supposed to take that long to tell your sister that we're going to church!"

My eyes widened and I stared at mum.

"What did you just say??"

I asked in shock.

"We're going to church."

Mum said, though she wasn't looking at me.

"So this is my punishment for picking a fight with her?"

I thought to myself.

I almost started another one with her, but I noticed Natalie staring up at me with those dark eyes.

She said softly,

"Please come with me sissy, please..."

She begged.

"I..."

I was looking at my mother who was still staring at the ground.

Mum knew how much I hated church...to be frank I wasn't a Christian and I wasn't planning on it. Church was so boring!

But Natalie was looking at me so dependently that I couldn't help but to say,

"Sure Nat, I'll come with you and mommy; why don't you go have breakfast now?"

Natalie nodded, she hugged me and then she flounced off.

As soon as she was out of sight, I whirled on mum, saying,

"You're pathetic mum, I can't believe it."

She didn't even look ashamed!

She lifted her head up and she said,

"Actually this isn't what I wanted, and I'm sorry but Mr. Lyle goes to church, so we're going to church."

She was smiling, and I hated her then.

"Mr. Lyle...?"

I asked to satisfy her.
She said enigmatically,

"You'll see soon enough."

That was it. I retreated to my room, and I slammed the door in her face.

"I'm not going to your freaking church okay mum? I've had enough."

And I locked my door and stuffing my face in my pillow I blocked all thoughts out but "I really hate her sometimes, I really do."

A few minutes later, I heard knocking on my door. I opened it, and mum stood there.
"You promised Natalie you'd come, besides, if you really want to know, Mr. Lyle is my boyfriend."

She said it so casually as if she was talking about having bought new shoes.

I stared at her in disgust, and I said,

"Boyfriend?"

Mum reached out to touch my shoulder but I backed away from her and I said roughly,

"Don't try to comfort me okay. Just leave me alone."

I went to my room and I changed into jeans and a shirt, shoved my converse on, reminding myself I was doing this for Natalie, and when I got to the dining room, Natalie clapped her hands together in delight, and she said,

"Yay, pretty Kellie."

I gave her a forced smile and then I turned my eyes towards mum, and I said softly but angrily,

"Satisfied?"

She nodded in disbelief, and after breakfast we went off to St. Daley's church by bus.

It turned out "Mr. Lyle" was a seemingly perfectly civil gentleman. I detested him...because he was exactly the opposite of my dad. What if he heard about it?? Then it'd be the end of the world.

We were all in Mr. Perfect gentleman's car because he'd offered to drive us home. I sat there grumbling to myself about how unfair life was. Mum sat in the front seat next to Mr. Lyle and Natalie was sleeping peacefully next to me.

"So mum, have you told this dude about dad?"

I glared at the back of her head as she replied matter-of-factly,

"That's Mr. Lyle to you, and yes he knows about your father, I've told him everything, he's the nicest person alive."

"Oh really, just like you thought dad was the nicest person alive??"

I asked her sarcastically.

Sensing our rage at each other, Mr. Lyle tried to make everything better, which of course he didn't.

"Say Kellie, is there a special boy you're interested in?"

He asked.
This time mum shot daggers at him as if to say, "Don't."

But the damage was done.

"If I did, you'd be the last person I'd tell; besides you don't even care about my life, so why don't you just get your sick pig-face out of it? You men think that you can fool my mother by acting so nice and gentlemanly but we all know what you really want Mr. "I'm so perfect"! All men are so stupid."

I shouted at him.

Mr. Lyle and mum grew red and the rest of the ride was silent.

After Mr. Lyle dropped us off, and mum put Natalie in bed, she came downstairs, and unleashed her balls of fury.

"You don't know anything! How can you accuse Mr. Lyle of all these things? You don't even know how long we've been together!"

She cried in outrage.

"How long have you been together?"

I asked.

"Get back into the real world Kellie and start realizing that all men are not like your father."

She replied and I noticed she didn't answer my question.

"All men are not like dad or Sam or Gold??" I asked her.

"Who's Gold...?"

She asked cautiously and curiously.

"He's the freak who felt me up at the party when I didn't even know him! He was the reason I came home late!"

I finally told her the truth.

My mother suddenly became very perplexed, and she touched a hand to her forehead, then she sat on a nearby chair.

'Kellie..."

She started again.

"I don't want to hear it."

I said roughly.

She ignored me and continued.

"Kellie, I'm so sorry..."

She said. In my head bells were ringing and I thought, 'FINALLY!'

"Darling when things like that happen, you must tell me! I'm sorry for being rude but I didn't know what happened the other day...but you really must understand, even though all the men you've met so far have been cruel, sick or hurtful it doesn't mean that all men are cruel."

I looked at her and then I decided to play fair because I knew she wouldn't listen to me and I said,

"Okay fine, but you listen. I've had enough of telling Natalie that dad is away. She deserves to know! She might not understand now, but when she grows up and then we tell her, she'll hate us!"

I said.

"Yes but..."

She replied.

"Are we clear?"

I asked her.

Mum's face crumpled, but she nodded in defeat, because she knew this was the best thing to do.

"When should we tell Natalie?"

I asked her.

"Tell me what Kellie?"

Natalie's soft voice floated out from the staircase as she slowly walked towards us.

Mum sighed and then she said to Natalie,

"Sweetheart, mommy and Kellie have something to tell you."

I sent mum a warning glance, but she looked at me assuredly.

Natalie's eyes widened and she said softly,

"Is it about daddy?"

I was astonished.

"Well yes it is how did you know Nat?"

I asked.

The three of us sat on our dinner table chairs.

"I heard you talkin' about daddy."

She replied.

Natalie had just made it five percent easier to tell her everything. I looked over at mum, and she nodded, giving me permission to start.

"Natalie, do you remember when you asked me this morning about daddy?"

Natalie nodded, and she said,

"Yes..."

She seemed scared.

I said,

"I'm sorry for lying to you sweetie, but daddy is a baddie, because he hit mommy, and he says nasty things to her."

Mum took Natalie's small hands in her own and she looked into Natalie's eyes, smiling warmly, and she said,

"Your dad is a sweet man but sometimes he can get too bad, and I get scared."

A puzzled look crossed Natalie's face, and she stared at me, saying,

"What does mommy mean? Does mommy not want me to have a daddy??"

"No darling, mommy wants you to have daddy, but daddy has done too many bad things to mommy, and you don't want a baddie for a daddy do you?"

I asked her.

Suddenly the look of confusion became one of sadness, angriness and anguish altogether.

"No but I want a daddy! I want a nice daddy like Mary my best friend has a good daddy! IT'S NOT FAIR! It's not fair..."

Natalie shouted then quietened, and then she burst into tears.