My Life Underground ~4~ Messages
Finding some leads, and some unexpected and rather unwanted information. Enjoy. And feel free to comment your thoughts and suggestions.
PART FOUR:
I sit patiently in Teagan's car. She is blabbering on and on while driving. She is talking about this Matt guy that we are going to see, and how she dated him for a week. I'm not really paying attention. All I can think about is Keenan. I can picture his face. I can see him smiling. His cute crooked smile. His head all cocked to one side. But I know when I find him there will only be a vestige left of his old self. It makes me want to cry. I shake it off and nod at Teagan's story.
She pulls the car over in front of a dirty, single wide trailer. She looks at me. Her expression is serious. Her blue eye is icy. The other is soft. She is a walking contradiction. I almost smile.
"You're staying in the car." she says, her voice radiating conviction.
I muster up the most questioning, nonchalant look I can and shrug my shoulders as if to say, whatever.
"If you're going to find him, you can't be all fucked up and you know perfectly well that is what they are doing in there."
She gets out of the car, slamming the door behind her and walks up to the dirty front step, she knocks on the dirty front door and waits. The door opens a slit. Whoever opens it seems to approve and opens it just enough for her to squeeze in. I breathe a sigh of relief. I reach into my pocket, pull out a 20. I roll it up into a perfect little tube and dip it into the baggie I had stashed in my purse. Relief. Head spinning. Heart pounding. I flip open my phone and dial one. My voice mail. I figure it's now or never. I know Luther's words will be cruel and unforgiving.
"You have 3 new messages"
"Thanks, a lot." I whisper into the receiver. Then Luther's voice.
"Ainslee, what the fuck?! Where the fuck are you?! Why didn't you tell me you were going?" Click.
Not too bad, okay, next one.
"Look you little bitch, I just tried calling your parents house, your second parents house, all your fucking friends. Where the fuck are you?!?! And you had the fucking balls to steal from me? Did you honestly believe in your little dumb shit head that I wouldn't notice? That I wouldn't care? Did you think I would just get over it? Move on? What? I will fuckin find you. You will repay me. I will beat the fucking will to live right out of you. I hope you understand this. You of all people know what I am capable of." click.
I swallow my heart. Which is now beating in my throat. Last one.
"Found ya." click.
That is it. Those two words evoke such a fear in me I didn't even know existed. I open the car door and heave my breakfast of coffee onto the ground. I wipe my mouth, close the door. My hands shake as I dip the 20 into the baggie one more time. Fuck. I shove the blow and the 20 back into my purse as Teagan comes out of the slit in the trailer door. She walks up to the car. Sees my hurled coffee and shakes her head. She opens the door. Gets in.
"What the hell?" she asks, gesturing to the ground outside my door.
"Weak stomach." I say back. I bury my phone in my lap as if she might know the truth by looking at it.
"Well you best toughen up cuz we're headin down town. To a fuckin drug den. And I ain't goin in alone."
"You found him?" I ask.
"If he can be found, this is where he'll be." she says, grimacing. Probably thinking of her own dark days on the needle. Thinking.
We drive. All I can think about is Luther. How did he find me? I knew he had friends in high places (Or low, depending on your own definitions), but I never thought he could find me that quickly. I light a cigarette. I remember. I remember the last time Luther sent out for someone.
When he couldn't find the guy. He found his girlfriend. He held her hostage for 12 hours before his "friends" found the guy. He paid. But Luther still kicked the shit out of his girlfriend, right in front of the guy. I bore witness to this too. Then when he was done with that, he stabbed the guy, dumped him on the road and emptied his pockets.
Luther was going to fuckin murder me. We drive.
I smoke almost a half a pack of smokes on the way down town. Teagan pulls the car over at a mall. We leave it in the underground parking. She doesn't want to park it where we are going. I don't blame her. We get out of the car. And we walk.
Found ya. Two words. Harmless words. They keep running through my head. Shaking me to the core. That's all I can think of. And while Teagan is talking, I don't say a word. I smile weakly at her.
"Okay, seriously, what's your problem?" Teagan stops walking.
I sigh. "Luther, he's gunna kill me."
"Explain." says Teagan.
I tell her the whole story, while we walk. It almost feels better to tell her. Almost. Something in me doesn't feel quite right. I shrug it off as being in a bad neighborhood. Teagan stops walking and it takes me a few seconds to realize she isn't walking beside me anymore. I turn. She is standing in front of a small house. The front yard is surrounded by chain link and the grass looks like it hasn't been mowed in about 25 years. The siding is falling off and the window frames are rotting. The porch looks as if it may fall off.
"Well this is it." says Teagan. Her voice is nervous.
For some reason I feel at home. I've stayed in many places like this. And although the people inside are junkies, not crack heads and coke heads, I still feel comfortable. Teagan looks at my calmness with an unsure frown. She can't figure out why I'm not scared. Although she was a needle freak, she always had money, a clean place to stay. I'm actually ready for this now. Ready to find Keenan.
"C'mon, lets go Tea." I say to her quietly, confidently.
I sit patiently in Teagan's car. She is blabbering on and on while driving. She is talking about this Matt guy that we are going to see, and how she dated him for a week. I'm not really paying attention. All I can think about is Keenan. I can picture his face. I can see him smiling. His cute crooked smile. His head all cocked to one side. But I know when I find him there will only be a vestige left of his old self. It makes me want to cry. I shake it off and nod at Teagan's story.
She pulls the car over in front of a dirty, single wide trailer. She looks at me. Her expression is serious. Her blue eye is icy. The other is soft. She is a walking contradiction. I almost smile.
"You're staying in the car." she says, her voice radiating conviction.
I muster up the most questioning, nonchalant look I can and shrug my shoulders as if to say, whatever.
"If you're going to find him, you can't be all fucked up and you know perfectly well that is what they are doing in there."
She gets out of the car, slamming the door behind her and walks up to the dirty front step, she knocks on the dirty front door and waits. The door opens a slit. Whoever opens it seems to approve and opens it just enough for her to squeeze in. I breathe a sigh of relief. I reach into my pocket, pull out a 20. I roll it up into a perfect little tube and dip it into the baggie I had stashed in my purse. Relief. Head spinning. Heart pounding. I flip open my phone and dial one. My voice mail. I figure it's now or never. I know Luther's words will be cruel and unforgiving.
"You have 3 new messages"
"Thanks, a lot." I whisper into the receiver. Then Luther's voice.
"Ainslee, what the fuck?! Where the fuck are you?! Why didn't you tell me you were going?" Click.
Not too bad, okay, next one.
"Look you little bitch, I just tried calling your parents house, your second parents house, all your fucking friends. Where the fuck are you?!?! And you had the fucking balls to steal from me? Did you honestly believe in your little dumb shit head that I wouldn't notice? That I wouldn't care? Did you think I would just get over it? Move on? What? I will fuckin find you. You will repay me. I will beat the fucking will to live right out of you. I hope you understand this. You of all people know what I am capable of." click.
I swallow my heart. Which is now beating in my throat. Last one.
"Found ya." click.
That is it. Those two words evoke such a fear in me I didn't even know existed. I open the car door and heave my breakfast of coffee onto the ground. I wipe my mouth, close the door. My hands shake as I dip the 20 into the baggie one more time. Fuck. I shove the blow and the 20 back into my purse as Teagan comes out of the slit in the trailer door. She walks up to the car. Sees my hurled coffee and shakes her head. She opens the door. Gets in.
"What the hell?" she asks, gesturing to the ground outside my door.
"Weak stomach." I say back. I bury my phone in my lap as if she might know the truth by looking at it.
"Well you best toughen up cuz we're headin down town. To a fuckin drug den. And I ain't goin in alone."
"You found him?" I ask.
"If he can be found, this is where he'll be." she says, grimacing. Probably thinking of her own dark days on the needle. Thinking.
We drive. All I can think about is Luther. How did he find me? I knew he had friends in high places (Or low, depending on your own definitions), but I never thought he could find me that quickly. I light a cigarette. I remember. I remember the last time Luther sent out for someone.
When he couldn't find the guy. He found his girlfriend. He held her hostage for 12 hours before his "friends" found the guy. He paid. But Luther still kicked the shit out of his girlfriend, right in front of the guy. I bore witness to this too. Then when he was done with that, he stabbed the guy, dumped him on the road and emptied his pockets.
Luther was going to fuckin murder me. We drive.
I smoke almost a half a pack of smokes on the way down town. Teagan pulls the car over at a mall. We leave it in the underground parking. She doesn't want to park it where we are going. I don't blame her. We get out of the car. And we walk.
Found ya. Two words. Harmless words. They keep running through my head. Shaking me to the core. That's all I can think of. And while Teagan is talking, I don't say a word. I smile weakly at her.
"Okay, seriously, what's your problem?" Teagan stops walking.
I sigh. "Luther, he's gunna kill me."
"Explain." says Teagan.
I tell her the whole story, while we walk. It almost feels better to tell her. Almost. Something in me doesn't feel quite right. I shrug it off as being in a bad neighborhood. Teagan stops walking and it takes me a few seconds to realize she isn't walking beside me anymore. I turn. She is standing in front of a small house. The front yard is surrounded by chain link and the grass looks like it hasn't been mowed in about 25 years. The siding is falling off and the window frames are rotting. The porch looks as if it may fall off.
"Well this is it." says Teagan. Her voice is nervous.
For some reason I feel at home. I've stayed in many places like this. And although the people inside are junkies, not crack heads and coke heads, I still feel comfortable. Teagan looks at my calmness with an unsure frown. She can't figure out why I'm not scared. Although she was a needle freak, she always had money, a clean place to stay. I'm actually ready for this now. Ready to find Keenan.
"C'mon, lets go Tea." I say to her quietly, confidently.
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