My Life Underground ~ 2 ~ Leaving
The continuation of My Life Underground. Ainslee makes a decision.
PART TWO:
It is 4 am. Luther is passed out next to me. I roll out from under his arm. Quietly. I am lucky that he sleeps like a rock. He has been awake for probably 3 days now. I know I could set off a nuclear bomb without waking him. I quickly fill my backpack with all the clothes I can find. I sneak into the bathroom, grab my toiletries. Downstairs I steal a handful of cash from Luther's stash and grab a baggie full of coke and all my paraphernalia. I feel bad but I have no choice. I know Luther will never forgive me. I know I will never see him again unless he hunts me down. But deep down inside I knew I was just using him.
It is raining. I walk through the rain. It takes me nearly an hour to walk over to Keenan's family's house. I bang on the door. I wait. I bang again. I hear shuffling. I step back and look up. Corbin's bedroom light is on. I hear him thud down the steps. Unlock the door. He opens the door angrily. Looks at me briefly and pulls me into his arms. It has been so long since I have been here in person. He smells like Keenan. Looks like Keenan. It's perfect. I suddenly realize how much I miss him. I am suddenly glad I left. I almost wasn't sure about my choice. But now I know.
He grabs my back pack from me and drags me into the house. I sit down at the table in the kitchen. Exhausted I rest my head on my arms. I close my eyes. I hear a chair being slid on the hardwood floor. I feel the heat of Corbin's body next to me. His breathing is like a lullaby, I drift.
I wake up to sunlight pouring in through an open window. The sounds of Trace and Anthony making breakfast reaches my ears. The thought of food makes me sick to my stomach. I run to the bathroom. When I am done I open the bathroom door to see Corbin sitting on the bed.
"What the hell is going on with you?" he asks me, folding his arms across his chest.
"Hello to you to!" I say back, as cheerily as I can manage. He stares at me icily. I relent. " It's nothing okay, serious. It's my problem, I just came back to help Keenan."
He looks unconvinced. "Look I will stay out of your business for now, but once Keenan is safe, we are dealing with you. And just so you know your parents would love to see you. It's been almost 3 months you know."
I shrug my shoulders. Roll my eyes. I would love to see them. I don't want them to see me like this.
"I understand. Shower and get dressed, then come on down. Mom wants to talk to you." he hugs me and then gets up and leaves. He leaves the lingering smell of Keenan trailing behind him.
After I shower and put on the most decent outfit I have with me I walk downstairs. Slowly. I am dreading facing them. I know they love me, but I also know they are aware of what I have been up to. I walk into the kitchen and they all look up at me from their coffee. Trace and Anthony's first reactions are of shock. Then they smile at me, obviously trying to hide their shock at my appearance. It has been at least 3 and a half months since I have seen either of them face to face. And I know I look awful. I sit down and Anthony pours me a coffee and places it in front of me. I have to hold back from vomiting again. All I can think about is the baggie of coke in my back pack.
"I am going to find him." I say.
A sigh of relief resonates all around the table.
"Are you sure? It might be dangerous, you know we would never ask you to do anything that would hurt you." a look of uncertainty comes onto Trace's face. I know she really doesn't want me to be hurt. But I also know she wants her son back.
"You wouldn't have even had to ask me. I want to do it."
Trace looks into her coffee cup. She is crying. Anthony gets up to have a smoke, he holds the pack out to me. I gladly follow him outside onto the porch. Thankful for a reason to leave the awkward kitchen table, guilty for being so relieved to leave it, I sigh and accept a cigarette from Anthony. He motions for me to sit. I do.
"You know we really appreciate this," he says, " But you should also know that we know what you've been doing. And when you get back, we are going to help you out, Keenan or not."
"Look Anthony, as much as I appreciate it, I don't need help. Corbin already told me that. I just want to save Keenan. He is at least worth saving."
Anthony shrugs as if to say, okay, but it's happening anyway. I ignore it for now.
"Spend the night at least." he says, " You can leave in the morning."
I nod.
I spend the day reminiscing with Corbin and Trace. Smoking with Anthony, and running up to my room to smoke crack. I think they're aware of it. But they don't say anything. Not a word. When bedtime comes, I awkwardly give them all hugs and retreat to my room. I shower and lay down in bed. I snort a line for good measure. I wait until I figure they are all sleeping and then I leave. Anthony gave me keys for his work car to take to the coast. I throw my stuff in it and hop in. I turn the car over and pull out of the driveway as quick as I can, as quiet as I can. I don't want to wake them up, I don't want to wait till the morning to say my awkward goodbyes and hear promises of help. I just want to go. I need to find him. I drive.
It's been an hour since I left. I pull the car off to the shoulder of the road. I reach clumsily into my back pack for my pipe. I need the rush. I need to wake up. I place it between my lips, I light it, twist it, inhale. Exhale. The car fills with the sweet, metallic smoke. I reach for a cigarette, light it. I pull the car back onto the road. With the window down, the air rushing in is loud. I crank the music. And I drive.
It is 4 am. Luther is passed out next to me. I roll out from under his arm. Quietly. I am lucky that he sleeps like a rock. He has been awake for probably 3 days now. I know I could set off a nuclear bomb without waking him. I quickly fill my backpack with all the clothes I can find. I sneak into the bathroom, grab my toiletries. Downstairs I steal a handful of cash from Luther's stash and grab a baggie full of coke and all my paraphernalia. I feel bad but I have no choice. I know Luther will never forgive me. I know I will never see him again unless he hunts me down. But deep down inside I knew I was just using him.
It is raining. I walk through the rain. It takes me nearly an hour to walk over to Keenan's family's house. I bang on the door. I wait. I bang again. I hear shuffling. I step back and look up. Corbin's bedroom light is on. I hear him thud down the steps. Unlock the door. He opens the door angrily. Looks at me briefly and pulls me into his arms. It has been so long since I have been here in person. He smells like Keenan. Looks like Keenan. It's perfect. I suddenly realize how much I miss him. I am suddenly glad I left. I almost wasn't sure about my choice. But now I know.
He grabs my back pack from me and drags me into the house. I sit down at the table in the kitchen. Exhausted I rest my head on my arms. I close my eyes. I hear a chair being slid on the hardwood floor. I feel the heat of Corbin's body next to me. His breathing is like a lullaby, I drift.
I wake up to sunlight pouring in through an open window. The sounds of Trace and Anthony making breakfast reaches my ears. The thought of food makes me sick to my stomach. I run to the bathroom. When I am done I open the bathroom door to see Corbin sitting on the bed.
"What the hell is going on with you?" he asks me, folding his arms across his chest.
"Hello to you to!" I say back, as cheerily as I can manage. He stares at me icily. I relent. " It's nothing okay, serious. It's my problem, I just came back to help Keenan."
He looks unconvinced. "Look I will stay out of your business for now, but once Keenan is safe, we are dealing with you. And just so you know your parents would love to see you. It's been almost 3 months you know."
I shrug my shoulders. Roll my eyes. I would love to see them. I don't want them to see me like this.
"I understand. Shower and get dressed, then come on down. Mom wants to talk to you." he hugs me and then gets up and leaves. He leaves the lingering smell of Keenan trailing behind him.
After I shower and put on the most decent outfit I have with me I walk downstairs. Slowly. I am dreading facing them. I know they love me, but I also know they are aware of what I have been up to. I walk into the kitchen and they all look up at me from their coffee. Trace and Anthony's first reactions are of shock. Then they smile at me, obviously trying to hide their shock at my appearance. It has been at least 3 and a half months since I have seen either of them face to face. And I know I look awful. I sit down and Anthony pours me a coffee and places it in front of me. I have to hold back from vomiting again. All I can think about is the baggie of coke in my back pack.
"I am going to find him." I say.
A sigh of relief resonates all around the table.
"Are you sure? It might be dangerous, you know we would never ask you to do anything that would hurt you." a look of uncertainty comes onto Trace's face. I know she really doesn't want me to be hurt. But I also know she wants her son back.
"You wouldn't have even had to ask me. I want to do it."
Trace looks into her coffee cup. She is crying. Anthony gets up to have a smoke, he holds the pack out to me. I gladly follow him outside onto the porch. Thankful for a reason to leave the awkward kitchen table, guilty for being so relieved to leave it, I sigh and accept a cigarette from Anthony. He motions for me to sit. I do.
"You know we really appreciate this," he says, " But you should also know that we know what you've been doing. And when you get back, we are going to help you out, Keenan or not."
"Look Anthony, as much as I appreciate it, I don't need help. Corbin already told me that. I just want to save Keenan. He is at least worth saving."
Anthony shrugs as if to say, okay, but it's happening anyway. I ignore it for now.
"Spend the night at least." he says, " You can leave in the morning."
I nod.
I spend the day reminiscing with Corbin and Trace. Smoking with Anthony, and running up to my room to smoke crack. I think they're aware of it. But they don't say anything. Not a word. When bedtime comes, I awkwardly give them all hugs and retreat to my room. I shower and lay down in bed. I snort a line for good measure. I wait until I figure they are all sleeping and then I leave. Anthony gave me keys for his work car to take to the coast. I throw my stuff in it and hop in. I turn the car over and pull out of the driveway as quick as I can, as quiet as I can. I don't want to wake them up, I don't want to wait till the morning to say my awkward goodbyes and hear promises of help. I just want to go. I need to find him. I drive.
It's been an hour since I left. I pull the car off to the shoulder of the road. I reach clumsily into my back pack for my pipe. I need the rush. I need to wake up. I place it between my lips, I light it, twist it, inhale. Exhale. The car fills with the sweet, metallic smoke. I reach for a cigarette, light it. I pull the car back onto the road. With the window down, the air rushing in is loud. I crank the music. And I drive.
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