My Life Underground ~ 14 ~ Leaving...Again

PART FOURTEEN

I open my eyes to the door swinging open. It is not Luther or Greg standing there. It is Keenan. There are police officers behind him. The fear momentarily leaves me. I shakily stand up and crawl out of the bathtub. He walks forward and grabs me into his arms just as my legs give out underneath me.

"You did great." he whispers to me. "It's all done now."

I regain my footing and we start to walk out of the bathroom. Out of the room and down the hall.

"We still have to give statements." Says Keenan. "They are searching the house right now. Anything they find will just help us."

I look around, the cops are upturning the house. Checking everywhere. I suddenly have a sick feeling in my stomach that they won't find anything, that my statement won't be enough. That they will walk free and I will be hunted down. My fears are almost instantly calmed. I hear a police dog barking wildly. Keenan puts his arm around me as if to say, 'told ya so'.

We each give our statements to the police. When I am done I walk down the side of the road a little and light a smoke. I turn and look back. A cop car drives up beside me. Teagan is in the back seat. I can vaguely hear her yelling at me. She is in the back seat screaming and gesturing wildly. All I can make out is 'fuck you' and 'find you'. A small wave of panic washes over me and I turn away quickly.

Suddenly a hand is on my shoulder. I whip around. It is Keenan. He is looking at me in a strange way. He grabs my hand.

"Let's walk." he says, leading my down the pier. Once again like I am a confused child. I walk slowly letting him drag me down the boardwalk.

The breeze whips my hair up around my face and I shiver a little. Although the sun is shining I feel cold. The only part of me that is warm is my hand, where Keenan is holding it. My feet make hollow clunking noises on the wood. Keenan doesn't look at me. He doesn't say a word. We walk in silence until we reach the end. We stop. My smoke is thoroughly smoked now, I put it out in the ashtray. Keenan turns me toward him gently.

We both speak at once.

"Ainslee-"

"Keenan-"

I stop and gesture to him, for him to go.

"There's no easy way to do this. So I'm just going to do it. Like a band aid." he sighs, "I love you Ainslee, but I'm not coming home with you. You belong there. I need to find where I belong. I just need to figure this out on my own."

I don't reply. All witty and sarcastic comments have left me stranded. When I start crying I can't even stop. I look up at him. Through my tears I can see that he looks sad. But I can also see he won't be swayed from his decision. It makes me cry all the harder. Keenan reaches out to hug me.

I am suddenly furious. I push him back and slap him hard across the face. The worst part about it is that he doesn't look surprised. He doesn't look angry. He doesn't look anything. I turn away from him and walk swiftly down the boardwalk. My footsteps are the only ones echoing on the wooden boards. He doesn't follow me.

I check out with the cops and make sure it is okay for me to leave. I quickly say goodbye to Andy, Andrea, and Ben. I thank them for all their help.

"Where's Keenan?" asks Andy.

I gesture vaguely toward the pier and walk away. Andrea and Ben exchange glances. I don't bother explaining to them. I walk to my car, Keenan's dad's car, and get inside. I let myself disconnect from the outside world. I start the car and I drive away.
*****
I am just outside Manning Park and the rain is pouring down. It is already hard enough to see with all the unstoppable crying.

I pull my car over and tap on the hazard lights. I cry. Each sob rips a hole in my heart. With every passing second I feel more alone, let down and disappointed with myself. I can't even think. Can't even function. I just cry. The rain taps against my windows. It is louder now and I turn to my side window. There is a figure standing there. A bolt of fear runs through me, then subsides. It is probably just a concerned motorist.

I roll down my window and the rain instantly blows in, soaking me and freezing my skin.

"I'm fine." I yell out. "Thank you."

There is no answer. Leaving all reason behind I roll up my window and step out into the freezing rain. I am just wearing a tank top and it is instantly soaking wet. I look wildly around. The car that had pulled up is parked behind me. The person who knocked on my window isn't anywhere in sight though.
My heart beats quickly in my chest and I turn around toward my car, frightened. I cry out as I bump into someone.

It feels as though my heart has stopped as I inadvertently press against the wet shirted chest of the man I ran into. I back up quietly into the darkness, regretting my decision to come out into the night.

"I'm sorry." I stammer, looking up from my feet.

It is Keenan standing there. His rain soaked hair dripping down into his face. He is smiling in the sexy, apologetic way only he can.

My sobbing makes a triumphant return. I cover my face with my hands. He grabs me and although he is soaking wet he is warm.

"I'm so sorry Ainslee. As soon as you left I realized that you are where I belong, wherever you are. I got Andrea to drive me out here. I had to stop you before I hurt you so bad you couldn't forgive me. I hope I'm not too late. I can't live without you for another moment. I love you."

I choke on my words and am left dumb for the second time facing him. In my lack of words I grab his face and kiss him furiously. The pouring rain mixes with my tears and falls on us both as we stand and kiss in the rainy blackness.