My Friend Dana - A Story of Pet Loss

I see that Friday morning as if it was just yesterday. After the vet dropped his bombshell I remember coming home and banging my toe on a cupboard. The pain was blinding and I reacted by throwing everything that came into my hand. I didn’t understand then that it was the pain in my heart, not the one in my toe, which was hurting so much.

Three months after Dana was diagnosed with cancer, I had reached the lowest ebb of my life. One morning, as I sat with Dana at my feet, thoughts of our impending separation filled me with deep sadness. ‘We’ve been together for 7 years and we’ve gone through a lot – even death. How can you leave me alone after all that?’ I asked her softly. Just then, Dana raised her head and looked me straight in the eye – wisely and knowingly. I saw something shining in her eyes as she seemed to be looking through me at something beyond.

Slowly, as I watched my robust little mate turning away from her favorite food or walking away from a game (something that had never happened in all the years we were together), I came face to face with the finality of death. Death became our constant companion – always a hair’s breadth away and always on my mind. Dana was stoic about it; I was trying desperately to find my balance.

As we reached the end of our time together, Dana became slow. But I remember thinking that the disease had not conquered Dana as much as it had stifled me. It had robbed me of simple pleasures, robbed me of the ability to laugh and feel happy. Dana was still the same, except during her moments of pain which she seemed to bearing stoically. I wondered whether the pain was so difficult because I was allowing it to control me. Maybe Dana knew something I didn’t, or maybe she had learnt that life has its own natural flows and stops.

As the end came nearer, I started to see my dog in a new light. She was no longer that scrawny little puppy I had picked up from a farmhouse litter. She was no longer that mischievous blooper that threw herself at anything that was moving. I forgot all the lessons of ‘Sit’, ‘Stay’ and ‘Wait’ that I had taught her. My little dog had somehow surpassed me in her journey through life. Here she was sitting at my feet and teaching me the most valuable lessons in life.

I learned from her to accept the inevitable. I looked upon each new day with Dana as a blessing. Our days and nights were punctuated with physical and emotional pain. I could see Dana slipping away in bits and pieces. She could hardly get her body to obey the orders she knew so well. Yet she tried. She never failed me or the lessons I taught her – never once! And there was this strange light of determination (I don’t know what else to call it) in her eyes. It was as if she wanted to show me something.

After Dana left me, I waited for a long time – I did’ not know what I was waiting for. May be a sign or a symbol from my little friend. I used to go to sleep with thoughts of her in my mind, but she never ever visited me in my dreams. I was disappointed – I had hoped for more. Was that all there was between us?

Things have changed a bit since Dana left. I have Luna now – a little furry cat. But, every time I walk through the patch of green that was Dana’s favorite spot, I feel her flopped on the grass with her ears kissing the flowerbeds. I know that Dana has really never gone away from me – she is a part of my life and will live on for as long as I remember her. Finally, after so many months, I am able to smile at that green patch without feeling the press of tears behind my eyes or the pull of sadness in my heart.

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