Must I Be Your Bride? - Chapter Eleven

They say family comes first; before anything. But what exactly do they mean? To not leave your immediate family, the family you were born into, just so you can go and make another one? How do you think that quote spreads? Parents say that to their kids, and so, the kids have to betray that saying just so they can pass it on to their own young ones. You can't stick with one family forever - live with them. You have to move on don't you? That's all I could think about as the dim light from the window started to come to life. I couldn't sleep. I was afraid; afraid of having, yet another, nightmare; afraid that I would wake up William again.

He said a couple of days. Two days? Today is day one, tomorrow is day two, and then day three is it. This will end. I was only regretting telling William to not bother pushing the wedding further. Why did I say that? Because I was sure what I wanted; almost so sure. But now, I don't know what to think.

He didn't come out of the living room when the maids walked in to take me to the room I was staying at. I was ushered out before I could go visit him, while the maid, that had the fever before me, repeated her apologies. This prepping was, by far, the worst of them all; because of how I felt, and how, for the first time, they were actually trying to chatter with me - all the talk concerning William. They finally got that I didn't really want to talk about it once they were done with my hair and makeup. They made me wear an ivory dress - I wasn't sure if it was some sort of horrible joke that was supposed to remind me about the wedding - with thin straps, beaded with some strange brown beads at the waist and the hemline - this was probably the shortest dress I've ever worn, but at least it didn't look inappropriate.

I felt the difference when William came to get me. We linked hands, but it didn't feel the same; distant. Even the breakfast was a bit awkward. The king and I didn't have the sarcastic solemn chatter we'd grown use to the last few days, John and Demitri didn't have their amusing fights to try to end an awkward conversation, the queen didn't compliment me on my dress, telling me how she wished she could look as good in it as I did. It was, as if, everyone felt the difference, and we were simply too scared to face it.

William and I went to the garden as we usually would, but we sat in the clearing in silence, not even mentioning how amazing the cookies were as we normally did. I was starting to think this was some sort of nightmare, and only wished to wake up.

The worst part was when we made it to his room. Once he switched on the TV, he took his usual seat next to me, but this time, he didn't offer his arms. He sat at the edge, and watched the TV as if it was an important football game. There was no one I could hide to when the worst parts of the horror movie came up. I was pretty much alone, inviting the horror from the movies into my head. Once the movie brought a part that made me nearly hop out of the couch, I got to my feet, and stomped over to the bedroom door.

But once I opened it and stared out into the empty hallway, I couldn't move. I didn't want to. For all I knew, these could be the last moments I'll be having with William, and despite the ignorance I'm getting, I wasn't going to leave. So I shut the door in frustration and leaned my head against it, trying to push back the thought of where this was all going to end, trying to push back the tears that came with it.

I waited, hoping William would follow, but when I didn't hear footsteps, this only made my shield weaken. I hoped he would have at least made sure I wasn't too frantic.

I backed up to his bed and took a seat, and it wasn't until I looked up that I realized he was standing behind me the whole time. He wasn't looking at me, he was staring out the window, and I could barely make out the same dull expression they had in them last night. I waited for him to take a seat beside me. He didn't.

"Maybe the movie was a little too horrid," he says, a bit distant.

I frown. Did he not understand what he'd been doing this whole day; avoiding me? Maybe I scared him that night I went a bit too extreme with the kissing.

I don't answer, but I do look away, not being able to see his dullness any longer. If it had been my looks that had turned him off before, than why isn't he functioning now? I don't think I looked much different, except for, maybe the dress being a little bit - only a tiny bit - more revealing than the others. Maybe it was that it was white. Maybe he didn't like to think much about the wedding, either. Which meant; did he not want to marry me, anymore? Or maybe, he never did.

Then it comes out before I can stop it. "Do you want to marry me?" And I bite my lips like I admitted being the cause for a crime.

He was also taken aback by my question, but he hides it pretty well on his face, although, his body goes tense. It's like he's searching for his answer outside the window, expecting for the sun beams to give it to him. So when he couldn't find his answer, he hesitantly took a seat beside me, but he kept his distance.

"It's not my decision", he says carefully. For some reason, this gets me irritated.

"Well it should be!" I snapped. And I was right. People were supposed to marry because they wanted to, because they loved each other, not because they had to. If we were really soulmates, than why were we hesitating to admit we weren't ready; and we weren't sure if we'd ever be?

"I need to know what you think", I whispered this time.

I looked at him to realize he was staring at me, his eyes getting hard to read by the second. With major hesitation, he scooted closer to me and held my face in his hands. His forehead leaned against mine, and he kept it there for a long moment, our eyes shut. I leaned forward to kiss him, but he only backed away, taking his distance again.

"I think", he says in a way that seemed he was forcing the words out, "That you should go home."

My heart sinks, and suddenly thoughts are flying by in my head with reasons on why I should stay.

I like it here.
I love the food; the cookies.
I get along perfectly well with the family.
I can have a life here.
I have the capacity to become a queen without making a mess of the responsibilities.
I can learn how to live as a vampire.
I want to marry William.

"Why?" I demanded. Now, I was on my way to being frantic.
"Because Serene", he says a bit sharply. "Because that's what's right."
"Says who?"
"You! You don't want this, I know you don't. You're blinding yourself right now; you're not facing the truth. You don't want to think about the life you'll have here because you know you'll never get used to it."

I look away, shutting my eyes in hope that the tears won't come out, but they find a way to betray me.

"Becoming a vampire isn't something people should wish for. Why vampires are almost like totem to the world of the humans today will never make sense to me. I'm not going to force this on you," William said a bit more calmly this time.

"It's not your choice, remember?" I said unevenly.

"It will be."

This was my cue to run out of the room and cry in my own, but I knew that was the last thing I was going to do.

"Don't", I snapped. "You're not George."

"I wish I could be," he sighed. "At least, he had a choice."

I sniffed, and tried so hard to stop the sick feeling I felt, the worst emotions, you could ever possibly feel, stir inside me.

"Why did you bring me here if you weren't even going to bother with the transformation?" With every word, I could hear them vibrate.

He was silent for a moment, and I was too afraid to turn back to him, knowing he was watching me.

"I didn't think it would end up this way."

"You never thought I'd fall for your charms and actually want to marry you?"

Again, he was silent, this silence being longer than the other. The minutes clicked by, and then I realized he wasn't going to answer.

I got to my feet and opened his bedroom door. "I request to stay in my room for the remaining days I have here." I was surprised I succeeded with sounding professional - well, maybe not so much. And then I walked out, shutting the door behind me, wishing I could only walk away from the part of my heart that was grieving.
_______________________________
Hey guys! So I'm trying to post two chapters this time because I don't think I'll be able to post during the weekend (but I will try!).

Thanks for the comments! I find myself fighting with fictional characters all the time:)