Musing in Montego Bay (Part I)

"Hi folks ! I am Joe…" The bus driver made a theatrical entry in to the bus and holding the railing of the door with his left hand, he paused and waved his right hand. Everybody looked at him with curiosity.

"Welcome to Montego Bay" Joe completed the sentence.

"Thank you" echoed the passengers in one voice.

Joe was a slim, tall man , slightly brownish complexion, with big round eyes and a thin layer of dark black hair all over his scalp as if somebody had painted his head black. He was wearing a sports shirt and jeans, with a broad smile on his face. He seemed to like that kind of attention and before the passengers could get distracted or look elsewhere, he bent his head forwards and flexed both his knees like a courtier and opened his mouth with a grin.

"I am your driver and guide this afternoon. I will take you around Montego Bay. I am sure all of you will enjoy this trip". Joe paused for a while. " But to enjoy the beauty of Jamaica you have to think like a Jamaican, enjoy like a Jamaican and be a Jamaican" he chuckled, " There are three words you guys need to know and remember in Jamaica. Yamaan, irie and no problem. Do you all want to enjoy this trip?"

"Yes…" came the answer.

"Yes…. means ‘yamaan’….." Joe had a unique way of saying things, " guys how are you feeling about your trip to the Montego city?"

"Great….." was the response.

"Good…. ‘great’ and ‘cool’ means ‘irie’…." Joe himself liked his way of educating people, "And guys we have no problems in Jamaica, no problems at all. Just some situations sometimes"

"Yes. Just as we have some issues at time, but no problems" retorted a passenger.

"Correct" Joe occupied his seat and started moving.

"Oh !" a scream coming from all the passengers erupted like a volcano, " Joe you are driving on the wrong side of the road".

"Wrong is right here folks, we keep to the left in Jamaica. British way you know" he giggled and accelerated his speed, "but don’t you worry, Joe will neither keep left nor right" he said with a plain face, " he will drive in the middle". Everybody looked surprised.

"It is a one way road…. ha …ha…ha " Joe was in the best of his mood, "so friends let us all say together…. Yamaan, irie, no problem " And he was on the main road in a few moments.

Like all other passengers, Peter was also amused with Joe’s communication skills. In fact he was the last passenger to board the mini bus scheduled for the city tour. When he took up his seat in the back he was almost disinterested in this trip and was surprised why everybody else seemed to be so excited, even though there was nothing to feel happy about. But he could not help but smile when the driver introduced himself. He liked his mannerism, his well rehearsed Americanized English and a wonderful sense of humor.

Joe was an excellent guide when he described old mansions and tourist attractions. He seemed to be thorough in history and archaeological background of Montego Bay. He briefly referred to some of the hotels and resorts located on the airport road and then turned left. "This is the famous great house in the country" Joe stopped by the side of the Rose Hall Great House, " This famous building has a history fraught with tragedy and mystery. Its one-time owner Annie Palmer, better known as "The White Witch," supposedly helped hasten the death of her three husbands for the sake of her paramour, and later managed to kill him as well when she suspected his affair with another woman……." Joe switched off the ignition and paused for a while as if expressing condolence for the four departed souls.

"One woman and four killings,. what a woman…." remarked one of the passenger.

"This suspenseful story casts a mysterious aura around this favorite tourist destination", Joe continued with his description . "One of the most popular books in Jamaican history - The White Witch of Rose Hall- is inspired by this true story".

"You can visit the ballroom, dining room, and Annie's bedroom and grave" Joe switched on the ignition key, " but the building is closed for renovation these days. May be you are able to see for yourself when you come next time".

"Joe,how is it that one woman got four people killed " most of the passengers were surprised to know that. Their expression, however, suggested as if they were asking, " If the women in this country are so dangerous, how do the men survive here?"

Joe gave them a meaningful smile as if he understood what they meant. His looks clearly said, "See, I am in front of you. Of course I have survived !"

"What is the male female population ratio in this country?" asked one scholarly tourist looking intensely at Joe who was ready with an academically brilliant answer.

"Twenty females to one male….." Joe made a wild guess without caring about the authenticity of the figure.

"That is it " exclaimed the scholar, " Women here seem to be really tough, biologically stronger."

"And dangerous too" chuckled another tourist.

Joe smiled and turned the bus towards downtown area and continued with his small speech about people, facilities for education, health services and real estate in Jamaica. " Nothing is free in Montego Bay. Look at these half built houses. Getting loans is not as easy as in United States. No money, no construction. Look at this building. It is under construction for twenty years. I have been seeing this building since I was a child" he pointed to a half constructed building which appeared to be old and wrecked.

"But you will also notice some of the posh homes higher up on the hills with the price ranging from 400,000 to 1,000,000 US dollars. Jamaica is an excellent place to invest in real estate, hotel business and other things." With his stylish emphasis on ‘other things’ most of the tourists could guess what he is hinting at and without further discussion they smiled to each other.

Joe later took the bus up to Richmond Hill Inn at the hill top from where a beautiful panoramic view of the town made it a day for all of them. Everybody was clicking his camera and some of them requested Joe to take their snaps with the background of scenic beauty all around them.

"I have the bad reputation of taking excellent snaps" giggled Joe, and he obliged almost everyone who sought his assistance. While driving down the hill Joe described the sugarcane business, the eating habits of Jamaican, the vegetables and the local fruits.

"A handful of islands grow ‘ackee’ as an ornamental tree, but only Jamaica looks at it as a tree that bears edible fruit. The ackee fruit is bright red and poisonous if eaten before it is fully mature. Never open an ackee pod. It will open itself when it ceases to be deadly".

" If the woman fails to get you, the fruit will kill you" remarked a tourist with tongue in cheek. Rest of the passengers burst into laughter. But Peter was not amused. He got tense soon after Joe described the Ross Hall story. His fellow passenger could notice that Peter was sweating even though they were travelling in an air conditioned bus. He looked at Peter with a strange expression but Peter avoided his glare and started looking away through the window.

"Ladies and gentleman ! we have returned to our base. I hope you enjoyed this trip. We also have other tours for some of the beautiful tourist spots around Montego Bay. Please let me know if you are interested to join any of these tours….." Joe stopped the bus in front of the Rose Hall Resort lobby and with a smile said loudly and clearly, " Acknowledgment of Joe’s services will be highly appreciated ! Say yamaan, irie, no problem!"

The departing passengers understood what Joe meant. His call for a ‘tip’ was innovative. After depositing a dollar in his hands the passengers got off the bus one by one.

"Sir, did you like the ride" Joe looked at Peter who was still inside the bus.

"Yes, I did" Peter responded without any expression on his face.

"Like to go to Kingston tomorrow" Joe was not too sure why Peter was not getting off the bus.

"How much do you earn a day?" Peter asked a direct question as if he was firing a shot in air which surprised Joe.

Joe thought for a while and could not figure out why he was asked this question. Looking at serious expression on Peter’s face he could guess that he was not joking.

"About fifty US dollars a day, Sir" Joe knew he was exaggerating.

"Take this." Peter handed him a hundred dollar bill, "Can you see me tomorrow at seven in the morning, room seven eight seven?"

Joe grasped the bill and did not know what to say.

"Ok thanks. See you tomorrow" Peter thanked Joe and without waiting for his response he walked towards the lobby.

(to be continued)