Countless dreams, hundreds of aspirations, myriad plans, full of expectations; that is with what I walked into our new apartment, the place where we were moving in together, the both of us. He had told me previously, "Will you be mine forever? And I literally mean "FOREVER". You are the light for me, don't keep me in darkness by staying away from me. Let's build our home together. Love you....", and it had filled my heart with the warm pain, the pain of love. I so wanted to hug him that instant..."
This was what my friend wrote to me, and a lot many other things, in her usual poetic language to impress upon me the importance of moving in together. She claimed that moving in with boyfriend is the best thing that could happen to any female. However, I have always believed otherwise. For me (you might call me orthodox), it's sort of escape. What is the purpose of moving in together without marriage? If you are not yet ready for the complete commitment, then why make a partial one? For me it was hypocrisy. Period.
But today, my friend is happily married to the man she loved, and it has partly changed my ideas and attitude towards the idea of "live-in". Here I have given an outline of what and how it works and I can only hope that you can judge for yourself whether
living in together before marriage is good or bad.
Are You Ready?
When do you know that? Well, simple. When your heart, as well as your mind says so. Moving in without marriage is a big step, bigger than marriage itself. Our society still does not approve of living in or any such kind of relationship. Not that I care much about what my neighbor's sister-in-law thinks about me, but what I think she thinks, is important. If you can get over all kinds of inhibitions, doubts and skepticism, well, you can go ahead with that one. Not that you are not answerable to the society, but once you can face yourself, you know you can face the world.
Any relationship, be it friendship, marriage or in this case, living together before marriage, trust is something you just can't do without. There is no point in living with someone, who you think is using your body wash (that was a joke!!), or is bringing home other females in your absence (that wasn't!). Your partner must know everything about you. Do not give her a shock some day by suddenly appearing in your undercover agent uniform, or may be come up as a terrorist (like "From Paris with love", starring John Travolta). Complete information about each other helps build trust and respect.
Living together is a very big step and must not be taken in a haste. A couple that is completely sure of the relationship and is ready to face all the negative consequences; heart breaks, pain, rejection - can only plan of cohabitation before marriage. There are no test drives possible in relationships my friend, so if your idea is such, you are yet not ready. Give your relationship time, and give the thought some time as well. The hasty decision can cost you your relationship.
Some Cues for Success
No one can possibly guide you in achieving success in a live-in relationship, or for that matter anything related to the heart, but a perfect blend of practicality and estimations, along with the romantic factor can give you a perfect cuppa of a relationship.
| Keep the Rule Book Aside |
| The first rule is, keep the rules away when you are moving in together. It is not a hostel room that you are sharing with your roommate. He is your partner and may be your future husband, rules do not have any meaning here. |
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| No Trespassing |
| Try to know his boundaries, and do not cross that. Every individual needs his own space, and respecting that is very important. Remember, you will receive what you give. The plant of your love will die without this much-needed oxygen. |
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| Sensibility Speaks for Itself |
| You are together for obvious reasons. Do not insult your relationship by being impolite, rude or insulting. Your partner is your soul mate, but he is also an individual who expects you to respect him. Please be sensible enough to understand that. Sort out your relationship issues with maturity. |
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| Remember Who You Are |
| At no point of time should you forget what and who you are. You are an individual who has a place in the society, who has a circle of friends and who has her personal hobbies and interests. Do not give up your individuality and identity for anything or anyone. Especially this relationship advice for women is meant for those girls who absolutely mold themselves according to their partners after moving in before marriage, I do not mean it's completely wrong, but you still have to maintain your identity as an individual. If he loves you, he will understand. |
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| Be All Ears |
| You definitely need this, active listening skills. For all this time you have been dating, you have spent some good hours in each others company. Spending day after day, night after night requires you to be with her during her blues as well. You need to listen about the fight which she had with her colleague and also about her discussion with her mom. Patience is a key to this and remember that she will always be there when you need to talk and share. That would be the incentive for moving in with girlfriend. |
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| The Reason is You |
| Always, constantly, keep reminding yourself the beautiful relationship that you share, the reason why you decided upon moving in together and the intensity of romance between the two of you. The essence of a relationship is in acknowledgment. Be happy and grateful that you met your partner and never miss out on the fun element ever. |
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| Find Bliss in Forgiveness |
| A foremost rule, forgive and forget. Living together will bring in a truckload of misunderstandings initially as you will take time to understand and adjust with each other. During this period, forgive your partner without expecting him to forgive you the next time. Obviously, I am not telling you to kill your self-respect; talk it out later, but for that moment, forgive. |
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| Expectations Can Wait |
| Keep the level of expectations to the minimum. I know it is difficult to do that, but trust me this will surely pay off. Expectations will bring in complications and will spoil all the efforts put by both of you in moving in together. Obviously, expecting your partner to take a shower is pretty understandable, but too much of emotional expectations should be avoided. |
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God has blessed you with one life, never give yourself any chance of regret. Always remember, your life is yours and you have the maximum right over it. Do what your heart says is right. And a parting advice; be prepared for the worst. If the "living-in concept" does not work out, do not blame yourself or your partner, do not break down and do not stop living. The bad times will make you cry, but try to think about the memorable moments you have spent together. Meeting the one meant for you is difficult, sometimes impossible. Remember him as the one who was there for you when you needed him. Take life as it comes and never ever stop smiling!!
