Mom Don’t You See

Did you realize I’m in depression?
How long I’ve been in depression?
Or even the reason is because of this family.
You never really saw me
You saw the Sarah I always wanted to be
I lived to be your angel
And Luis’s little girl
But no one really understood my pain
Or saw through all my tears and cry’s for help
Can’t you see what is going on?
Don’t you see how much I’m hurting
I cry myself to sleep dreaming hoping wishing for a brighter future
For this family to finally live with no financial issues.
For my own mother to wake up and realize I just care.
For Paula to see its my life I want to live not hers.
I want mike to realize I wish he was more involved in my life.
The same for Luis.
Maybe no one sees what makes up my life,
What has built me up with great depression and sorrow.
You said to me you drink to relax but have you ever seen yourself when your like that
Do you ever think what each drink does to you?
Does no one understand I want to live my own life.
Doesn’t anyone see I’m not able to live up to their expectations
Why can’t I say this face to face with you?
Why don’t you think of every time I’ve ever tried to say anything,
You yell at me and call me a disappointment
How do you think that makes me feel mom,
What if you were in my shoes where would you be now?
You think you’d be getting good grades in high school
Cleaning up after every mess made in the house
Walk around with a fake smile day to day
Fighting back the temptation of seeing yourself bleed
Holding back the tears that fall like razorblades,
What if you lived my life one day
Then would you see what I face.
One day it will all end
I will no longer pick up after this family
I will no longer feel this pain
I will no longer feel sorry for what I never said.
Then how will you feel?
Will you then see why I want it all to end?
Or will it always remain a mystery to you?
I think I’ve finally realized why I hurt so bad,
Why I never want to make a hard decision,
I put others before myself,
I never look out for what’s best for me……and for once I’m putting myself first.
Please don’t be mad mom,
But I can no longer take this pain
I finally wish to be set free.
Tell my brother and Sister I love them,
Tell Luis he was the best Father I could have ever asked for.
Its time for me to go now and leave with great despair