Miss Hot Topic and Mr. Abercrombie Together?! chapter 14

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-----------CHAPTER FOURTEEN---------------

As I walked away into the night, leaving Austin behind, the tears flowed out of me like a huge faucet had been turned on in my eyes. I thought about everything he said, everything he did, everything he gave...It was all a lie, all just a childish revenge plan. And I believed him and trusted him so easily. How could I have been so naive? I knew the answer to that question all too well.

Because I loved him.

Because no matter what I do or say to him, he will always be my first true love.
Man, love kills.

*

After wondering around a bit, I found myself at the empty park next to the broken down playground. My feet killed from walking around so much so I just sat on the cold, wooden bench-letting my thoughts escape. Suddenly, I just had a big urge to just go on the swings (I know, I’m just weird like that) so I heaved myself onto the bright red one and let the strong wind carry me off the floor. I closed my eyes, concentrating to only think about happy things, going back to my old memories /before/ any of /this/ happened...My thoughts wondered back to good ole' times like my sixteenth birthday party, the birth of Collin, the family vacation to Hawaii, Elle and Jacob, the day Austin gave me the silver necklace...My eyes flew open involuntarily and I knew I lost to myself once again.

Then I suddenly realized I was still wearing his stupid necklace--the one he gave to me to tell me he loved me, the one he lied through. My heart thumped unevenly and I closed my eyes again, regretting so much that I could never un-do.

I took a deep breath and undid the hatch on the delicate silver necklace, letting it slither off of my neck and onto my waiting hands. It was weird not having it on since I never took it off after he gave it to me. When it landed smoothly on my palm, the tiny 'I love you' on the silver heart caught the gray moonlight. I could feel another crying hysteria coming on so I swallowed hard, biting on the inside of my cheek and trying to ignore the taste of blood on my tongue. Then I realized I would never get a second 'first true love' and that I only had him, no matter how lousy it turned out. I sighed, jumping off of the swing. I walked slowly and surely towards where the trail started. But instead of walking onto the trail, I veered off to the side and made my way straight into the woods. I kept walking and walking deeper into the unknown territory. Any other day, I would have been scared silly and I probably would have peed my pants, but today was different. My silly, little-girl fears meant little to me now. But I did find some new things to be terrified of. I had ‘big girl’ fears (and they were so much worse than the Boogie Monster). Like boys. But it wasn’t because of their "cooties". I was scared of boys because now I knew what they could do to you. Break you into a million pieces and just walk away smiling.

As I thought about all these things, I didn’t realize how far I was from the playground and the park until I heard an owl hoot in the distance. I stopped, resting against an ageing oak tree. This was it.

I kneeled down in front of the tree and started to dig on the soft soil. I could feel the dirt going in my nails but didn't care one bit. I didn't stop digging until there was a big amount of soil to my left. Then I took in a deep breath, kissed the necklace goodbye forever, and dropped it gently into the hole. I took one last look at it, while the moon and the stars shined brightly onto me, before I started to cover it up with the soil. When I was sure it was hidden safely, I patted the ground to smooth it out.

"I don't hate you, Austin. I didn't mean any of that shit I said earlier. I love you so much but I think its goodbye, just for now." I whispered into the empty darkness in front, knowing no one was here.

After the goodbye I felt much better than before. I got up, holding onto a low branch, and brushed my dress free of dirt. Then I slowly walked away from the necklace, leaving a part of me behind, underneath that tree.

--

When I finally got home it was two in the morning. I had blisters all over my feet from walking so much with heels on, my eyes were still red and puffy, my dress was a mess, and all I really wanted now was a hot bubble bath-you know, the ones with rubber duckies? But I had to admit, I felt a whole lot better now. I actually felt like myself again, like Selena Rose Murphy-the one who curses 24/7, the one who hates preppy zombies, the one obsessed with Hot Topic. Of course, my heart still just ached for HIS arms but it also knew that was beyond impossible. It understood things now. Austin and I were just incompatible, no matter how much I loved him...

I tried to creep into my house as quietly as I could, not wanting to disturb my parents or Collin but I was about to find out that that was unnecessary.

"OH SHIT." I yelled loudly and threw my silver clutch up in the air when I saw my mom still sitting on the tan beat up sofa in the living room.

"You're finally home! So tell me how the dance went!!" she giggled like a little girl, pushing me down onto the sofa. Then she finally snapped out of her "my daughter's first dance" mode and looked at me suspiciously. "Why in the world do you look like a ZOMBIE right now?"

"Long story. Don't really want to explain. To wrap it all up, the dance sucked. Good night, mom." I sighed and escaped to my room, leaving my poor mother worried sick.

--

After a good long bath with my yellow ducks, I jumped onto my bed with my comfiest pajamas on. I rolled onto my side, lazily, reaching for my phone that was vibrating like crazy. It read:

FIFTEEN NEW MESSAGES FROM AUSTIN <3
FIVE NEW MESSAGES FROM ELLIE
FOURTEEN MISSED CALLS

I didn't bother reading any of the texts, not even the ones from Elle. I deleted everything, including the unknown voice mails. It would all probably be bullshit anyway.

Before I went to sleep, I promised myself the rest of this crappy year was going to be boy-free, romance-free, and drama-free. I cried enough today to make up for the whole year. No more of this. No more.
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