Me & My Computer Mouse

I’m a computer user. Not only do I use a computer, I own one too. Every day when I wake up I’m filled with the excitement of being able to use it. I pop open my laptop, hit the power button, and wait with my hands on the computer mouse in excitement. And then up on the screen flashes "WINDOWS XP" with that cool little green bar below that moves back and forth.

"Ooh, it’s moved back and forth once now, how much longer do I have to wait? It’s been 3 times already – when is the darned screen going to come up?" I think. I click on my computer mouse thinking that might speed up the process. Nothing happens, so I left-click over & over again, then I alternate between left & right clicks, then just right clicks. Darned computer mouse! What are you good for besides pointing and clicking on things? Sure you’re better than a touch pad, but don’t go getting cocky computer mouse! I could replace you in a heartbeat with one of those spiffy tracker-ball thingies!

Ooh…the Windows screen just disappeared, and I can see my icons coming up now. Come on – get up quickly. I must check my email. I must get connected with the rest of the world! I’ve spent the last 8 hours of my life asleep, disconnected, unable to learn what’s been posted on my latest blog, unable to find out if something new has been posted on Homestarrunner.com.

Ahh, finally – firefox internet browser has opened up. Why is this taking so long? Come on – come up homepage. Sweet…click on the address bar with my computer mouse. Type in my email URL. Did I get anything? Yes! Another email from that nice Nigerian man who wants to give me tons of money, and 2 emails asking me if I wish to gamble online. I use my computer mouse to click ‘reply’ and tell the nice gambling people, "I do not wish to gamble, but thank you for offering me the choice."

Now let’s go see what’s new in the world. Head on over to www.msnbc.com. or www.whatsnew.com or www.whyintheworldareurlssolongthesedays.com. Ooh, a story about character recognition software – come on computer mouse, let’s click on that…Ahh! What the crap? Why did my window just disappear?

Did I? I did! I accidentally bumped that darned touch pad with my elbow again. Right before I could possibly get to the article on character recognition software too. I wanted to read that! I think it could be extremely useful for stopping the evil publishing companies ripping off the masses by using the character recognition software to scan the new Harry Potter book and getting it online as soon as possible for the masses to view for free!

Oh well, I’ll just grab my trusty old computer mouse and just click on the browser again…and…what’s wrong computer mouse? Why are you not causing the little cursor to move? Do you think that I don’t value your computer mouse skills highly enough and so you are going on strike & forcing me to use the touch pad so I will appreciate you more? Well, this sucks! I’ll show you! I’ll boycott you right back computer mouse! I won’t use yo….oh wait, you just came unplugged. Sweet, you’re working again. Okay, back to the internet and fulfilling my plan to free the masses from publishing company oppression.