Love or Career? - Chapter 3

Farrah

I’m feeling dead beat this morning as I unlock my store. I didn’t get home until past midnight last night and then after some paperwork, I managed to squeeze in about four hours of sleep. Now I can barely keep my eyes open. I’ll have to ask Emily to watch the store again today so I can go to the studio upstairs to get some shuteye.

Last night, David and I sat in the coffee shop and we talked about everything. He made me laugh so many times talking about the things he and his co-workers did to piss off his former boss. Now he’s manager of the restaurant because apparently everyone who worked there was pissed off at the boss and voted for him to manage the restaurant. Well I was very happy for him when he told me, but quite frankly, I don’t really remember David ever really loving cooking.

I hear someone coming through the front doors and thankfully as I walk down from the upstairs studio, it’s Emily.

"Em, I’m exhausted," I flat out tell her.

"Ooh, fun night?" she asks, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Emily! I don’t mean it like that!"

She laughs and hands me the spare key from last night. "Come on, how much sleep did you get last night?"

"You mean how much sleep did I get this morning? I got home at past midnight and did some paperwork and went to sleep around four," I tell her. I rub my eyes a little and realize that I’ve now smudged my eyeliner. "Oh great."

"Did you go for a couple drinks or something after the reunion?" Emily starts accessorizing the new dress forms for me while I go through the usual routine of setting up the cash register.

"No, I went for coffee with a friend to catch up."

"Oh Farrah, look at your face. Guilty is charged. What’s his name?"

I rub my face and it doesn’t feel that warm. "What do you mean? What’s wrong with my face?"

"I’ve worked for you for quite a few years now. I can tell when you’re hiding something."

Oh this girl knows everything. "His name is David and he’s an old high school... lover."

"Ex-lover?"

I think about this for while and nod. "He hurt me, I hurt him, and then he hurt me again as a result."

"Oh Farrah. You haven’t dated anyone else since?"

Come to think of it, I’ve never actually talked about my love life to Emily. "I dated a little in college, but you know me. I’m someone who would choose to have a career over love."

Emily nods understandingly. At that moment, we stop talking because a customer walks in and she looks like the type who will spend hours in the store, but also buy a lot. It’s a win-win situation.

I let Emily handle her and trudge upstairs to the sofa. I close my eyes and soon I’m drifting off to sleep.

The Morning After the Graduation Banquet

On Monday morning, I walk to my locker quite slowly, as my feet are still hurting from the heels I wore on Sunday night to the banquet. Oh how I’m dreading today. Then again, I dread every single day in this school so it’s nothing new.

I turn the numbers on my lock and once my locker is open, I dump my books on the shelf and grab a pencil for art class.

"Hi," a voice says from behind my locker door.

I move it slightly to see David standing there grinning at me and looking all smug.

"Hi," I say dully.

He pulls me into a hug which I find to be awkward because I don’t return it.

He lets go of me and searches my eyes. "What’s wrong?"

Oh god, I have to say this now or I’ll never be able to say it. "David, last night, that kiss didn’t mean anything."

His face falls flat but he holds my arm tightly. "To you? It didn’t mean anything to you?"

I nod.

"Right, so then why did you kiss me?" his voice starts rising, but it’s not out of anger. I know he’s upset and it makes me feel worse about what I’m going to tell him next.

"I don’t know why David. I’m sorry, it was a mistake, but when you told me you’ve been trying so hard, I just... I didn’t know what to do."

"I’m the one who is supposed to hurt you. I did hurt you before, but now you’re doing the same to me. Don’t you know how it feels?" he asks me, tightening his grip on my wrist.

"Yes, I do know how it feels." We both stand there in silence until I finally say, "David, we can’t do this."

"Why not?"

"I’m going to design school. It’s several hundred miles away from here," I tell him.

"You’re not even going to try to make us work?"

I don’t say anything and I think he senses I won’t say anything because he pulls me into a hug again, but it’s as if it’s a life or death hug. In this case, it’s a stay or goodbye hug.

"I’m sorry. Is this enough now? I love you Farrah," his voice sounds so shaky it scares me a little.

He doesn’t love me though. I know it. Once I’m gone, he’s going to move onto another girl, then the next, and the next again.

"Please stay," his muffled voice asks me.

"If you really loved me, you wouldn’t ask me to stay," I push him off me and stand a few steps away from him.

"Why are you so selfish Farrah?"

"Am I being so selfish to say that I want to actually create a future for myself? I’m only getting out of high school now David. I don’t want to be all settled. My career comes first," I’ve made my point clear to him I think. As much as this hurts him, I’m leaving. I can’t be all caught up in a relationship that I know won’t work.

"So that’s what happened Emily," I told her the whole story from beginning to end a few hours later after our customer left and I woke up.

"David cheated on you, begged for your forgiveness, and then you broke his heart?" she asks, dumbfounded.

"It sounds really bad when you say it like that."

"But you had coffee with him last night. Did that stir any old emotions?"

I think back to last night when we were laughing and talking about ourselves. "Hmm, not really," I tell her honestly. "I mean, we talked like old friends catching up with each other’s lives."

Emily smiles a little to encourage me to smile too and asks, "You don’t feel anything for him anymore?"

"No, I don’t."

* Thank you soooo much for the comments last chapter! To the one commenter, I will try my best to space out time evenly throughout my chapters. I often get writer's block or I'm really preoccupied with school, but I think I will try to post a new chapter at the beginning of every week.

About my fashion competition: I got sixth place out of 22 contestants! I was really upset that I didn't get top 3, but when I found out I got sixth, I was ecstatic! I had a lot of fun and I learned so much. Now, I'm back to reality and I have to work my butt off to finish math this year so I can basically have a math-free senior year!

Other than that, thanks so much for reading! I feel like this chapter is so bland, but it's useful in some ways. The next one should be up next week!