Lou's Life Chap 5 "Choices"

They say time waits for no man. Time flies when your having fun. Apparently time doesn't wait for vampires either. I'm running late this morning. I hate being late. There are so many times like this when I'm so tempted to just use instant movement, it would really solve my scheduling issues. I have to remind myself of the consequences. The consequences outweigh the benefits. If I don't keep focusing on all the problems that could arrive from me behaving like a vampire, then I will take the easy way out. Sometimes, just for fun when I'm bored, I will even sit here and think about what would happen if I jumped up and killed everyone in my Am. Lit. class. I can snooze through the class, I have taken it so many times. So my imagination has the time to conjure scenarios in my head. Lots of killing, lots of screaming, me covered in blood. But every time I think like that I give myself the creeps. Even though its creepy and disturbing on so many levels, I cannot deny the vampire that I am. If I chose to feed on humans, I could kill my classmates. If I chose to act like a vampire, I could use instant action. If I allowed myself to live like a typical vampire, I would not have a nice home in every city where I attend schools. It's all about choices. Everyday, with everything I do, it's a series of choices.
Choices, I thought as I lay crumpled on Quinn's floor, I have some serious choices to make. What the hell am I supposed to do now?? How do I assess this situation, and what do I do about it? Well, I guess the first thing is to come to terms with the fact I cannot go back. I will never again be the way I was. This is permanent, it's eternal. I cannot go home and cannot see my family ever again. Even if someday I could convince Quinn to let me leave this place and maybe even have access to my family, they are humans. Humans with sweet smelling blood in their veins. What if it had been my mother or father that had walked in the door just then? Would I have tried to kill them the same way I had the gypsy? I cannot go back to my life being the way it was. This has literally changed my ENTIRE existence. But I have always been an optimistic type of person. I always try to make the best of each situation and see the silver lining in the storm clouds. I can sit here and cry about it or I can move on. Another choice. I feel like I owe it to myself to feel a certain amount of grief for the loss of my life. But I can also move on, I can adapt and adjust to my new life.

The door opened. I closed my eyes. I smelled the blood, felt the burn. I forced myself not to move, not to breathe. I waited. I heard footsteps running away. The smell of blood started fading away. I didn't hear the door close, so whomever had entered had left the door open. I pushed myself up into a sitting position and opened my eyes. This was my first look outside Quinn's room. There wasn't much to see, nothing but darkness. Within a few seconds, Quinn was coming down the corridor. There was a wide path winding through the rocks from the front room back to Quinn's room. He still had a man tossed over his shoulder and a torch in the hand that wasn't holding the mans legs. Where had he gone, and why was he still carrying the gypsy? Was he bringing him back? Was he going to let me feed? I stood and waited. As he came down the path, I was totally focused on the human and I began to notice that this man was not the gypsy that he had left with.
"Emilian must have been mistaken. He said my woman lay dying on the floor. You're not dead, you look fine."

Quinn shut and bolted the door, walked to the center of the room, and put the man on the ground at my feet. He was only a few years older than me. He was dressed in simple armor and I guessed him to be one of the soldiers that Quinn had went out to "take care of". I couldn't tear my eyes away from his face. I could smell the blood, feel the burn and hear his heart beating, but some bizarre reason it didn't seem to matter. He was unconscious, but there was still a flush to his cheeks. He looked so young and handsome. He looked like someone I would know, like he could be my brother, like he was somebody I could be friends with. Choices, always choices. Did I choose to kill him? Part of me wanted to. The thirst was there, strong as ever. It was taking every ounce of my willpower not snatch the man up from the floor and sink my teeth into his soft, hot flesh. What made him different from the gypsy? For one thing, my reaction to the gypsy was almost instinctual. I couldn't really control it, didn't think about what I was doing before I did it. I was definitely thinking about that reaction now. For another thing, with the gypsy, it really didn't register with me that he was an actual person. I kinda just looked at him as food, the way a bear would look at a deer. But for this soldier boy in front of me, he was a person. I'm not entirely sure why, but with this man, his humanity came shining through.

"What's his name?"
"I don't know, I didn't ask. I don't usually play with my food long enough to know their names. Why do you want to know his name?"
I looked up at Quinn. He was leaning against the edge of his desk looking at me with a confused expression, like he couldn't understand why I was wasting time asking absurd questions when I could be feeding. I decided to lie. " I know him, he came to the convent once for lodging for the night. We gave his company food and shelter once"
"Well, that is of no consequence now. I know you are hungry, I brought you food. I can help you learn what to do if your willing."
I couldn't kill this boy. I just couldn't. The thirst for blood was there, so strong I thought I was going to die, but he just looked so human, so beautiful, so helpless. It would be like taking a butcher knife and shredding a priceless painting. Just because one has the ability to do something does not mean it is something they should do. But what was I going to do now? How would I explain this to Quinn, and what would he say? Would he let me refuse to feed on this poor boy?
The human stirred and opened his eyes. Beautiful blue eyes stared into mine. In the span of a heartbeat I was lost. "Où sont je ? Qui sont vous ?" Where am I? Who are you?, he asked. "Mon nom est Alouette Sivney et vous êtes sûrs pour maintenant. " I introduced myself and told him he was safe. I looked up at Quinn again. He was still leaning on the desk. "Now, THAT is going to be a problem, we do not play with our food, they are not our friends, we do not speak to them, my dear. Kill him now, quickly! You can do it now and feed, or I will do it and you can go hungry. You decide"

"Mon nom est Marcus Rochere et je suis un soldat dans l'Armée de Sa Majesté." His name was Marcus, the man said as he stood up, still speaking French. "You can kill me but I will be missed. They will come looking for me. I am with an entire regiment of soldiers. You can't possibly hope to fight off all of us" He was glaring at Quinn as he said that last part. Quicker than either of us could blink, Quinn was behind the man twisting his arm back like he was trying to make the man touch his own shoulder. Marcus cried out in pain and surprise. Quinn closed his eyes, put his face close to the man's ear, and inhaled slowly, like someone might sniff a bouquet of flowers. "I could kill you now. I could kill you before you would even realize you were dead. But I did not bring you here for me, you are here for her." Two pairs of eyes were watching me, one a warm, dark blue full of pain and fear; one a cold, pale ice full of hate and death. "You need not worry about your regiment coming for you, because they are gone. It's been weeks since I had a good feed and they made me very happy and satisfied. I hate being hungry. But now I'm full and I don't need your blood. I think I will keep you for her. If she doesn't want to feed on you now, she will eventually" And with that he struck Marcus on the side of the head, knocking him unconscious again.

He carried him to the foot of the bed, sat him on the floor, and lashed him to the bedpost with rope. Quinn turned to me and smiled. No words at first, just an evil, taunting smile. "Eventually you'll get hungry and you will eat. Either the human will starve or you will. You will accept this life and you will feed on human blood" My first thought was, now I'm out of the frying pan and into the fire. If I was unsure about what to do earlier. I was really in trouble now. I remember living at home and my heart being broken every time my father had to kill a pig or sheep. By the time they got big enough to be killed for food, I had named them and they were my friends. It's hard to eat when your dinner is your friend. Very early on, my parents made a rule and wouldn't let me make friends with our livestock. But no mater how hard they tried to drill into me that it was wrong, I just couldn't seem to help myself. Again with choices, what do I do? I was thirsty, so very thirsty and hungry, just as hungry as I was when that gypsy had first come in the room and my hunger had been awakened. My young soldiers blood was making me burn each time I inhaled. But he wasn't food, he was Marcus. Marcus was a person, he probably had parents and siblings, he probably had friends, he had a future. I had no future, Quinn had taken that from me. I couldn't take this boy's life from him. How was I supposed to choose between saving this boy's life or satisfying my hunger?