Losing Friends

We have all lost friends at one point or another, and even though a friendship is different than a relationship we may have with our significant other, losing a friend can affect us very deeply. Friends are the ones we turn to when life throws us hardships, when we need someone to lean on, when we need a second opinion or a new perspective. How do we heal when this important part of our life no longer exists?

Every situation is different, but the fundamental principal remains the same throughout – it hurts when we lose someone close to us. The question is, when you feel like you’re losing a friend, what are you willing to do to keep the friendship alive? What steps are you willing to take to keep this person in your life? Sometimes we reach a point where, unfortunately, the amount of effort we are putting into keeping the friendship is not only greater than the effort the other is contributing, but also greater than what we ourselves are able to commit. So where do we draw the line, and when the time comes to end the friendship, how do we end it peacefully, without regret or inflicting further pain on the other or on ourselves?

I believe that most people aim for peace in every unpleasant situation. We want to keep things pleasant, especially when we are dealing with someone we care about. This can be difficult, especially if we are involved in a friendship that is simply no longer working, because of conflict, difference of opinion, lifestyle changes, or any other reason. Regardless of the circumstances, it is important for you to determine your boundaries within the friendship before you determine a course of action. Setting boundaries will help you determine how to handle the situation peacefully, and to the best of your ability.

If you decide that a friendship is no longer healthy for you, how do you go about either resolving the conflict, or disconnecting yourself from it? Again, there are many different paths you can take, and depending on the nature of the dispute, some may be better suited than others. For example, if despite your frustration you still have a pleasant friendship, you may be able to talk to them openly, explain how the friendship is affecting you, and either offer a solution, or end the relationship peacefully. If, on the other hand, they are being hostile, or causing your life distress, you may be forced to end the friendship immediately, without notice, and without attempting to resolve the issue at hand.

Either way, regardless of the situation or the final result, there is inevitably a healing process that follows the loss of a friend. The closer you are to your friend, the more difficult this process will probably be. There is nothing wrong with taking time to mourn if this will help you overcome the loss. So if it’s pain you feel for the loss of a friend, allow yourself to feel it.

It may seem silly, mourning over the loss of a friend, but it’s not. The emotions you feel are very real. You can’t expect them to go away over night, and in some cases, especially if a great amount of hurt is involved, the feelings may never go away completely. Sometimes time can heal these wounds, but since we are cumulative beings affected by the actions and experiences of our lives, we may walk away from the situation forever affected by it, left only to learn from what has transpired, and forced to tread more carefully in the future.

Sometimes time does not heal wounds that run deep, and we have no choice but to remember the fond times of our friendship, and hopefully not become bogged down by the finality of it. Either way we must move on and cherish the friends that we have at the moment, because we never know how life will affect these friendships in the future. Just remember that just because a friend leaves your life, it doesn’t mean that all is lost. The knowledge and understanding that you gain through the experience, however painful, is what will carry you through the next phase of your life. That alone can make the journey worthwhile.