Lohan Assures Fans that MySpace is her Forum for Crushing Rumors

Lindsay Lohan, sick and tired of hearing rumors that she and girlfriend Samantha Ronson are breaking up, took angrily to her MySpace blog today to squelch the rumors and take some jabs at the entertainment media (without whom she would be…a red-haired girl with some freckles). Wrote Lohan on the blog, "today i was out with my friend Jamie and paparazzi wouldn’t stop asking me where Samantha was and i’m not writing this blog because i feel like i need to prove that i’m with my girl to anyone at all. but because it’s just annoying. and i want to vent." As usual, Lohan ignored the rules of grammar and punctuation – the effect, rather than giving us a modern-day E.E. Cummings, is more that of a blazing-thumbed texter who didn’t pay attention in school. Lohan, however, isn’t getting paid the big bucks to be smart.

Lohan, in the semi-coherent style indicative of an improperly-educated American teenager, went on, "and I love myspace because it allows me to vent without having to deal with the noise of the ‘tabloids’ and ‘stalkerazzi’s.’" Lohan, so enamored of MySpace that she said she would announce a breakup with Samantha on the popular social networking site, most certainly gain any points with he gal, but we’ll have to wait to hear about that fallout until later.

Ending up her profanity-laced tirade, Lohan went on to sing the praises of MySpace thusly: "wow- the people that make s*** up must really feel silly, embarrassed, out of stories, s******, f*****, punk'd, and so much more. because, i can use myspace and just let everyone know what's really going on. which is so much more fun! cuz now, people can get to know the REAL me. yay!" Well said indeed Lindsay – the aforementioned Mr. Cummings is, as I write this, rolling over in his grave at being mentioned in the same article as you.