Living Proof - Chapters One and Two

Chapter One

Cancer is the uncontrolled growth of abnormal cells in the body. The disease grows out of the body's normal cells. Normal cells multiply when the body needs them, and die when the body doesn't need them. Cancer appears to occur when the growth of cells in the body is out of control and the cells divide too quickly. It can also occur when cells forget how to die. There are many different kinds of cancers. Cancer can develop in almost any organ or tissue, such as the lung, colon, breast, skin, bones, or nerve tissue.

I imagined this was the kind of thing the doctor had said to my family after he had told us the outcome of Mom's biopsy and blood tests.

Dr. Wellman had invited my mother and father into the examination room, along with me and my two older sisters, Melissa and Heather. I already knew the results weren't good, the sweet smile on Dr. Wellman's face hid the obvious sympathy he had as he looked at my mother, as if trying to comfort the frightened woman. I wanted to hit him as he told us he'd be right back and left us in the room.

Mom sat up on the examination table, Dad in the chair. My sisters and I stayed standing. I stood by myself on the side opposite my sisters. I knew Mom was scared and I knew that I had to be there for her, to help her be strong because I already knew that it was going to be a long road after today.

My mom had her hands folded in her lap and I could see them shaking slightly. I reached out and put my hand on hers. They were warm and clammy, but I didn't care. She looked at me, her face pale. At the time, she didn't look sick. She looked like a normal, healthy, forty-six-year-old woman.

She smiled slightly at me, clutching my fingers in hers, holding my hand tightly. I smiled back, glad that I could comfort her.

Dad sat in the wooden chair in the other corner of the room. He sat nearly stone still, but I could tell how nervous he actually was. His eyes fluttered all over the room and his breathing was excessive. I felt bad for him, wondering what it was like being in his position right now. It had to be almost as bad as being in Mom's.

We all sat in silence as we waited for the doctor, he didn't make us wait too long. The tall, blonde man walked in, the same fake smile on his face. Wellman was only in his late thirties, but he was one of the most known cancer doctors in Maine. As soon as our family doctor began to think that something could be wrong, he immediately referred Mom to Michael Wellman, Maine's number one cancer surgeon.

"And how is the Campbell family today?" He asked, smiling at us all. He sat down on the stool and scooted closer to us.

"Anxious," said my father. He didn't like to be toyed with, all he wanted to know was whether or not his wife was dying. "What's the verdict, doc?"

Dr. Wellman nodded and sighed. "I figured you folks would just want to know what you came here for," he said and turned around to gather up the paperwork from Mom's file.

Mom squeezed my hand as he thumbed through the pages, stopping at a particular page with a red stamp on it marked CONFIDENTIAL. We all knew it was the test results. I already knew what it said.

Dr. Wellman looked up at us, his eyes scanning our faces and then resting on my mother's. He sighed.

"You have lung cancer, Kelly," he said, and the remorse was now clear on his face.

I felt my mother inhale. I waited for the breath to come out, but it didn't. I looked at her, fear washing through me. Mom was frozen, staring ahead, but not at Dr. Wellman. Dad was at her side in an instant, his arms around her, hugging her.

I looked over at my sisters, each one of them with tears in their eyes. My tears hadn't come yet. They were supposed to be there, but they wouldn't come. I looked back at Dr. Wellman.

"Now, there is treatment. Radiation, chemotherapy. We've caught it fairly early, although lung cancer is almost always terminal, we can at least shrink the tumor."

"How long?" Mom asked, her voice quivering.

The doctor cleared his throat. "Without treatment, I'd say about a year. With treatment, it could add-on about two to three more years, maybe more. Lung cancer isn't impossible to beat, Kelly. Keep that in mind. I'd like to see you back here next week, that will give you some time to figure out what you'd like to do treatment wise."

Mom nodded.

I didn't hear anything after that, it was as if my brain shut off and I was on auto-pilot. I couldn't see, I couldn't hear, everything was just pitch black and soundless. I felt scared, but there wasn't anything I could do, I couldn't move. There was no one with me, I was alone in the dark.

I didn't come back until Dr. Wellman stood up and reached for Mom's hand. She took it and looked up at him as he spoke.

"I'm so sorry, Kelly. But don't give up hope yet," he told her.

Mom smiled at him. "Hope is all I have," she said quietly.

Dr. Wellman said goodbye to us and then left.

For a while, we all just sat in silence, huddled around Mom, as if we were trying to protect her from something that was already inside of her body, eating away at her lungs.

Dad held Mom around the waist as we left the examination room. As Mom made her appointment next week with the receptionist, I went with Dad to go bring the car around.

We got into the Durango, but he didn't start it. He just sat there, staring at the steering wheel for what seemed an eternity. I could hear him breathing again, but this time it sounded painful, as if he wanted to cry.

I took a deep breath.

"Dad?"

He sniffed and looked at me. "Yeah, baby?"

"Mom's going to have treatment, right?"

Dad wouldn't meet my eyes and he turned away quickly. "I don't know, Audrey, I really don't know."

I knew he didn't know. In the end, it would only be Mom's decision, and that fact scared me to death.

That night, Melissa and Heather stayed for dinner. Being that Heather's college was about a two-hour drive, she was staying the night and heading back the next day. Melissa lived about twenty minutes away with her husband, Dan, who had come over for dinner as well.

Dad had made steak, everyone's favorite. He always knew just how to cook it so that there was only some pink left in it, but so that it was nice and chewy. He marinated it in his special homemade A1 sauce and sprinkled some herbs on top for perfection.

I was starving, but I just couldn't find the will to eat. I felt nauseous and every time I looked at Mom, I pictured her with no hair and throwing up the steak that she had just eaten. I pushed at my dinner with my fork.

Mom was the first one to break the silence.

"So how is school going, Heather? It was such an eventful day, I didn't get a chance to ask you."

Heather looked up from her food, her face almost shocked. I looked more like Heather than I did Melissa. Heather and I both had the same pale blue eyes and wavy, dark blonde hair, while Melissa was blessed with silky auburn curls and brown eyes, more like Mom. Growing up, I had always looked up to my older sisters and I still kind of did, although Melissa had pretty much become a ghost since she got married last year. She spent every waking moment with Dan, I was surprised she even came to Mom's appointment today.

Heather was different, always had been. When I was little, she picked on me the most, but for some reason, she always let me follow her around. She'd always take me with her when she'd go to the mall, do my hair for me, pick out cute clothes and I'd always idolized her for that. She was still in college and doing very well at pursuing her dream of becoming a Psychologist.

Heather sighed. "Everything's great, Mom," she said and I could hear the irritation in her voice.

Mom didn't catch on though and looked at Dan and Melissa. "How is everything between you two? Kids any time soon?"

Melissa groaned. "We don't know, Mom. We're still trying to get things figured out with Dan's job and everything. I've told you this."

Mom looked offended. "I'm just trying to keep you motivated. Not everyone has all the time in the world left to meet their grandchildren."

Everyone looked up at her then, not believing the words that had just come out of her mouth.

My mom looked pissed as she looked around the table at all of us.

"What?" She said sternly. "It's true! I don't have all the time in the world, for all we know I could be dead in nine months, never to meet my grandchildren, see my daughter graduate college, see my youngest start college. It seems like I'm the only one that cares!"

"Kelly," Dad hissed from across the table.

"You know it's the truth, Tom, don't even try to deny it. I'm dying, that's all there is to it."

"That isn't all!" Dad and I both screamed. Dad went on though. "Dr. Wellman said that treatment is always an option. Five more years, Melissa could have two kids if she wanted, maybe even Heather."

"Chemo is just going to make me sicker!" Mom yelled.

"It will help you get better!" Dad said back, his voice lowering. He hated yelling at Mom and probably even more, now that she was sick. "You have to understand that even though it might make you sick, you will get better."

Mom was crying now. I had seen her cry a lot, but never like this. She was sobbing, taking short, uncontrolled breaths, tears pouring down her face.

"Mom, you can't give up," I told her. "I can't lose you. We can't lose you."

She shook her head and looked at me. "You don't understand, Audrey. None of you understand. I'm sick. You might as well all let me die," she said and stomped off.

Dad followed her upstairs and a few minutes later we heard them yelling at each other. I looked over at Heather and Melissa who were both wiping their eyes, Dan holding Melissa's hand.

"I don't understand why she won't just do chemo," said Heather. "It's like she wants to die."

"She doesn't want to die," I told her and looked up at where their voices were coming from. "She just wants someone to tell her that she'll make it, that it's okay."

"You're saying that she's doing this for attention?" Melissa hissed.

I scowled at her. "No, I'm saying she just wants us to be there for her, every step of the way."

"Why wouldn't we be?" Heather asked.

I shrugged. "Maybe because you're in college and barely come home to visit and Melissa is shoved so far up Dan's ass that she hardly ever comes over for dinner. Mom notices that stuff and she's been getting worked up over it for a couple of years now. You two just don't care enough to notice."

"It's harder when you live away from home, Audrey. You wouldn't understand because you're only seventeen."

"I understand what it's like to love someone. I love Mom, we all do. But we need to show her that we actually do care what happens to her," I said and then got up from the table.

I went out into the kitchen and scraped all the food on my plate into my dog's food dish.

"Lex!" I yelled and the yellow Labrador came running into the kitchen, happily shoving his face into his bowl. I laughed and scratched his back before heading upstairs to my bedroom.

My parents were still fighting. It felt odd, they never fought. I could only ever recall five major fights that my parents had ever had and it had been awhile since the last one.

It was all cancer's fault. My parents were fighting because of the damned disease. My mother was dying from it.

Why did there have to be such a disease as cancer? Why did it have to be fatal almost eighty-five percent of the time? Why did chemo make the patients so weak? Why do they go bald? What did my mother do to deserve it?

Those were questions I asked myself every day.

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Chapter Two

It was a couple of weeks later, Mom had agreed easily on getting the treatments after we all talked to her and told her how we felt. Her first chemo session was in three days and she was getting ready for it.

Dr. Wellman had given her suggestions as to how she should eat during the radiation sessions. She should definitely start eating healthy, she wanted her bones and body to be as strong as possible, as every session of chemotherapy would make her sick for a couple of days.

He also suggested joining a support group of people who also have cancer. Being as open-minded as she was, Mom went right online and found one just a couple of towns away that she signed up for. It was every Tuesday at six o'clock.

I thought that she was starting to come to terms with it, although I didn't know how she was going to be after chemo. She would probably try to change her mind at first.

I didn't know if anyone at school really knew that Mom had cancer, no one acted like they did. Of course, I'd told my best friend, Lauren. She cried and hugged me for a while, but we never really talked much about it after that. It wasn't really a topic that I would've wanted to discuss anyway.

Lauren was the exact opposite of me. She had dyed her brown hair to bleach blonde about two years ago and you could see some of her dark roots at the top of her head. She wore turquoise colored contacts and that made her look like the picture-perfect, blonde hair, blue-eyed queen of high school. And she was. If I were known as anything, it would have been as being "Lauren Appley's best friend". She was Captain of the Cheerleading squad, Student Council president, and president of our class. She participated in a lot of extra curricular activities like the debate club, drama club, environmental club. I didn't know how she didn't go insane. It seemed like they had five-million things to do every day.

Some days I couldn't ever figure out how Lauren and I had become and stayed friends, but it had happened. Turns out, as much as people liked to think of Lauren as self-centered, which she was, she also always listened to me and gave me advice when I needed it. She was always there whenever I needed to talk to someone and she actually was a great listener. She knew everything about me and she was the only person in the world that could say that. I knew that she did care about me, more than herself sometimes and I guessed that was why we were such good friends. I couldn't imagine my life without the prissy cheerleader in it.

Lauren and I walked to our last class of the day - Art History. It was one of the most boring classes I'd ever had, thanks to the teacher. I took my seat next to Lauren and waited for class to begin.

Mrs. Lafferty walked in, as cheerful as ever and smiled at us all.

"Hello everyone! It's nice to see all of your bright, shining faces."

None of us replied, but she went on. "To start off today, I'm giving you all an assignment. It will make up for eighty percent of your grade in this class. Now, you'll be partnered with another student that I've chosen for you and over the next couple of months, you and your partner will be keeping track of the different ways that plants grow and at the end of the term, you will draw a picture of your favorite plant in different stages of its growth."

I looked at Lauren and rolled my eyes. She just smiled at me and kept listening to Mrs. Lafferty.

"Okay, here are everyone's partners. "Rachel Nevins and Corey Baxter. Miranda Butler and Jesse Cramer. Lauren Appley and Amy Shaw. Timmy Stevens and Kyle Dibble. Audrey Campbell and Josh Lawrence-"

She continued naming off partners and I sighed and looked across the room at Josh. I knew I was going to get partnered with someone like him. He was slouched in his seat, staring down at the table. He'd been in my class for a few years, but I'd never actually talked to him, he was very anti-social and usually just kept to himself. Most days he was late to class and always reeked of cigarettes. No one really bothered with him much, but then again, no one really bothered with me much either.

But now that I looked at him, I mean, really looked at him, he wasn't all that bad-looking. He was actually kind of cute. He was tall - I knew that from a past, I experienced of having to stand next to him in a different class for an experiment. He had short, dark brown hair that was tousled slightly. He wore dark denim jeans and a black t-shirt and a pair of black and white Nike sneakers. Around his neck was a gold chain. He still hadn't looked up, almost as if he didn't hear a word Mrs. Lafferty had said.

"Okay, everybody move to sit next to your partners, then I will call out groups that are to go to the Library and research which type of plant they would like to do."

I looked at Lauren and she smiled apologetically. She had gotten a good partner. Amy Shaw was the best artist in the class and she was really nice.

"Sorry," Lauren mouthed.

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Shut up," I said and then got up. I walked hesitantly over to where Josh sat by himself. He still hadn't looked up from the table and I took my seat across from him.

"Hi," I muttered.

He glanced up at me, his eyes meeting mine and I was blown away when I saw how green they were. A perfect emerald color with a hint of yellow flecks in them. I was shocked and I had to take a deep breath before regaining control of myself.

For a minute, we just looked at each other, and it was awkward, but I couldn't bring myself to look away. His eyes intrigued me, along with his shapely face, high cheekbones and defined jaw.

I swallowed, searching for something - anything - to say that would break the tension between us. The obvious friction was too much for me.

"Josh and Audrey," Mrs. Lafferty saved me. I jerked my head away and looked up at her, Josh did the same. "You two can go to the Library with Allison and Tyler today. Agree on a species and get information on it."

I nodded and looked at Josh who smirked at me.

"I hate this class."

I couldn't help but giggle and we both got up and headed down to the Library.

We walked on opposite sides of the hallway until we got to the Library, where we both sat at one of the computers. I had my sketch pad and a pencil in my lap and I turned on the computer.

"What exactly do we have to do for this stupid project?"

I smiled, looking down at my pad. "We have to research plants, pick a species we like, get information on the stages it undergoes maturity, and draw the stages."

Josh sighed. "Why can't we just finger-paint or something?"

"Because we're not in second grade anymore," I told him, bringing up the Internet on the computer. "What kind of plant do you want to do?"

He shrugged. "I really could care less."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay then," I said and typed 'Types of plants' into the Google search bar. I clicked on a link that brought up a list of different plants.

Josh slouched down in his seat again, carefully taking his cell phone out of his pocket and began playing on it as I searched for a plant.

"I hope you know that I'm not going to be doing this whole project myself," I said, looking over my shoulder at him.

He raised his eyebrow and grinned and I was amazed yet again to see that he had perfect, straight and dazzling white teeth.

"Of course I know that," he said.

I sighed in annoyance.

Josh sat up then, leaning in closer to me.

"Do you always do what you're told to do?"

I didn't look at him and instead just stared at the computer screen. "Usually."

He chuckled. "What's the fun in that?"

"Getting good grades and getting into a decent college."

"Ah," he said and I could hear the heavy sarcasm in his voice. "Don't you know that rules are meant to be broken?"

"I've heard that," I said, still not looking at him.

"Why don't you break the rules?"

"Didn't you hear what I just said?" I asked, typing furiously on the computer. "I want to go to a good college."

"College is a waste of time."

"Maybe for you."

"Are you saying that you're academically better than I am?"

That made me have to look at him. He was still grinning from ear to ear.

"No, I'm saying that you just don't care what you do with your life. I for one, plan on getting a good job some day."

"You don't have to go to college to get a good job."

"These days, yeah, you do," I said, getting annoyed. I turned back to the computer.

"Have you ever taken a break from always doing what you're told and just having some fun? And I'm not talking about some half-ass, lame social get-together thing. That's not fun. I mean like actual, heart-rocking, mind-blowing fun, that you'll never forget."

"Why do you care so much?"

"Because you're a robot, Audrey. You do everything you're told, you never break the rules. You never have fun."

"I'm not a robot," I told him, almost offended. "And I have fun. Just not the kind of fun that burnouts like you have."

He laughed then. "And what kind of fun do you think burn-outs like me have?"

I shook my head. "Just shut up, I'm done talking about this."

"No, now I'm interested. Please, tell me Audrey. Tell me what you think you know."

I didn't answer, but I'd stopped typing on the computer. I didn't know what to do, what to say. The truth was, I really had no idea what I was talking about. I didn't know anything about this kid, I don't know why I was jumping to conclusions about his life.

But he was being an arrogant jerk about it. He didn't have to be in my face, scolding me and lecturing me. So what if I always followed the rules? It's not like I'd ever hurt him before.

I shook my head again.

He just laughed once. "That's what I thought. You preppy's are all the same, thinking you know everything."

I swallowed and instantly felt bad. For some reason, I didn't want Josh to be mad at me. Something inside of me wanted to be his friend, was pushing at me and telling me to listen to him, to step outside my shell. I tried to push it back.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

He didn't say anything, but I could feel his eyes on me as I stared at the computer. I glanced down at the time in the right hand corner. Class was nearly over and we'd gotten nothing accomplished.

Not wanting to feel his scrutiny anymore, I gathered up my things and pushed up out of the chair. Without a glance or word in his direction, I left Josh sitting at the computer alone.

I walked back to my locker just as the bell rang. I opened my locker and put all of my homework into my backpack. As I closed my locker, Lauren greeted me with a smile.

"How was Josh?"

I glared at her. "You make it sound like we just had sex or something."

Lauren laughed. "You know what I meant."

I did and I groaned. "I don't know how I'm going to be able to work with him."

"Why? He's actually kind of cute."

I rolled my eyes. That's all that Lauren cared about with boys.

"Yeah, well he's rude."

"Aren't all guys?"

I looked up and saw Josh walking by. Our eyes met for a split second and his lips turned up at the corners. I scowled and looked away, back at Lauren.

"I have to go. I'm going with Mom to her pre-chemo appointment."

Lauren smiled. "Give her a hug for me. Good luck," she said.

"Thanks," I said, and then headed for the door. I didn't have a car or my license and Lauren had Cheerleading practice after school, so I had to walk home. I refused to take the bus, and I only lived about a mile away and I liked the exercise.

I didn't get very far away from the school when I heard a truck pull up beside me. I looked over to see Josh in the driver's seat of a red two-door Chevy pickup.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "What do you want?"

"Get in," he told me.

I raised an eyebrow at him but didn't stop walking. He kept a steady pace with me.

"Why would I ever do that?"

He chuckled. "Break the rules for once in your life."

"There's no rule that says I can't get a ride home with you, I just simply am choosing not to."

"How do you know I was going to take you home?"

I glared at him.

He laughed. "Oh, come on. You know I wasn't serious."

I stopped then and sighed, looking at him. If I got a ride home with him, I would get to my Mom faster and we could leave earlier than we planned to get to her appointment. Giving in, I opened the door and climbed in.

He smiled. "See, that wasn't so bad was it?"

I rolled my eyes. "Just drive," I told him. His grin only widened and he obeyed.

We sat in silence for a little while and every now and then I would see him look over at me, the same smile on his face. He reached out and turned up the music. It was something I'd never heard before. An acoustic with just one guy singing and it was beautiful.

My eyes narrowed. "What is this?"

He glanced at me. "It's called Remember the Sun, by Elliot Mootz."

"It's really nice. I like it," I said, and I reached out to turn the volume up at the same time he did, our hands meeting in the middle. I pulled back instinctively, as did he, but he had an enormous grin on his face.

"How cliche," he said.

I couldn't help but laugh at his joke and I looked at him, smiling. Maybe he wasn't such a jerk after all.

He pulled into my driveway and I gathered up my things.

"Thanks for the ride," I told him, not knowing what else to say.

"Sure," he said.

I opened the door and slid out. "See you tomorrow," I told him and shut the door. I walked quickly up to the front door, feeling his eyes on me until I was safe in the confines of my house.

"Audrey, is that you?" I heard Mom yell from the kitchen.

"Yeah," I said, slipping my bag off my shoulder and onto the couch. I walked out to the kitchen to find her eating an apple and looking through her checkbook.

"What are you doing?"

"Just trying to balance this stupid thing," she told me, biting the end of her pen. "For some reason, I always end up with different numbers."

I sighed. "It's because you're so stressed. Here, just leave it for now, I'll figure it out when we get back. We're going to be late for your appointment," I said, ushering her towards the door.

I grabbed her jacket off the hook and helped her put it on over her shoulders.

She laughed. "You're treating me as if I'm an old woman, Audrey. I think I can put my own jacket on myself."

I smiled. "Sorry, just a habit I guess."

Mom's appointment was really just informational. Dr. Wellman went through the whole procedure with her, comforting her and letting her know that it is painless, but she will just be pretty miserable for a few days afterwards.

I sat in silence as I listened to him talk. I hated how he made everything sound like Mom was going to die sooner than anyone thought. The thought of my mother dying made me cringe and I had to try to block out Dr. Wellman's voice.

After we left, we headed home. Dad had brought home Chinese. It was usually Mom's favorite meal, but tonight I noticed that all she had, was a few pieces of chicken and broccoli and that was it.

"Are you feeling alright, Mom?" I asked.

She smiled at me and nodded. "I'm not really hungry. I think I'm just going to go to bed," she told us. She got up, kissed me on the forehead and kissed Dad, then headed upstairs.

"What else did the doctor say today at the appointment?" Dad asked once she was out of earshot.

"He didn't say anything really, just explained how everything will go. There wasn't much else," I told him.

He nodded. "Something's up with her," he said, blankly. "She's been acting weird ever since she started going to those meetings every Tuesday. I think I'm going to go with her next time."

I shook my head. "Dad, you can't go with her. That will make her not want to go. I think she likes them, and I think they're going to help her get through it all."

Dad groaned. "But she's been weird."

I laughed. "It's alright. As long as she's still on the right track with the chemo, nothing else matters," I told him, smiling.

He smiled back at me, his eyes becoming softer. "You're right."

"I know," I said proudly.

After dinner, I helped Dad clean up and put the dishes away, then I went upstairs and showered. I left my hair down to let it air-dry and put on a pair of black yoga pants and a t-shirt.

I sat on my bed with Lex, trying to do some of my homework. I started on my Trigonometry, knowing that it would be the hardest. I didn't have much, just a couple of questions. I hated math more than any subject and it hated me in return.

After I got the first couple of questions done, I pushed my books aside. It had become so hard to concentrate on homework since Mom was diagnosed. All the words on the pages seemed to lead back to death, cancer, parents, surgeries - anything that could have possibly had to do with Mom, it was there, and it tormented me like a bully.

I lie down on my bed, cuddling up underneath my blankets. Lex laid down beside me, resting his head on my other pillow. I tried not to think about Mom, tried not to think about five years from now, when she might not be around anymore. It was working, I wasn't thinking of her.

Instead, a different image came to my mind. One that I never would have suspected.

Josh.

I don't know why I was all of a sudden thinking about him, but there he was, as if he was standing right in front of me. He was wearing the same thing he had been today and he was smiling at me, like he had today in the truck. And for some reason, I think I found myself smiling back at him. I didn't know why, he was a jerk. An arrogant jerk.

Though I couldn't get him out of my mind. I kept thinking about him, about his shining emerald eyes with flecks of gold in them. His perfectly imperfect, wind-blown dark hair, his smooth, tan skin. His sweet cologne that made him smell so delicious. I couldn't stop. Everything about the kid intrigued me and I couldn't figure out why. It wasn't like he was my type. Did I even have a type? I'd never even had a boyfriend before. I'd never even kissed a boy before.

And yet thinking about Josh made me feel all tingly inside, a weird new feeling that was sensational and at the same time, it scared me to death.

The next couple of days were a nightmare. I skipped school on Wednesday to go to Mom's appointment with her and my Dad. I wasn't scared because I knew it wouldn't hurt her in any way. I had done plenty of research on cancer and I knew that chemo was harmless.

After her appointment, she seemed fine, almost giddy, as if she suddenly felt free of the cancer. We walked out to the car smiling and laughing. We met up with Melissa and Dan at Applebees and had a nice family dinner. Mom still seemed completely fine. She ate everything on her plate and even had some dessert, but didn't finish it because she felt full. The ride home went just as smoothly as the ride to the clinic had and I fell asleep to the sound of my parents' voices.

During the middle of the night, I was awakened by the sound of splashing water. I listened more closely and heard someone gag. I threw the blankets off of me and ran quickly to my parents' bedroom. Neither of them were in their bed and I saw that the bathroom light was on.

I heard more gagging sounds - the sounds of someone throwing up - and knew it was my mother. I walked over to the doorway and my thoughts were confirmed. Mom was on her knees with her head in the toilet, her body convulsing as she threw up everything she had eaten that day. Dad knelt over her, holding her blonde hair out of her face.

I couldn't say anything, I just stood there and stared as reality really started kicking in. My mother really did have cancer.

Dad looked over his shoulder at me suddenly and I could see how swollen his eyes were. He was crying. And seeing my father cry, made me want to cry, too.

I walked over to the toilet and knelt down next to my Dad. Mom had stopped throwing up for a moment and was working on catching her breath. She looked up at me, and closed her eyes.

"You shouldn't be in here, Audrey. I don't want you to see me like this," she cried, burying her face in her arm.

I swallowed and made sure not to look in the toilet - the stench was bad enough. I reached out and rested my hand on her arm.

"It's okay, Mom," I told her, not knowing what else to say.

She sniffed and turned back to look at me. Her eyes were almost as red as Dad's were, but I smiled comfortingly at her, trying to make her feel at least somewhat better.

"You're the perfect daughter, you know that?" She said, smiling.

I laughed. "I think the chemo's making you delirious," I told her and stroked her hair.

She shook her head. "I love you so much."

I strained to hold back the tears. "I love you too, Mom"

And then she threw up again. It lasted all through the night. Eventually, Dad sent me to bed, knowing I had school in the morning and that I had to go since I'd missed the day before.

Mom was sick for the rest of the week.

I don't think I'd ever seen someone throw up as much as my mother did from Wednesday night until Sunday. It was insane.

She looked so terrible, every time I looked at her I thought she had gotten paler. She'd definitely gotten skinnier.

We made sure she was never alone. Dad stayed home from work on Thursday and then my Grandmother came over on Friday to stay with her until I got home. I just laid in bed with her, waiting for her to roll over and throw up into the bucket Dad had brought up for her from the garage. I cuddled up next to her and watched her favorite Soap Operas, even though I hated them and waited for Dad to get home and take my shift.

The weekend was the worst. For some reason, she was even sicker, throwing up, diarrhea, fever. She always had to be wrapped in a fleece blanket, socks on her toes. She was always complaining she was cold. Anything she ate she threw back up.

It was a nightmare. I felt like I was in a prison, all I wanted to do was get away from it. I was constantly hearing and seeing my mother in pain and I had seen my father cry more times in that weekend than I had my whole life. We felt completely helpless, and we were. There wasn't anything we could do to make it better, we just had to keep cleaning her, attempting to feed her, and make sure she got to the bathroom in time.

When I got home from school Monday, I was surprised to find my mother downstairs on the couch, watching her Soap Opera. She was wrapped in a blanket, but she looked a bit better, not as pale. On the coffee table in front of her was an empty plate with some crumbs on it and I was suddenly hoping that she had actually eaten something.

She didn't look up when she heard the door close.

"Hi sweetheart," she said.

"Hi," I said questioningly. I dropped my backpack on the floor and walked around the couch, bending down to kiss her on the cheek. "What are you doing down here?"

She smiled. "I've been feeling better since this morning, so I decided to come downstairs. Grandma helped me, but just a little."

"It's true," I heard from the kitchen and I looked up to see my Gram chopping up some veggies. "Doesn't she look better today, Audrey?"

I nodded and looked back at my mom. "You look a lot better today, actually. Did you eat anything?" I asked, nodding at the crumb-filled plate.

She smiled proudly. "I had two pieces of toast."

"That's great," I told her. "Dad will be happy to know that when he gets home."

She nodded and I stood up, walking out to the kitchen.

"Do you need help with anything, Grandma?" I asked.

She sighed. "No, your father's going to make some burgers when he gets home. I'm just preparing what your mother would usually do and I'm almost done, but thank you."

I smiled gratefully and quickly went upstairs to lock myself in my bedroom until dinnertime. It was too much for me to be down there, I had to stay away. I needed a break.

That night, as I had for the past five nights, I dreamed about Josh.

We had been working together on our project and had actually gotten pretty far on our research. He hadn't been a complete jerk to me, but mostly because he probably saw how upset I was every day. He never asked what was wrong and I wondered if it was because he was afraid to ask, or if he just didn't care. Sometimes I thought that he needed a serious attitude adjustment.

But for some reason, he was all I thought about for the past couple of days - besides my Mom being extremely sick. I found myself daydreaming about him, zoning out during class, involuntarily staring at him during Art and quickly looking away when he noticed. It was embarrassing, but for some reason I couldn't stop. I didn't know why, but I liked Josh. A lot.

I hadn't liked a boy since fifth grade. I had no idea how to flirt with someone, let alone talk to a guy about something that's not school related. I was afraid of what might happen if I tried. I knew I needed to try, and talk to him, to figure out what the hell these feelings were and why I was having them. There was something about Josh that I just couldn't let go of and I needed to know why.