Are You Listening Or Are You Hearing?

My daughter loves to say "mom you’re not listening to me". She often believes that because I’ve said no that certainly means I have not heard what she told me.

I will then repeat her argument back to her and still say no. I’ve heard this called reflecting back and I’ve heard this called mirroring back.

It is so important to not just hear but to really listen to what the person we are speaking to is saying.

It is so easy to misunderstand other people. What if it’s raining today and I say "the sky is blue". Unless you ask me what I’m referring to there is no way to know what thoughts are going through my head. Perhaps I’m speaking in general about a sunny day and making the comment the sky is blue. Maybe I’m thinking of a recent trip to Hawaii and I’m saying the sky is blue. Without asking me to provide more information there is just no way to know what I’m saying.

If a customer tells us they are not happy with a product received, we need to ask questions to find out what happened. Did they believe from a photo they had seen of the product that they would be receiving something else? Did they believe the product was going to be either larger or smaller? Was the product possibly damaged when it arrived? We need to gather more information before we can help our customer.

When our children tell us something is wrong at school, we really need to listen to what they are saying. It’s possible that what they are telling us is not cause for alarm on our parts, but by asking more questions, we may also discover that we as parents need to intervene. By asking questions, we are also better able to offer support or encouragement to our children.

Next time someone speaks to you, ask a question, or reflect back to them what you’ve heard. I’ll bet those actions make for a much more meaningful conversation.

About the author:
Audrey Okaneko is mom to two girls. She can be reached at audreyoka@cox.net or visited at http://www.scrapping-made-simple.com