Lily - Chapter 17
Lily has been gone now for 8 years.
The Awakening Hour
Lily has been gone for 8 years now. So much time has gone by and it feels like it has gone by so fast. I’m sitting on the side of my bed facing my sister’s bed. In my hands I am holding onto one of her stuffed animals, the one that she used to love cuddling with at night. This stuff animal is a dog, it has white fur with brown and black spots. The fur is very soft and I could see why she would want to hold this one at night. It gives kind of comfort feeling while you cuddle it. I let out a sigh as I look down at the dog. This is one day I have been regretting for a very long time. When she first disappeared, I always thought she would find her way home or at least we would find her. I thought she must be in this mall somewhere and when no one found her I thought she was just hiding really well like she would at home.
When hours turned to days and days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months I started to realize that she wasn’t just hiding, that she was actually gone and the grownups were right and I was wrong. I hated that feeling. I would be at that mall and looking in different corners and stores while being with my mom. Now and then I would think I saw a glimpse of her and I would run and she wouldn’t be there. My mom would run to people wearing the same coat or the same clothes as she had. She would run if they had the same haircut or looked the same in any way. Back then I never dreamed of burying my sister. 2 years became 3 and 3 years became 4 and still the thought of giving up on her never crossed my mind. On the 6th year anniversary of Lily’s disappearance I overheard my dad talking to the news reporters and the investigators.
They were talking about what they were going to do if they were planning on burying her memories or if they planned on waiting for a body to turn up. It really hurt knowing that the investigators gave up on my sister being alive and they are now just searching for a body to bury. My Dad told them that they haven’t been thinking about what they are going to do and they don’t plan on thinking about it any time soon. That made me feel better… made me think there was still a slight chance that may be somewhere out there Lily was still alive. Knowing that I wasn’t the only one that still didn’t believe that she was dead made me feel a little bit better. But now…. After 8 long years of searching, worrying, hoping and praying with no sign at all my parents have finally stopped their long search.
They have given in to the fact that Lily wasn’t coming back home to us…. They have given up on my sister. Today we are going to look at different funeral homes and flower arrangement shops. They want to make it perfect just like she was. My parents want everyone to never forget Lily and they want this to be a place where everyone can come and mourn. Family, friends, searchers anyone that helped, strangers and anyone that would like to come. They want to have an open little casket because she was only 5 when she disappeared. They want to have the casket so people can leave memories of Lily to bury. Danny you have a visitor. You have to make it quick we will be leaving soon.
Hmm I wonder who it is. I wasn’t expecting anyone to come today. I run down the stairs and there in the doorway is a person’s figure. I go outside and there sitting by the door is Fraser. Um hi what are you doing here? I’m leaving soon and I thought you hated me anyway? So what’s the deal? There was silence for a while and I just stared down at him. He looked pretty upset. Are you okay man? What’s wrong? Is it true? I was confused for a minute… is what true? Is it true that they are planning on burying Lily or her memories? Uh um yes… My parents have decided to make it on open event where people can come and leave something that reminds them of her or something she would love.
They are also doing it outside for people who want to drop their item in the hole or casket I say with my head down. There is more silence until my sigh breaks it and I look up at the sky, I just can’t believe it’s been 8 years already and that they are giving up on her. That’s how it feels anyway… I never dreamed this day would ever come. I thought and hoped she would be home already. Fraser rubs his eyes and sniffles. He takes a deep breath in, she’s really gone isn’t she? I don’t believe so but everyone else does.
I don’t hate you by the way… I am just angry and upset. I still haven’t gotten over the fact that I can no longer come over here and hang out with my two best friends. That now and forever it will just be the one and I’m always going to feel UN whole and without the other. I’m angry because I can’t look at you without thinking of her…. You guys came as a package and now part of that package is gone and I don’t know how to deal with that. Does that make sense at all? Yes it does…. How do you think I feel everyday when I wake up and she’s not there? Or every night when she’s not in bed? Most nights I have to remind myself that she won’t be coming to bed or else I will stay up all night waiting for her to return. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and look over and she isn’t there. I then think she’s gone to the bathroom and I wait and wait and she doesn’t return.
Then I sometimes find myself looking for her with no sign of her in the house then I realize she is gone and isn’t coming back. It kills me and this happens almost all the time. Anyway I have to go now. They are picking the funereal home today. Oh right well um good luck with that. I hope you guys find one that is perfect for her. Bye Danny he says as he starts to walk down the stairs and waves his hand. Bye Fraser I say as I start to open the door to go back inside. How’s Fraser doing? My Dad asks, I haven’t seen him in quite a long time. He’s upset about this funeral thing just like me. Now Danny you know your mother and I wouldn’t do this if we didn’t think it was the best thing to do right? We want your sister back as much as you do if not more. But we think if she really is up there then she deserves a proper funeral. Yeah I guess just can’t believe you guys are giving up on her. Danny… it’s been 8 years with no signs or anything. We aren’t giving up, we will still hope and pray that she will come back but we need to do this for her.
When we come back from looking at funeral homes all I want to do is go for a walk. I’ve had enough of sitting and listening to people talk about how they can make this big white room look so amazing. You know what would make it amazing? Having Lily walk in the door and give everyone a hug… yeah now that would be amazing. But that would never happen. I take my phone and let my parents know that I’m going for a walk around the block. I call Trevor while I’m walking down my driveway. Hello? Hey is Trevor there to speak to? It’s Danny. Yeah just one second I’ll go and get him for you. Hey Danny how are you? Trevor says. Meh, I’m okay I guess…Went to a bunch of funeral homes for my sister today. I just got back not long ago.
Oh I’m sorry to hear that man that’s rough… Yeah I know, they are all just big rooms that will be full of crying people. Yeah that’s what usually happens at a funeral. Yeah what are you up to? Want to meet up somewhere and do something? Yeah sure give me a minute and I can meet you. I could just walk to your place I want to walk anyway. Okay that works then just come here. Okay see you in a bit. While walking now that I have a destination I can let my mind free to think. I let all my feelings out in the open. It feels good when I do this, I’m not happy with my parents decision to arrange a funeral for Lily without a body, that’s like saying okay you're dead now, go away.
They are burying their loved one with no body, no evidence that she is really gone. She could be right by the mall or right by our place, without them even knowing it. Ha it could happen right? I stop at a park on my way, one that Lily used to love to play at. I just stand there staring at it. This park gives me a weird feeling… a feeling where I can’t move. I have so many memories here with her. This park makes me feel like she is still here. I can get lost in one of my memories with her and I remember as if it was yesterday. Her favorite was the swing, pole and monkey bars. She loved to pretend to be a fireman going down the pole and pretending to be a monkey. She would make monkey noises while going across.
On the swing she loved getting piggy backs from mom and dad and so did I. We would feel like we were birds or a plane going so high up in the sky. I decide to go and sit on one of the swings and start to push myself, so I would go higher like I used to when I was younger. After I start walking again I think to myself this is it… it’s over… all my dreams are crushed. I will never see my sister again.
Lily has been gone for 8 years now. So much time has gone by and it feels like it has gone by so fast. I’m sitting on the side of my bed facing my sister’s bed. In my hands I am holding onto one of her stuffed animals, the one that she used to love cuddling with at night. This stuff animal is a dog, it has white fur with brown and black spots. The fur is very soft and I could see why she would want to hold this one at night. It gives kind of comfort feeling while you cuddle it. I let out a sigh as I look down at the dog. This is one day I have been regretting for a very long time. When she first disappeared, I always thought she would find her way home or at least we would find her. I thought she must be in this mall somewhere and when no one found her I thought she was just hiding really well like she would at home.
When hours turned to days and days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months I started to realize that she wasn’t just hiding, that she was actually gone and the grownups were right and I was wrong. I hated that feeling. I would be at that mall and looking in different corners and stores while being with my mom. Now and then I would think I saw a glimpse of her and I would run and she wouldn’t be there. My mom would run to people wearing the same coat or the same clothes as she had. She would run if they had the same haircut or looked the same in any way. Back then I never dreamed of burying my sister. 2 years became 3 and 3 years became 4 and still the thought of giving up on her never crossed my mind. On the 6th year anniversary of Lily’s disappearance I overheard my dad talking to the news reporters and the investigators.
They were talking about what they were going to do if they were planning on burying her memories or if they planned on waiting for a body to turn up. It really hurt knowing that the investigators gave up on my sister being alive and they are now just searching for a body to bury. My Dad told them that they haven’t been thinking about what they are going to do and they don’t plan on thinking about it any time soon. That made me feel better… made me think there was still a slight chance that may be somewhere out there Lily was still alive. Knowing that I wasn’t the only one that still didn’t believe that she was dead made me feel a little bit better. But now…. After 8 long years of searching, worrying, hoping and praying with no sign at all my parents have finally stopped their long search.
They have given in to the fact that Lily wasn’t coming back home to us…. They have given up on my sister. Today we are going to look at different funeral homes and flower arrangement shops. They want to make it perfect just like she was. My parents want everyone to never forget Lily and they want this to be a place where everyone can come and mourn. Family, friends, searchers anyone that helped, strangers and anyone that would like to come. They want to have an open little casket because she was only 5 when she disappeared. They want to have the casket so people can leave memories of Lily to bury. Danny you have a visitor. You have to make it quick we will be leaving soon.
Hmm I wonder who it is. I wasn’t expecting anyone to come today. I run down the stairs and there in the doorway is a person’s figure. I go outside and there sitting by the door is Fraser. Um hi what are you doing here? I’m leaving soon and I thought you hated me anyway? So what’s the deal? There was silence for a while and I just stared down at him. He looked pretty upset. Are you okay man? What’s wrong? Is it true? I was confused for a minute… is what true? Is it true that they are planning on burying Lily or her memories? Uh um yes… My parents have decided to make it on open event where people can come and leave something that reminds them of her or something she would love.
They are also doing it outside for people who want to drop their item in the hole or casket I say with my head down. There is more silence until my sigh breaks it and I look up at the sky, I just can’t believe it’s been 8 years already and that they are giving up on her. That’s how it feels anyway… I never dreamed this day would ever come. I thought and hoped she would be home already. Fraser rubs his eyes and sniffles. He takes a deep breath in, she’s really gone isn’t she? I don’t believe so but everyone else does.
I don’t hate you by the way… I am just angry and upset. I still haven’t gotten over the fact that I can no longer come over here and hang out with my two best friends. That now and forever it will just be the one and I’m always going to feel UN whole and without the other. I’m angry because I can’t look at you without thinking of her…. You guys came as a package and now part of that package is gone and I don’t know how to deal with that. Does that make sense at all? Yes it does…. How do you think I feel everyday when I wake up and she’s not there? Or every night when she’s not in bed? Most nights I have to remind myself that she won’t be coming to bed or else I will stay up all night waiting for her to return. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and look over and she isn’t there. I then think she’s gone to the bathroom and I wait and wait and she doesn’t return.
Then I sometimes find myself looking for her with no sign of her in the house then I realize she is gone and isn’t coming back. It kills me and this happens almost all the time. Anyway I have to go now. They are picking the funereal home today. Oh right well um good luck with that. I hope you guys find one that is perfect for her. Bye Danny he says as he starts to walk down the stairs and waves his hand. Bye Fraser I say as I start to open the door to go back inside. How’s Fraser doing? My Dad asks, I haven’t seen him in quite a long time. He’s upset about this funeral thing just like me. Now Danny you know your mother and I wouldn’t do this if we didn’t think it was the best thing to do right? We want your sister back as much as you do if not more. But we think if she really is up there then she deserves a proper funeral. Yeah I guess just can’t believe you guys are giving up on her. Danny… it’s been 8 years with no signs or anything. We aren’t giving up, we will still hope and pray that she will come back but we need to do this for her.
When we come back from looking at funeral homes all I want to do is go for a walk. I’ve had enough of sitting and listening to people talk about how they can make this big white room look so amazing. You know what would make it amazing? Having Lily walk in the door and give everyone a hug… yeah now that would be amazing. But that would never happen. I take my phone and let my parents know that I’m going for a walk around the block. I call Trevor while I’m walking down my driveway. Hello? Hey is Trevor there to speak to? It’s Danny. Yeah just one second I’ll go and get him for you. Hey Danny how are you? Trevor says. Meh, I’m okay I guess…Went to a bunch of funeral homes for my sister today. I just got back not long ago.
Oh I’m sorry to hear that man that’s rough… Yeah I know, they are all just big rooms that will be full of crying people. Yeah that’s what usually happens at a funeral. Yeah what are you up to? Want to meet up somewhere and do something? Yeah sure give me a minute and I can meet you. I could just walk to your place I want to walk anyway. Okay that works then just come here. Okay see you in a bit. While walking now that I have a destination I can let my mind free to think. I let all my feelings out in the open. It feels good when I do this, I’m not happy with my parents decision to arrange a funeral for Lily without a body, that’s like saying okay you're dead now, go away.
They are burying their loved one with no body, no evidence that she is really gone. She could be right by the mall or right by our place, without them even knowing it. Ha it could happen right? I stop at a park on my way, one that Lily used to love to play at. I just stand there staring at it. This park gives me a weird feeling… a feeling where I can’t move. I have so many memories here with her. This park makes me feel like she is still here. I can get lost in one of my memories with her and I remember as if it was yesterday. Her favorite was the swing, pole and monkey bars. She loved to pretend to be a fireman going down the pole and pretending to be a monkey. She would make monkey noises while going across.
On the swing she loved getting piggy backs from mom and dad and so did I. We would feel like we were birds or a plane going so high up in the sky. I decide to go and sit on one of the swings and start to push myself, so I would go higher like I used to when I was younger. After I start walking again I think to myself this is it… it’s over… all my dreams are crushed. I will never see my sister again.
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