Life Without Compromise Is Not Real Life

A feeling of being reprieved comes to me concurrently as I step into the house of my father but my callous father stared at me and yelled.

"Come here"

Mom, standing in kitchen, gawped at father tiding up her floating hair but remained unfazed. I decide not to go near him but feet turn towards him involuntarily.

Looking at me near him, father again screamed.

"Are you coming now, straight from your office?"

My legs are swollen with the walking of some kilometers. I need immediate relaxation but father wants me to stay near him for some time and respond to his every unwanted queries. Police interrogation is not worse than that.

"Why are so early, today?" He again asked me not allowing sit in the chair near him.

I hate to answer his every question. He is no doubt my legitimate father but father do behave with his son like a master to his slave is not accepted to me.

For me, reaching at home is always such a feeling to get to the proper destination where I might to be. But for father, it was utterly improper on my part getting to home early before the fall of the night. He reasoned that my both elder brothers did return to home at the fall of night then why I came back early.

"This means that you are a shirker, lout" He sometimes used misnomer for my good name.

In fact, people who had promised themselves to work hard should never come to rest before the fall of the night minimum- was his only opinion. No doubt, I loved his opinion but could not compromise with my dreams of acquiring high ranks in life.

In real, my father was not compassionate, behaved with me indifferently. Only earning growingly money did matter to him. He could have even sacrificed the self-respect of the family in accumulating more and more money.

"I know- why are you early today?" He answered his own question a moment later. I, glaring at him, sank into the chair near him, defying his unspoken command.

"Your boss phoned morning telling me you had left the office quite early marking your attendance in the register"

"Yes, papa" I used the word ‘papa’ first time. In point of fact, I did not respect him. The word mistakenly had slipped from my tongue.

"Where were you so far?

"Computer Lab"

"Why?"

"I need software. I want to get it today"

"What’s purpose of buying any software right away if you don’t intend to work for the American company?"

"I have informed that I might not work for them"

"Why so?"

"They are bloodily callous people. They don’t want any Indian engineer come forward to launch new software and set up his own establishment"

"Do you become so expert you are able to set up your own establishment right away?"

"In fact, they don’t want me work independently, papa" The word-‘papa’ again slipped.

"They treat me as if I’m their bondslave" I almost shrieked in protest.

"Rubbish? Rubbish!!" In back, my father too screamed enormously like a patient of hysteria.

"What you think of yourself, their boss, director of the company?" My father began to scoff at me.

"Think whoever I’m. Nothing else. Don’t understand why they people feign not to understand me"

"Great, really great!" My father laughed sneeringly.

"I’m really sincere. I can not put up with my insult. I want my self-esteem to be valued.

"Mr. Aadil, you are really a stupid boy. If you desire to make your career with that American Company, you have to shun your stupidity, without delay"

"Believe me. I don’t make a thing of stupidity ever, despite they people are troubling me for the reasons I don’t know. Even, with their provocation, my juniors too begin to mock at me. One man says that I am shirker; the other says I don’t complete my target intentionally. If I follow their guidelines, they tease, comment I am a guy of chamcha type" My father listened to me attentively but as I knew he was cruel, he did not show a least sympathy towards me.

"This is actually life, beta" But he first time addressed me ‘beta’. He hardly gave me such respect.

Meanwhile, my younger sister Anita gave him a glass of water. He drank all in a single gulp and readied himself again to give sermon to me.

"Look, Aadil, it’s not time to be a dharma putra. Look- all of your friends are getting million dollars company packages and you are getting only ten- twelve thousand despite you are senior to them" My father was cogently rational in his opinion this time. I too was displeased with the salary I was getting and I had appealed to my higher officers several times regarding the enhancement of salary.

Actually, my target was different, to establish my own company and through an American Company where I worked, wanted to gain experience therefore, I wanted to work independently which had been against the guidelines of company’s instruction manual so they didn’t want increasing my salary. Actually, for the last six months. They unsuccessfully had been trying to find out a guy of my calibre.

A while later, when my father became normal and paused for a moment, I respectfully addressed him- dear papa. He was happy and his tone amazingly softened.

"Beta, forget all of your friends…..see your brother Suneer only. He is just a matriculate and now going to be a cabinet minister if a reshuffle takes place. See my life; I’ve made marriages of your three sisters. Where did the money come from, you know.

A little pause to poise the breath, then he resumed.

"Now, there are a few months to my retirement and I might not bear your routine expenditure. Therefore, it’s now time for you to earn more and more…bury the pipedream of setting up your own establishment. Just remember, you are not going to be Bill Gates overnight, son"

When my father chocked, exhausted and unable to speak out, he fell silent.

"I think you better do some computer tuitions and earn money otherwise, what’s purpose of your doing MCA.

At last, my father declared his verdict and it was like a slap onto my mouth.

"It’s better you go to company director now and say sorry to him"

"Sorry? For what mistake?" I was dismayed to hear my father’s suggestion.

"You have disobeyed the command of your managing director rather it was your duty to follow their directions"

"No, papa, they misguide you and lie" I struggled to convince my father but his pigheaded attitude did not diminish a little. He announced his final decision

"If you work there continuously, you will get recognition, nothing else"

"If I quit the job right away" I dared to blurt out.

"Quit the job? What are you speaking, lout. I know you…leech have decided to stick me. You want to suck my blood"

And, it was usual routine. My father was against my dreams of establishing a software company. He wanted me working with bloody bastard Americans but I knew that it’s the only India with whose contribution now America was proud of its technological advancement in the field of computer. My mom, following the instructions from my father, too did not like to talk to me. And in the eyes of my younger sister, I had become a useless thing to be dumped into dustbin. Whenever I asked for money to start my project, my father shrieked at me as if I was a street urchin.

Next day, having arrived at the gate of my father’s house, I stopped myself forthwith. The accumulated fatigue from the long day walk melted down onto the toes of feet.

For moments, I felt the entire constitution of my feet unbalancing and heavy. Confused, held the handle of chair to poise myself then gazed at the blue unknown. The distance from main gate to my room was just twelve thirteen steps but it seemed the highest peak of Mount Everest to cross over. How could have I wandered several miles during the day, I was rather amazed at myself.

At the two three steps sideway into the entrance, there is a room occupied by my younger sister Anita. With suppressed feet and like a burglar, I thought of sneaking into my room.

Then- all of a sudden, an explosion of guffaw pierced into my heart. It was someone lady’s laugh. She might be a friend of Anita; I guessed and dropped into my study chair.

In my father’s house, ironically, the people from outside often laughed but my parents and siblings always wore gloomy sadness. If someday, I chanced upon to see my parents or siblings laughing or smiling, I guessed something good in the family.

There might be soothing news today as both my mom and sister were chirping with the visitors laughingly. As my sister’s eyes fell on me, she smiled beauteously. Then, mom raced towards me asking.

"When did you come, beta?" She came close to me and hugged. My sister’s joys knew no bound. I could not believe that she was my real younger sister therefore I watched at her face again and again to ascertain really it was Anita.

"Just coming, mom" I responded casually. Mom kissed onto my forehead twice.

"Be ready, beta, change your dress now" She commanded.

"Why so, mom" I asked while sensing the things all around. Meanwhile, Anita, several times, passed through in front of my room with a meaningful smile onto her lips. I sensed a type of mockery in her smile. Perhaps she had awarded me a crown of clown and mocking at the stupidity of a clown. For him, I was a coward also as I could not brave the abuse of an American boss.

"She is very innocent, beta, has completed M.Sc in Physics. Before your sister birth, they had been living in this city" Before coming to the point, Mom was inventing a story to persuade me.

"Rashmi is her good name" She said further.

"And, age is just twenty one. I know she is very wise and pretty beautiful girl" Mom heaved a sigh. After a little pause, she resumed

"Moreover, they have promised us that they would spend 4 lacs on marriage. Perhaps, we will get some cash also" Before I could utter some words, mom excitedly declared her verdict.

"It’s a good package, beta. I know you will marry to Rashmi. We’re going to say them yes"

"No, no…. I’ll not marry to her" I could not have stopped myself shrieking. Mom stunned for a moment. She could never expect such behaviour from me. Truly, I was against such type of business deal in spousal relationship.

Mom smiled momentarily glancing into my eyes.

"Beta, such opportunities does not come again and again. Money and beauty both are coming together now, beta. Reconsider your decision" Mom was trying her best to woo me.

For moment, I was trapped into the grid of her advice and thought of saying yes to mom. Then the struggle between my brain and soul started. The brain was in the favour of grabbing benefit of the opportunity but soul protected.

"What are you going to do, Aadil? Does you really deserve for this marriage? An unemployed youth! How might you look after her, protect her? Have you any source of solid income? Are you not cheating on her, fiend? Do shame, Aadil, do shame…"

The brain in back cried in protestation.

"Don’t be foolish, Aadil. It’s a good opportunity to earn money. She is a government school teacher, a regular source of income; moreover, they are offering some cash also. Mom says right…. It’s a good package. Aadil, say yes to them. Don’t do let the fish out of your net. Such fishes are rarely got"

The soul boomeranged with stout blow.

"Greedy, bastard, do shame. See your sister. If someone cheats on her, will you tolerate? Don’t’ play with her fortune? Don’t’ do injustice to her? Where is your honesty and sincerity? Did you quit your pledge not to cheat on anyone?

"In fact, you are a liar, malignant and wicked. Dare to brave the troubles in your life. Those who struggle to brave the troubles are really young men. Are you really a youngman? I wonder you are not a youngman. You are a bloodsucking leech, instead"

My brain defeated from the invincible soul. Then I stood from my wooden chair and moved out. Forehead was flooded with perspiration. Mom heaved deeply with inner pain. She had sensed that I was resolute in my decision. She came out of the room behind me.

"Wicked fellow, I thought you a wise but you have broken my heart, son" I saw her voice was utterly chocked and flood of tears trickling down cheeks.

Now, it was the turn of my elder brother. Mom sent him to woo me.

"You think about Anita….she is in twenty one now… and in BCA, it is her last year. We are looking for a groom for her also. If you elder don’t get married, how might she be free to get married? You know you are now twenty eight years of age. How much difficult to find a good girl theseday, you perhaps don’t know, Aadil"

He delivered his lecture as he was guided and went off. I spoke nothing in response to him. But could not control the flow of tears from my eyes. I was deeply pained as I had bothered mom.

After fifteen minutes or more, I noticed the two ladies emerging out of inner room accompanying with Anita and mom. The way they walked, showed that they were not satisfied to the answer mom had given them regarding matrimony. One of women was Rashmi’s mother I could simply guess because the photograph mom had showed me resembled the features to that lady.

Saying to goodbye those women at our main gate, mom and Anita turned back and went straight to inner room staring at me. They did not intend to talk to me further regarding matrimonial.

Now I was alone in my study room. Actually, for days, I began to love aloneness. In company where I worked I was alone there also because of my dreams of setting up new company like that American one. My colleagues discouraged me but I did damn their care. My father has no time particularly for me. He hardly talked to me regarding my project as they were afraid I might ask him for money for setting up a software company which they did not intend to give to me.

Just after breakfast, he set out for playing chess in a nearby garden with his retiree colleagues or acquaintances. I have fixed myself in my study. Neither any of my family’s members did want to talk to me nor my heart wept for them because of their apathetic attitude towards me. The chair in my room which my father got in dowry thirty years back at the time of his marriage was stacked with books, CDs, floppies and different kinds of magazines.

The day all I remained caged into my room either reading books or operating computer. Even my siblings began to make fun of me with the word ‘philosopher’ they have invented for me.

At home, why didn’t anyone laugh with me, I sometimes pondered. I might be really mad if I did not resort to laughing. I decided to laugh with chair, with books, with walls, with an old ceiling fan hanging above the roof but they non-cooperatively did not laugh in return. It seemed as if they too were in connivance with my parents and siblings.

Then, all of a sudden, my eyes struck with the wall clock. It was eight of clock. The darkness in the terrace showed that the night had fallen. I rose from chair and went into kitchen where both Anita and mom were whispering. Simultaneously, Anita was sending messages to friends through her mobile phone. Mom recently had finished her meals. I looked at my father who too had taken his food now scanning newspaper carefreely. My both elder brothers had returned from office and they too were in their rooms having food plates.

Mom might have forgotten to serve me I thought and humbly asked her to serve meals. Mom didn’t’ respond me instantly. She instead gave a piece of roti to Anita and asked her to throw down before cows in the street. Anita obeyed and walked off into the street picking up a roti. While going, her stares at me were more stabbing than morning.

"Might you prepare meal for me, now?"

"Which meal?" She asked offhandedly as if admonishing servant. I pleaded her that I had not taken meal so far.

"You did not send me for meal. Why?" I asked.

No response.

"I had been in my room for hours" I emphasized.

"I know you were in your room. Why didn’t you come out when your papa and Anita were eating?"

"Sorry mom, actually I was upset that time"

"You were foolish also" Mom chided me but I requested him.

"Please- now prepare dinner for me. I am ravenously hungry, mom"

"Go to the eatery now. I have finished cooking" She frankly denied.

"If I don’t walk out at eatery now" I protested.

"Then forget, I wouldn’t prepare meal for you specially"

"Mom, you behave with me callously. You deliberately send Anita throwing down roti before cows. Even you spare rotis for cows but not for me. Am I worse than a cow- an animal? An animal can get food but a member of the family can not. It is a cruel injustice to me, mom" I cried excruciatingly.

"The children those are unable to earn even for himself and disobey their parents are worse than animals, no doubt" And, with these words, mom began to sob, sobbingly, she said,

"Do you have no sense of shame; you have insulted the family before them. Which fault you saw in the girl. It was a good opportunity but now you have lost it"

Then her voice chocked. Mom walked off into inner room with tearful eyes.

Forthwith, I resolved to apologize to the company boss. No doubt, he was cruel, malicious, wicked, exploiter and an obstruction to my independence but I could not have angry my parents. My teacher once said- life without compromise is not a real life. Moreover, it was my first compromise with the life and it was the beginning, I well now sensing.

Meanwhile, mom sent Anita to me with a glass full of milk and some pieces of bread.