Life as I Know It - Chapter 17
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Maddie's POV
I got back to my parents house and decided to keep the fact that I saw Josh a secret. I don't know how my parents feel about him or what, but I don't want to start anymore drama.
I walk upstairs to my room and I put Ashylnn in her crib, then I check my laptop and I have a few new messages from Adam.
"Hey, I was thinking, maybe you could move in with me?"
"Maybe that's not a good idea... I don't know I just want you to be happy."
"Is Ashlynn doing good? I haven't heard from you in a while."
"Maybe I could move up there, so you could be closer to your parents?"
"Well anyway just text me or call me sometime... I really miss you Maddie."
Oh god. What was I going to do? I pick up my phone and dial his number.
"Hello?" He answers excitedly.
"Hey, it's Maddie."
"How have you been? I was worried when you didn't answer any of my messages! It's been so long, since I've heard your voice! I miss you so much! I can't believe I've lived without you! I need you! Oh, sorry I'm kinda rambling on."
"It's okay."
"So, how's Ashlynn?"
"Uh, she's doing good."
"Are you okay? You seem different."
"Uhm... I talked to Josh today. I saw him at the park when I was walking with Ashlynn. He wants to be a part of her life... and mine."
"Oh. But, I thought you and me..." I cut him off.
"I don't know what to do! I'm so confused! He didn't want to be any part of her till now and I don't know what's going through my mind, but when he kissed me..."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, he kissed you!?!?"
"Yeah, it was only a peck and I didn't even really kiss back."
"I thought you were over him. I thought you liked me!"
"I thought I was over him and I do like you! Adam I just don't know what to do."
"I think you need some time. Call me when you get everything straightened out. And Maddie?"
"Yeah."
"Please don't cheat on me."
"I won't!"
With that I hang up the phone and cried into my pillow. It would be so much easier if I just killed myself. Ashlynn would go to a family who would be able to support her and give her everything she wants! Unlike me who can't even give her a father or anything! And her own grandparents don't even want her in their lives! They don't even want me in their lives. This is the first time in a long time I have seriously thought of killing myself again.
I start looking through some of my stuff that I left here, before I got shipped away to that boarding school. My knife was one of the things thrown in on top. One of the last things I put in the box before I left. I remember debating on whether or not to take it with me, I didn't want to cut myself because of Ashlynn, but I ended up buying another one there anyway. And now, I think it's a better idea. I take the knife and switch it open. Then crying, I slice my arms like I used to. The pain's better than the motions I feel and It takes my mind off everything going on. Right now I'm just focused on the pain not the hurt, that Josh put me through, not the choice from Adam to Josh, not my parents, or Ashlynn, I'm just thinking about me.
Later that night I hear something tapping against the window, I open it up to see Josh.
"Come here." He said.
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"The baby!"
"Just for a minute, she'll be okay!"
I look at Ashlynn and she's fast asleep, so I climb out the window and climb down the side of the house.
"What do you want?"
"I want you to marry me." He says as he kneels down and pulls out a ring box from his pocket opening it up. I look at the ring and smile.
"You remembered?"
"Remembered what?"
"I told you that when a guy proposed to me I wanted it to be special, and different. And I told you the type of ring I wanted, small gems on the side, a big diamond but a small ring. Exactly, what you got me."
"So, is that a yes?"
"I... I don't know."
He reaches for my arm to pull me closer and I wince in pain. Surprised, he slides up my sleeve to reveal the cut marks from earlier.
"I thought you stopped?"
"You broke my heart, what else was there for to live for?"
"I never went back to smoking pot."
"I wasn't the one who broke your heart, you were the one that was cheating on me! You were the one who lied to my face every time you said 'I love you'. You had a girlfriend to rebound to. All I had, was a strange school, where I knew no one. And a baby on the way."
"I never cheated on you! And I always loved you!"
"Please don't lie to me again. I can't take it anymore!"
With that I turned around and climbed back up to my room.
Did I do the right thing?
Do I tell Adam?
Do I still like Josh?
I'm so confused. I just pull on a pair of sweatpants and a baggy sweatshirt and crawl into bed.
**************************************************
Hey guys! So I know I haven't posted in forever! But here's the next chapter! I'm also writing another book it's called 'A Different World.' I would LOVE if you read it! Please comment and tell me who you think she should date. Thanks guys! I love all of you!
I got back to my parents house and decided to keep the fact that I saw Josh a secret. I don't know how my parents feel about him or what, but I don't want to start anymore drama.
I walk upstairs to my room and I put Ashylnn in her crib, then I check my laptop and I have a few new messages from Adam.
"Hey, I was thinking, maybe you could move in with me?"
"Maybe that's not a good idea... I don't know I just want you to be happy."
"Is Ashlynn doing good? I haven't heard from you in a while."
"Maybe I could move up there, so you could be closer to your parents?"
"Well anyway just text me or call me sometime... I really miss you Maddie."
Oh god. What was I going to do? I pick up my phone and dial his number.
"Hello?" He answers excitedly.
"Hey, it's Maddie."
"How have you been? I was worried when you didn't answer any of my messages! It's been so long, since I've heard your voice! I miss you so much! I can't believe I've lived without you! I need you! Oh, sorry I'm kinda rambling on."
"It's okay."
"So, how's Ashlynn?"
"Uh, she's doing good."
"Are you okay? You seem different."
"Uhm... I talked to Josh today. I saw him at the park when I was walking with Ashlynn. He wants to be a part of her life... and mine."
"Oh. But, I thought you and me..." I cut him off.
"I don't know what to do! I'm so confused! He didn't want to be any part of her till now and I don't know what's going through my mind, but when he kissed me..."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, he kissed you!?!?"
"Yeah, it was only a peck and I didn't even really kiss back."
"I thought you were over him. I thought you liked me!"
"I thought I was over him and I do like you! Adam I just don't know what to do."
"I think you need some time. Call me when you get everything straightened out. And Maddie?"
"Yeah."
"Please don't cheat on me."
"I won't!"
With that I hang up the phone and cried into my pillow. It would be so much easier if I just killed myself. Ashlynn would go to a family who would be able to support her and give her everything she wants! Unlike me who can't even give her a father or anything! And her own grandparents don't even want her in their lives! They don't even want me in their lives. This is the first time in a long time I have seriously thought of killing myself again.
I start looking through some of my stuff that I left here, before I got shipped away to that boarding school. My knife was one of the things thrown in on top. One of the last things I put in the box before I left. I remember debating on whether or not to take it with me, I didn't want to cut myself because of Ashlynn, but I ended up buying another one there anyway. And now, I think it's a better idea. I take the knife and switch it open. Then crying, I slice my arms like I used to. The pain's better than the motions I feel and It takes my mind off everything going on. Right now I'm just focused on the pain not the hurt, that Josh put me through, not the choice from Adam to Josh, not my parents, or Ashlynn, I'm just thinking about me.
Later that night I hear something tapping against the window, I open it up to see Josh.
"Come here." He said.
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"The baby!"
"Just for a minute, she'll be okay!"
I look at Ashlynn and she's fast asleep, so I climb out the window and climb down the side of the house.
"What do you want?"
"I want you to marry me." He says as he kneels down and pulls out a ring box from his pocket opening it up. I look at the ring and smile.
"You remembered?"
"Remembered what?"
"I told you that when a guy proposed to me I wanted it to be special, and different. And I told you the type of ring I wanted, small gems on the side, a big diamond but a small ring. Exactly, what you got me."
"So, is that a yes?"
"I... I don't know."
He reaches for my arm to pull me closer and I wince in pain. Surprised, he slides up my sleeve to reveal the cut marks from earlier.
"I thought you stopped?"
"You broke my heart, what else was there for to live for?"
"I never went back to smoking pot."
"I wasn't the one who broke your heart, you were the one that was cheating on me! You were the one who lied to my face every time you said 'I love you'. You had a girlfriend to rebound to. All I had, was a strange school, where I knew no one. And a baby on the way."
"I never cheated on you! And I always loved you!"
"Please don't lie to me again. I can't take it anymore!"
With that I turned around and climbed back up to my room.
Did I do the right thing?
Do I tell Adam?
Do I still like Josh?
I'm so confused. I just pull on a pair of sweatpants and a baggy sweatshirt and crawl into bed.
**************************************************
Hey guys! So I know I haven't posted in forever! But here's the next chapter! I'm also writing another book it's called 'A Different World.' I would LOVE if you read it! Please comment and tell me who you think she should date. Thanks guys! I love all of you!
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