Letting Go of a Relationship

How do you walk away from someone you love
And take the road of friend;
Can you reroute the course you have taken
And start over once again?

I don't really want to let you go
But inside me I know I must;
The times we've loved . . . the times you've left
My heart says stay . . . but it's my mind I must trust.

We have shared so much together
Laughter . . . fun times . . . tears;
Yet sometimes we can't turn back time
We must walk away, and allow ourselves to heal.

I know one day you will be happy
And your soulmate you will find;
I know we each have one out there
Even if for now . . . only in our minds.

May life be gentle with you
May God's best come your way;
And on some quiet tomorrow
You will realize things were better this way......by Judy Burnette

Poems such as these often come handy when we have just been through a relationship break-up. Although let me tell you one thing that to feel only love and wish luck to your ex for his future, when the break-up is still fresh, is a very remote possibility. It takes days or sometimes even months before a person gets emotionally healed and finally moves on in life. It takes a lot of emotional strength and courage to find a life without someone whom you once referred to as your "better half". Any amount of advice that we might get by reading or talking to our friends cannot mend a broken heart, but yes it can certainly make us feel a little better. Facing the reality as soon as one can and making some hard decisions is something one should strive for. So for all those people who have just seen the end of an important relationship, here are some tips which will help them to come face-to-face with reality.

Let Out Your Emotions
"We can never turn back the pages of time, though we may wish to relive a happy moment, or say goodbye just one last time, we never can, because the sands of time continue to fall, and we can't turn the hourglass over." - Unknown

For healing a broken heart, face yourself - do not stay in an illusion that he or she is going to come back. If you have really been in love, you will find yourself in the midst of numerous emotions. You might be angry, feel cheated especially if the other person has betrayed you in some way. You may even feel like crying at times. The best way to deal with all these myriad emotions and feelings is to not keep them bottled inside. Talk about them to your best friend or sister or anybody you trust and are not scared to show your vulnerability to. Or you can pour all your emotions in a diary. Coming to terms with your feelings is one of the most important steps to let go a relationship.

Do not Blame Yourself
Often, people who have been through a break-up, tend to blame themselves for the relationship going sour. If both of you feel the same, it's but natural. The main thing to remember when having such feelings is that your relationship worked before because both of you "made it happen". Now it's dysfunctional because both of you stopped working at the issues. Just as it takes two to clap, it took the two of you to fail your relationship.

Have a Good Time
Stay in the company of happy, positive people. Think of all your friends/relatives/acquaintances whose company you enjoy. If you are still on friendly terms with any of your exes, consider them too. Come up with a list of people with whom you would like to spend an evening with. Laughter, as is said, is the best medicine. So share a few laughs with the people you like and it will surely help you a lot in getting over a breakup.

Cut all Contact
Do not try to contact your ex, however much you are missing them. A break-up is just that - a final cut. Do not ask your common friends about him/her. Do not try to find out whether he/she is dating again or no. I know it is a very hard thing to do but you have to be really strong to move on in life. Take inspiration from some of these quotes.

"There's no need to miss someone from your past - There's a reason they didn't make it to your future" - Unknown

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go." - Hermann Hesse

Move on
Start seeing someone again. And when you do that, keep things casual. Do not fall in the trap of rebound relationships. Along with letting go of your ex, it's time to let go of all your fears and reservations too. Date! Flirt! Do whatever you missed doing when you were a one man woman or a one woman man. Enjoy your freedom. In the words of Tom Stoppard, "Every exit is an entry somewhere", so enter the dating scene again!

Mind you, letting go of a relationship is not easy. Even more difficult is to start trusting someone again. The idea of being on your own too may scare a whole lot of people. The thing to remember when dealing with all these emotions is - whatever happens, happens for good. So cherish the good times that you had with your ex and at the same time look forward to creating a happy and fulfilling life. As a popular saying goes, "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."