Learning How to Flirt: Tips for the Socially Awkward

I am a nerd, that will never change, but I have not allowed that simple truth to force me into social isolation. I have written this article to give others like me a leg up on a decades-long journey that has taken me from potential wedgie victim to well-rounded and fun to hang around.

Step 1: Own It

You are a nerd; so what, everyone is either a nerd for something, or they are passionless and boring. The key is not to let your passion overwhelm those around you. For me, it is role playing video games (RPGs); sometimes I still have to remember that girls don’t want to hear about how many orcs I slay in my free time. I have, however, found that girls enjoy my self-deprecating comedy routine in which I use my nerd voice to describe various Internet-related exploits. Develop you sense of humor to play off of your perceived weaknesses.

Step 2: Set the Goal

As with any project, setting a goal is the strategic foundation that will ultimately lead you to success. What do you want, good friends, a hot date? I humbly suggest that you can have it all if you set a goal of becoming a well-rounded individual. For instance, my goal was "To become the person that I would enjoy hanging out with". Make it authentic, it is too much work to keep up a lie. Remember, flirting is much easier when people enjoy being around you.

Step 3: Master Your Words

Teach yourself how to speak as well as you write, but without a "Delete" key. That being said, listen to the people around you speak, they probably sound like idiots; so don’t come off as too polished, but limit your use of "like" and "um". Speak with confidence; eventually you will actually become confident.

Step 4: Empathy

Stated simply, you need to learn how to get into your target’s head, but in a good way. Think about the social needs of your target and how you can address those needs. If you are having trouble developing a sense of empathy, here it is: people want to feel accepted, and they like to laugh. Also, remember that everyone is a nerd for something, find out what that something is then ask questions and listen to the answers, people like talking about themselves and their passions.

Step 5: Learn to Fail

You will face rejection; that is a fact. Get over it. Learn and move on.

Step 6: Learn to Succeed

Now that you are making fast friends with others, and flirting with confidence, don’t forget your humility, be respectful, and have fun.

Hopefully these tips will help you to flirt and get dates as well as develop as a person.

By Joel Myers Published: 11/8/2008