Laundry Day (Part 2)
The second installment in my intensely amazing laundry-mat romance.
After several terribly awkward telephone conversations, Jackie and I decided on a Friday night for our date. She suggested that I come to dinner at her parents' house to meet her family and have a nice home-cooked meal. I immediately became hostile and refused her offer, scorning her for being so hasty in wanting to introduce me to her family so soon. After slamming down the phone, storming out of my apartment, going to a bar, getting drunk, and attempting to violate the bartender, I realized that I hadn't enjoyed a home-cooked meal in quite some time. I was forcibly removed from the bar and returned to my apartment to apologize to Jackie and agree to her dinner proposal. I certainly hoped the food would be to my liking.
Jackie's parents lived in a nice neighborhood only a few blocks from mine. There were things like yards, green grass, and trees everywhere I looked. It appeared that Jackie's family was a good bit wealthier than me. The thought only enraged me so I pushed it out of my mind. Tonight was meant to be about enjoying a nice dinner, but if I happened upon a wad of cash stashed away in a drawer or vault, I was sure no harm would come from me slipping a few dozen bills into my pocket. I would surely repay them in other ways.
I careened into the massive driveway, my large Chevy easily taking up over half of the enormous space and even encroaching into the yard a bit, my right tires mashing down the freshly cut grass and crushing a garden lantern - a small price to pay for my brilliant company. I was apparently too focused on the broken lantern and the trench that I had mashed into the lawn because I inadvertently rammed my front bumper into the rear of the fancy SUV that was parked in the garage. Horrified, I leapt from my car and dashed to the front of my vehicle. Thankfully, no damage had been done to my automobile. The SUV suffered a smashed tail light and a dented rear fender, but I knew that the wealth of this family would easily cover the minor damage.
I strutted proudly down the walkway towards the front door. I was sporting a fancy new navy blue sport jacket that I had sneakily borrowed from a friend's closet. I wore tight khaki slacks, a black polo shirt, and some brown loafers. My hair was slicked back with Vaseline and my mustache was trimmed perfectly to match the line of my upper lip. I looked good enough to eat, not to mention have sex with.
I reached the door and loudly knocked many times until I saw a figure appear in the little glass window. The door opened and there stood a flustered looking man in a suit.
"Um... Hello. Are you Jackie's date?" the pathetic looking man asked inquisitively.
"I am he!" I bellowed, stepping past him and into the house.
"...Please come in." the man said nervously. I ignored his request considering I was already past him and walking through the living room.
"You have a fine home here." I said, forcing the bile back down into my stomach. This horrible family obviously had no taste in décor. I hoped they were better at providing home-cooked meals than they were at decorating.
"Um...Sir, I'm Jackie's father, Ted. And your name is?" The sniveling fool caught up with me halfway through the living room and extended his hand. I took it and gave him a good hard squeeze, making him wince in pain. The measure of a man is a good handshake. That's what my Uncle Neil always said. It's a shame he was a coward.
"I'm Ben. Pleasure to meet you sir." I said loudly, taking a step towards him, looking directly into the man's eye, and giving his hand another fierce squeeze. Confidence is important in these situations. "Where is Jackie? She will be joining us this evening, won't she?"
Ted looked a bit startled by my amazing self-confidence and took a step back, attempting to pull his hand out of my Viking-grip.
"Yes...Yes, she's here. She's in the kitchen helping her mother. Dinner's almost ready."
The man had a wild and fearful look in his eye, as if he might bolt for the nearest window and go crashing through it like some horrified antelope.
"Fantastic! I'm starving!" I shouted. That was, however, a heinous lie. I was actually feeling quite strange in the gut region and my innards were bubbling fiercely. Earlier that day, in celebration of my impending date, I had prepared a celebratory lunch-salad that consisted of artichokes, pinto beans, asparagus, three different cheeses, and cabbage. I had topped it off with half a bottle of ranch dressing and proceeded to devour a monumental amount of it in a very short period of time, which in hindsight was a horrible idea. So naturally, my stomach was feeling a bit woozy. I had experienced a rather severe episode of violent and disturbing flatulence on the drive over and I knew that I was most definitely not out of the woods yet.
Jackie's parents lived in a nice neighborhood only a few blocks from mine. There were things like yards, green grass, and trees everywhere I looked. It appeared that Jackie's family was a good bit wealthier than me. The thought only enraged me so I pushed it out of my mind. Tonight was meant to be about enjoying a nice dinner, but if I happened upon a wad of cash stashed away in a drawer or vault, I was sure no harm would come from me slipping a few dozen bills into my pocket. I would surely repay them in other ways.
I careened into the massive driveway, my large Chevy easily taking up over half of the enormous space and even encroaching into the yard a bit, my right tires mashing down the freshly cut grass and crushing a garden lantern - a small price to pay for my brilliant company. I was apparently too focused on the broken lantern and the trench that I had mashed into the lawn because I inadvertently rammed my front bumper into the rear of the fancy SUV that was parked in the garage. Horrified, I leapt from my car and dashed to the front of my vehicle. Thankfully, no damage had been done to my automobile. The SUV suffered a smashed tail light and a dented rear fender, but I knew that the wealth of this family would easily cover the minor damage.
I strutted proudly down the walkway towards the front door. I was sporting a fancy new navy blue sport jacket that I had sneakily borrowed from a friend's closet. I wore tight khaki slacks, a black polo shirt, and some brown loafers. My hair was slicked back with Vaseline and my mustache was trimmed perfectly to match the line of my upper lip. I looked good enough to eat, not to mention have sex with.
I reached the door and loudly knocked many times until I saw a figure appear in the little glass window. The door opened and there stood a flustered looking man in a suit.
"Um... Hello. Are you Jackie's date?" the pathetic looking man asked inquisitively.
"I am he!" I bellowed, stepping past him and into the house.
"...Please come in." the man said nervously. I ignored his request considering I was already past him and walking through the living room.
"You have a fine home here." I said, forcing the bile back down into my stomach. This horrible family obviously had no taste in décor. I hoped they were better at providing home-cooked meals than they were at decorating.
"Um...Sir, I'm Jackie's father, Ted. And your name is?" The sniveling fool caught up with me halfway through the living room and extended his hand. I took it and gave him a good hard squeeze, making him wince in pain. The measure of a man is a good handshake. That's what my Uncle Neil always said. It's a shame he was a coward.
"I'm Ben. Pleasure to meet you sir." I said loudly, taking a step towards him, looking directly into the man's eye, and giving his hand another fierce squeeze. Confidence is important in these situations. "Where is Jackie? She will be joining us this evening, won't she?"
Ted looked a bit startled by my amazing self-confidence and took a step back, attempting to pull his hand out of my Viking-grip.
"Yes...Yes, she's here. She's in the kitchen helping her mother. Dinner's almost ready."
The man had a wild and fearful look in his eye, as if he might bolt for the nearest window and go crashing through it like some horrified antelope.
"Fantastic! I'm starving!" I shouted. That was, however, a heinous lie. I was actually feeling quite strange in the gut region and my innards were bubbling fiercely. Earlier that day, in celebration of my impending date, I had prepared a celebratory lunch-salad that consisted of artichokes, pinto beans, asparagus, three different cheeses, and cabbage. I had topped it off with half a bottle of ranch dressing and proceeded to devour a monumental amount of it in a very short period of time, which in hindsight was a horrible idea. So naturally, my stomach was feeling a bit woozy. I had experienced a rather severe episode of violent and disturbing flatulence on the drive over and I knew that I was most definitely not out of the woods yet.
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