Last Summer Part 17

**This is it, everyone!! This is what everyone has been asking me and wondering about since the beginning of the story! You finally get to figure out why Caleb never talked to her. I hope it doesn't disappoint =D Comments would be mucho appreciated!**

I never would have let Todd bring me to the beach if I had known his true intentions. He brought me to the beach so he could say "look, it’s been fun, but I think that you’re still hooked on your ex. The crazy one who punched me last night."

Yeah, I’m not even kidding. He had greeted me with a quick peck on the lips and that had reassured me that everything was okay between us. It was almost sort of humorous how wrong I had been.

We were currently sitting on the beach, near the water’s edge, and I was staring at him with what was probably a shocked expression. Did he seriously just say that he thought I was still in love with Caleb? "You’re kidding me, right?"

He let out a quick, almost hateful laugh, and said, "I saw your expression when him and his friends showed up to the club last night. Did you really think that I hadn’t?"

"And what exactly was my expression since you seem to be so good at reading me?" I asked sarcastically. Who the hell did he think he was? He had known me no longer than a week and a half and already he thought he could read me like an open book. Only one guy in existence could do that and I no longer cared about him. Well, I tried not to anyways.

He rolled his eyes and told me, "Nikki, after the nut bag punched me, Tiffany and I got to talking in the bathroom. She told me what he did to you. But what I don’t get is why you still love him."

"I don’t love him!" I argued, but I could tell that the cause was already lost. Todd still didn’t look convinced and to tell you the truth, I had no idea why I was arguing this. I was actually kind of glad he was ending it, but what got to me was the fact that he thought I was still in love with Caleb.

"Sure," he scoffed doubtfully. He stood up and then held his hand out for me so that he could pick me up. Yeah, right. I wasn’t going to let him treat me like some helpless female. I may have been female, but I sure as hell wasn’t helpless.

So I stood up on my own and then we made our way to where he had parked his car. But then I realized that my grandparents only lived a few feet away. I could just walk there myself. "Todd, you don’t need to drive me. My house is right up the beach."

"You have a bag in the car, right? Just let me drive you back."

So he did, even if I hadn’t wanted him to.

Todd dropped me off at my house with a rude "bye" and then a quick peeling out of the driveway. I rolled my eyes at his rude behavior and then started up the walk to the front door.

But then I realized something. It was all Caleb’s fault. It was his fault that my newest could-be-boyfriend had just dumped me. And for some reason, that little fact filled me with adrenaline.

So before I could stop myself, I was making my way across the street. I probably looked a little psycho as I walked-kind of like an old woman power walking-but I couldn’t care less. I was taking matters into my own hands. I had to talk to Caleb.

As soon as I got to the door, I pressed the doorbell. I couldn’t even be bothered with thoughts of how stupid I was being. There was no way I could have ever pictured myself doing something like this, but here I was. Todd had just been my excuse to talk to Caleb.

"Nikki? What on earth are you doing here, sweetheart?" his grandmother asked. She looked completely confused as to why I was dropping by, but I could tell how happy this made her. She was thinking I came over here to get back together with Caleb. Did she really want us back together that badly?

"I need to talk to Caleb. Is he here?" I demanded, trying my hardest to sound friendly. But trying and succeeding were two very different things. How was I supposed to be seemingly happy when I was actually stewing on the inside?

Of course, this put a huge smile on the elderly woman’s face and she exclaimed, "Of course he is! Do you mind telling me what’s going on?"

I shook my head and told her, "To tell you the truth, even I don’t know." Before she could respond, I slid in past her and then darted up the stairs.

Of course I knew where his room was. I had been to this house so many times and it was like the layout was etched in my brain. I knew where all of the pictures were and who they were of. The only thing I didn’t know was why I was here.

When I stood in front of his bedroom door, my heart was pounding like a two-ton weight. My adrenaline rush was starting to give way to reasonable thoughts, but I wasn’t going to let myself back down. I was here, right? Now I just had to give myself that one extra push.

I rapped on the door twice and then after taking a large, deep breath, I pushed the door open. Seeing the room hit me harder than I would have ever thought possible; nothing had changed. The walls were still a deep blue color and the bedspread was still a white down comforter. I could still picture us snuggling underneath the blanket, giggling at lame jokes that only the two of us would understand.

He still had his complex sound system on one wall and a TV on top of his dresser. This room brought back so many memories. The only thing new was the guy. I mean, yeah, he was the same guy, but he was so different this summer. This summer he seemed to be so much more intense. His muscles were bigger, his hair a different style, and he didn’t seem to be quite as goofy. Currently, he was lying on his bed, flipping TV channels, looking completely delectable, as always. Even if he did look different, he was still hot. But of course, as soon as he saw me, he shot up in his bed and his jaw dropped.

"Nikki?" he questioned and then rubbed his eyes as if I was an illusion. He lifted the remote towards the TV and then it clicked off. "What…what are you doing in my room…?"

Seeing Caleb on his bed like that, completely vulnerable, made me feel like the world’s biggest idiot. What on earth was I doing here? What exactly did I think was going to happen? So with that thought, I wheeled around and started to walk down the hallway.

That was, until, he caught up to me and grabbed me by the shoulders. "Oh, no you don’t," he instructed, and then led me back into his room. I tried to ignore the pleasant tingles I got throughout my body just because he had laid a hand on me.

He shut the door behind him and came to face me. "You can’t just appear in my doorway and then walk out. It’s rude. Now, what are you doing here?"

I shook my head and then threw a glance towards the door; I wanted to leave. I couldn’t be around this kid. He made me crazy. "I…I have no idea. I was just with Todd and he dropped me off at home and then I kind of just stormed over here. I was really pissed at you."

"Was?" he asked, with a slight grin on his face. I could tell that it affected him that I had just been with Todd, but he seemed to lighten up when I said ‘was’.

"I mean, I am really pissed at you."

"And why is that?" he inquired, and then sat down on the edge of his bed. He patted the empty space next to him, but I just shook my head at him. Sitting next to him would screw with my brain pattern and since I was here, I needed all the brain power I had.

"Well, there’s the fact that Todd just dumped me because of you," he broke into a small smile as I said this, "and then there’s everything else." As I told him this, I could feel steam burning inside of my ears. God, I was so pissed at this boy.

"Everything else?" he asked, an expectant look in his eyes.

"You don’t know?" I asked, trying to make it sound like he was an idiot. I still just sounded like a crazy person though.

He frowned and then his gaze averted towards the floor. He knew exactly what I was talking about. "You tell me you love me, then…nothing. No phone call, text message, letter, e-mail. You completely dropped me from the edge of the universe! If there was another girl, I would have wanted to know. It’s better to be dumped then to be abandoned, Caleb. Why did you do that to me?"

Wow. I hadn’t exactly expected myself to lay it all out like that, but I guess I had. See, I had this problem with rambling when it came to stressful and painful situations and this was definitely one of those situations.

He looked up at me and I could see that his eyes were filling with tears, "I did what was best for you, trust me."

"Best for me? Is that really the best you can say? All you have to say is ‘hey, I screwed up. You do not deserve me’ and then I’ll be out. I just need a reason, Caleb."

He took in a deep breath and then randomly stood up and then walked over to me. He enveloped me in his arms and I completely lost it. My arms tightened around his back and I pulled him closer to me. I breathed in his familiar scent and I could have melted on the spot. I needed to be yelling, I needed to be telling him how much I hated him. But what I hated most was how much I needed him. He told me, "I don’t deserve you. You’ve got it all backwards."

"So that’s why you never talked to me?" I asked him doubtfully, "Because you’re not good enough for me? That makes absolutely no sense."

He looked at me and I saw nothing but pain in those gorgeous green eyes of his. They made me terrified to hear what was coming up next. He whispered, "You remember the day you left last summer?" I nodded. "Well, the day after that was when my parents had come to pick up me and Billy. They didn’t make it here, Nikki."

I swallowed a lump of terror down my throat and then braced myself for what he was to say next. "Why not?" I asked, turning my gaze away from his. There was so much sadness and pain that I couldn’t even bear the sight of him. I just couldn’t take it.

"Because my parents…they…they died…Nikki." I could hear the unshed tears in his voice and I could tell he was trying so hard to cover them up. But he didn’t have to do that; not around me.

I bit down on my bottom and realized that I’m such a bitch. I looked up at him and noticed that a couple of tears had escaped from his eyes. I took my thumb and then rubbed them away, my throat burning. This was too much for me to handle but I had to be here for him. Caleb was in pain. That sentence ripped through me and tore at my heart. I couldn’t even empathize with him. "I’m so, so sorry."
He nodded and then wrapped his arms around me again. He buried his face in my hair and then the tears started to pour from my eyes. I hadn’t even thought about him. All I had cared about was me, myself, and I. Dang, I was such a bitch. Caleb’s parents had died and all that I cared about was that he didn’t call me. Man, was I selfish or what?

But this made so much sense. His grandmother’s words echoed through my head, "He had such a hard year, but still." He had had a hard year, but saying that wasn’t giving him enough credit for being strong. His year had been catastrophic and yet he was still functioning properly.

Then that night at the Swaying Palms with Ava made so much more sense. I understood everything she meant now. He had been hurting so much worse than I had and I hadn’t even been there for him. Maybe he hadn’t answered my calls, but I should have known. I should have been there for him, holding his hand the entire way. Caleb, unlike so many other teenagers out there, adored his parents. So the death of the two of them at the same time must have been so completely devastating that I couldn’t even fathom it.

He pulled away from my hair and sniffled. His eyes were rimmed in red again and I wanted to cry all over again. God, he was in so much pain. I wanted-no needed-to take it away from him. He didn’t deserve it. He explained, "That’s why I didn’t call you back. You didn’t need to see me like that…I wasn’t myself…I was…was…broken. I wanted you to remember me by happy things, not by my being a zombie."

"I should have been there for you, though!" I cried. "Don’t you see, Caleb? Happy or sad I’m always here for you! You know that." But it wasn’t true. He had been sad half of the time I had been here and I hadn’t been there for him. That just made me feel so much worse about myself. Caleb’s heart had been broken by the death of his parents and then I had just made it worse by being a bitch to him. I had yelled at him, screamed at him, wished he would just away, and I regretted every last thing.

And what upset me the most was that even when going through such a traumatizing thing, he had still put me ahead of himself. I had been putting myself first all summer and nothing had happened to me. But everything had happened to him.

He shook his head and tried to laugh, but you could still hear the pain in it. He told me, "I don’t want you to see me when I’m like this…you don’t deserve it." Now, again, he was putting me first and it was driving me absolutely insane. I didn’t deserve him at all. He was so much better than me.

"You’re right…I deserve so much worse." I ignored it when he shook his head and then I continued, "I’ve been nothing but a bitch to you all summer and your parents…I’m so sorry, Caleb. So sorry."