Last Night Courtesy of You

I'm sitting here in the dark alone,
Wishing you would pick up the phone,
I've tried so hard, the pain comes with gasps,
Should've have realized tonight was going to be my last.

This pain inside me keeps becoming more real,
I should have known its what you'd make me feel,
I want this over I want it to end,
This hole inside of me no one can mend.

You tore my heart out and threw it on the floor,
I never could get over this internal war,
Now as I sit here and write this poem,
I realize that I really have no one.

You sacrificed me and left me alone,
After you realized it was a house and not a home,
I tried and tried and prayed it wasn't true,
Now I cry when I think of him holding you.

I was your first,
I wanted to be your last,
Now I'm cursed,
Forever dreaming of the past.

So I hit here in this dark room,
This computer monitor casting the pale gloom,
I wish I could take back everything I've said,
But that's just a lie I'd rather be dead.

Now I'm giving you the chance to get on with your life,
I'm shutting up now so you can be his wife,
This pain you put inside me you'll never understand or know,
Just like the son you gave me I'll never watch grow.

I used to cut myself just to watch it bleed,
Now I know its stupid its not what I need,
This hunger this craving inside me won't rest,
So I'll cut it out and give it to the best.

I'm going to die now so leave me alone,
Get the hell away from me and try to find your home,
I used to hope I used to dream and believe,
Now all I seem to do is cry and grieve.

I once had a heart that was encased in flesh and bone,
Now all it will know is steel for a throne,
The daemons in hell have been calling to me,
I'm going to join them just you wait and see.

I want you to know that I loved you true,
Now I'm going to hell just to say *&^% YOU!