Ketchup Popsicle - 12

When Mike arrived home at six thirty that evening Daniel went running into his arms. "Dadadada." And then pointing up to the ceiling fan as they entered the living room, "Faaaaaan, Dadadada, faaaaan."

"Yes, fan." Mike repeated. "Hey Sandra." Mike looked in her direction expecting her usual greeting. She normally would pop up off the sofa, walk across the room him a kiss hello. Today she had no desire to be that close to him. Mike put Daniel down in front of his toy blocks on the floor and headed upstairs to get ready for the gym. Sandra scooped up Daniel and his blocks and followed Mike up the stairs.

"I’d like to speak to you, Mike." She said to his back.

"Bout what?" He asked.

She put Daniel on the floor of the master bedroom and sat in the upholstered chair in the corner. It was an old hand-me-down from his mother. "Mike. Are you dating people?" It sounded odd when she said it but she lifted her chin and waited for his response.

Mike took off his dress shirt and sighed loudly at his routine being disturbed by her chatter. "What?"

"Are you hooking up with other women?" She pronounced the words hooking up in a mocking, disgusted tone.

"Uh, no." He replied dumbly and not very convincingly.

"Mike I read your email to Kate asking her if she wanted to hook up. I’m not stupid, I know what that means." Sandra folder her arms across her chest and held her breath.

"You read my email?" His voice was angered. "What the hell are you doing reading my email?"

"I don’t know." She said defensively. "That’s not the point. Answer my question. Who is she? Are you screwing her?.... I’m the one who’s supposed to be angry here." She said pointedly and then realized that she really wasn’t as upset as she thought she would be. She looked Mike up and down as he continued to change into jogging shorts and a t-shirt. She wasn’t feeling much of anything at that moment, not love, not hate, just plain nothing. "Listen, just tell me what’s going on, that’s the least you could do."

Mike stood and stared at Sandra with both hands on his hips. He seemed to be taking her in the same way that she had just done to him. She assumed that he came to the same conclusion: nothing. "She’s a friend. We meet up for lunch sometimes, she works at the bar across the street from the dealership," he confessed.

"So you meet up with a waitress for lunch and I’m not supposed to find that insulting? How long have you known her? Have you slept with her?"

"She’s just a friend!" He yelled, startling Daniel who dropped the block he had in his mouth and looked up at his father and then instinctively at his mother for reassurance. Which she provided by forcing a smile reaching out to brush his chubby cheek with the back of her hand.

"It's okay baby". She whispered.

Sandra glared at Mike, "Do not yell at me in front of Daniel. Ever," She warned. "Ok so she’s your friend and she’s a waitress at a bar. Is she a new friend? Why don’t we all meet for lunch one day and you can introduce her to me….and Daniel." Sandra thought that this was a perfectly reasonable request given that any friend of Mike’s would surely be a friend of hers. She knew that Kate was not just a friend; however, she knew it in the pit of her stomach. She was insulted and offended by the situation. It made her look like a fool to be living with a man who she knew didn’t love her and raising his baby while he was out with Kate. It occurred to her that Kate’s bar was probably where he went every Friday night with his buddies, or maybe he just went alone. Who knows how many lies he had told her just by not telling her anything at all.

"You’re being ridiculous." Mike blurted out. He grabbed his gym bag and stormed out of the room and down the stairs. Sandra sat observing Daniel who was still looking in the direction that his father had gone when she heard the door slam and the sound of his car pulling out of the drive. Daniel swung his head back to look at Sandra questioningly.

"It’s alright boo-boo. Daddy’s gone to the gym….or to Kate’s bar, who knows?" She tickled Daniel who squealed in delight. Nothing had changed in the altercation between her and Mike. There was not resolve, no apologies, no admittal of infidelity. The conversation started with them both feeling nothing for each other and ended in the same regard. Sandra was disturbed and relieved. She didn’t have to do anything. She didn’t have to find a new place to live just yet, she didn’t have to beat on Mike’s chest and beg him to love her, she didn’t have to anything more than she had been doing. All she really had to do was take care of her and take care of Daniel until she could figure out what it was that she needed to do. What was best for Daniel and for now that was staying putt.

She had no money saved up , no job, no insight into her future. There was something that kept her chained to Mike and the security of the home she had built there with Daniel. It was fear. Fear of going out on her own and trying to make that good for Daniel. How could she alone provide for him what he had where they were? A comfortable, safe place to live with air conditioning and a fridge full of healthy food. How could she provide all of that on her own? She couldn’t turn to her father for help; he made that clear when she got pregnant in the first place. She was stuck. Stuck in a place that she resented and yet took comfort in for the sake of Daniel. Was she a gold-digger? Was she using Mike? She didn’t mean to be, but maybe, given the fact that she didn’t actually love him, she was. And that wasn’t fair for any of them.