Just a Shadow - Chp. 9
Always put in second to Princess Aulda, will this Shadow grow a life of her own?
Hey guys! super sorry for the wait, I've got some intense midterms right now and I'm studying my you-know-what off. I'm luck I got this much done, and I promise I'll respond to your comments next chapter, which will be DEFINITELY not as long as it took me to post this one. Please don't stop leaving comments though, the ones on the last chapter were really inspiring, and this should be the last hold-up for a while now. xoxoCassandra
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Chapter 9:
Resin walked around the castle about five times to make sure she was in control of herself before she made her way to the gardens. Munroe was different than any type of person she had previously met. He couldn't be fooled with the usual facade. She needed to be sure that she was absolutely in control of herself when she saw him. If not, she knew there was a great chance of her not achieving what she was setting out to do. She must tell him she can never see him again.
She arrived in the gardens and immediately spied him across the way, sitting cross-legged under the shade of an apple tree, his head bowed low and his thumbs twiddling. She took one step on the crunchy gravel and immediately his head flew up, and he smiled as he saw it was her coming towards him. Resin looked at her feet and suddenly realized how hard this would be. She shuffled off towards him, and he stood up, taking a step so he was looking down on her.
"How are you feeling?" he said, and Resin took a deep breath, and nodded, avoiding his gaze.
"Fine," she put, "I'm fine." Munroe looked into her eyes and saw they were lying, so he came over to her and put his arms around her, allowing her head to rest against his chest. His body was warm and comforting, but Resin had a purpose, and she frigidly pushed him away from her. "Munroe, stop it." he looked at her, his eyes hurt, but still inquisitive. "I can't keep being around you Munroe. It's not right."
"How is it not right? I mean, I realize that our Kingdoms want to kill each other, but as a Shadow, you being with me shouldn't be upsetting anyone." he stated. Resin looked at him, incredulous.
"Well that's the problem. It is creating unrest. The Kingdom is disapproving of my 'relationship' with you." she quoted 'relationship' with her fingers. Munroe's eyes narrowed.
"If by kingdom you mean Princess Aulda, then I'll believe you." Resin looked away. "I would have thought you'd have figured out by now it's difficult to lie to me, Resin." his voice was icy and disapproving, and Resin's heart began to ache when she realized that she might be losing the one man who cared about her. She couldn't bear to see him leave hating her. It would tear her apart.
"Look," she told him, "there are some things about my life that I'll have trouble sharing because when I share them," she took a deep breath and lifted her arms up, throwing them down to her sides, "then it means I'm..... not managing it. It means that I'm dependent on you and tied to you. And the bane of my... EXISTENCE is that I'll never be independent. Not ever." She was agitated, and breathing heavier that she should have been. Munroe looked at her with a new sympathy and understanding in his dark green eyes.
"No it doesn't." he countered. "Telling me your problems won't do anything but help you. And when I'm gone, you could just go back to dealing with it the way you have before." Resin fingered the scars on her waist as she realized that her way of managing wasn't healthy. And if she got even a taste of the utopia of a caring individual, when he left her life would be hell. And she would have to cut deeper and deadlier just to forget about him. She wasn't sure she would survive it.
"I'm not going to tell you," said Resin, her voice quiet but absolute and in this announcement. Munroe nodded.
"Understandable," he said, his voice even. "You don't have to tell me what happened, but at least tell me how you feel. Better than before?" he referred to her minor lapse in the meadow earlier, when she had turned frightened as a hunted animal in all her anxiety. Resin looked past him towards the apple tree and then took his hand, leading him to the trunk and sitting down, pulling him with her. She thought about the question in her mind. Telling him her emotions voluntarily would mean she was not managing them. But he had asked her a specific question, and there was no use lying to him. She turned towards him and looked at him, suddenly captured by the warmness in his posture and facial expression, the caring glint in his eye.
"Yes," she responded, "better than before, but still not great." again he nodded, then he turned to her, his eyes syrupy with trust.
"Do you know what I do when I am upset?" he questioned,
"I'm not upset," she replied defensively. Munroe rolled his eyes.
"Of course you're not."
"I'm not!" she replied, infuriated.
"Either way," Munroe replied, to end the feud, "Do you know what I would do if I were angry, or sad, or uncertain all together of how I felt?" he asked her, Resin looked at him, slightly uninterested and tired, but still wanting to hear the sound of his voice.
"What did you do?" she asked,
"I would find a group of soldiers and order them to fight me." he said. Resin looked at him, now more intrigued. "And I would always get terribly beat and bruised when I was a child, but when I grew older and better at fighting back, I was the one that beat them." he explained. "And some days I would have to fight multiple groups of soldiers in a row in able to feel relieved and refreshed. Fighting is my stress reliever," he revealed, and turned his green eyes to her steely blue ones. "What's yours?" The image of a burning candle flashed in her mind, but Resin realized that it only helped her for a short period of time. It only suppressed her depression for a little while. But then it would come flooding back, and she would do it again. No, these self-inflicted wounds were not her stress-reliever.
"When I was younger," she started, "and just started to realize how much of a pain Aulda was, I would go to the library and read for days at a time, just so that I didn't have to see her." she checked to see if Munroe was listening, and he was, his bronze face close and intent. Resin smiled. "So in a way, the library became almost a home. But it was the place itself, not the books. Most of the books I never really enjoyed that much." Munroe laughed, and stood up.
"Then that is what we shall do while I'm here," he said, offering his hand and pulling her up with him, she stumbled almost onto his chest "We shall find your stress-reliever." He beamed at her, and Resin's legs went weak and her chest became lighter. He was so close to her, and his eyes were became dark as his smile faded, and another look replaced it. He was a head taller than her and he was looking down at her, his bronze face perfect, and Resin's heart began to pump faster than it had ever before. He leaned in closer to her, slowly, his perfect lips reaching towards her as he cupped her shoulders. Resin closed her eyes.
Her eyes still closed, she heard something snap, and suddenly, Munroe had sprung away from her, looking around, his eyes manic until they settled on the rabbit that had broken a stick about five yards away from them. He straightened up and rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment, laughing a little to himself. Resin joined him, but the laughter was not real. Her body was still tingling with the remnants of the incomplete moment that had just passed. And she wished that she could go back to that moment and somehow made sure the rabbit hadn't disrupted anything. To just of felt his lips upon hers. But no, her life never turned in the direction she wanted it to, and the magic had faded from that moment, leaving nothing but emptiness in Resin's heart. Munroe too had felt that the magic had left, and so he spoke to soothe the awkwardness.
"The sun is starting to set," he stated, "And if I don't get back soon my soldiers will all be wondering where I had wandered off to." Resin nodded, and then remembered she had been banished from her bedroom that night, and that she must find a new place to sleep. But then an idea struck her that was so outlandish, so bold, and so perfect she didn't know if she had the audacity to ask it. But then she looked again at Munroe's face and found herself speaking.
"Munroe.... I was wondering.... vidge, I can't believe I'm asking this, but I was wondering.... because I don't actually have anywhere to sleep tonight.... because of, well, I'm not telling you.... but I was wondering, if it would be too much trouble for me... to , uh, request that I.."
"Yes," Munroe said, cutting her off and grabbing her hands, "You can stay at my camp tonight." His entire face was lit as he said this, and Resin felt her cheeks grow pink.
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Chapter 9:
Resin walked around the castle about five times to make sure she was in control of herself before she made her way to the gardens. Munroe was different than any type of person she had previously met. He couldn't be fooled with the usual facade. She needed to be sure that she was absolutely in control of herself when she saw him. If not, she knew there was a great chance of her not achieving what she was setting out to do. She must tell him she can never see him again.
She arrived in the gardens and immediately spied him across the way, sitting cross-legged under the shade of an apple tree, his head bowed low and his thumbs twiddling. She took one step on the crunchy gravel and immediately his head flew up, and he smiled as he saw it was her coming towards him. Resin looked at her feet and suddenly realized how hard this would be. She shuffled off towards him, and he stood up, taking a step so he was looking down on her.
"How are you feeling?" he said, and Resin took a deep breath, and nodded, avoiding his gaze.
"Fine," she put, "I'm fine." Munroe looked into her eyes and saw they were lying, so he came over to her and put his arms around her, allowing her head to rest against his chest. His body was warm and comforting, but Resin had a purpose, and she frigidly pushed him away from her. "Munroe, stop it." he looked at her, his eyes hurt, but still inquisitive. "I can't keep being around you Munroe. It's not right."
"How is it not right? I mean, I realize that our Kingdoms want to kill each other, but as a Shadow, you being with me shouldn't be upsetting anyone." he stated. Resin looked at him, incredulous.
"Well that's the problem. It is creating unrest. The Kingdom is disapproving of my 'relationship' with you." she quoted 'relationship' with her fingers. Munroe's eyes narrowed.
"If by kingdom you mean Princess Aulda, then I'll believe you." Resin looked away. "I would have thought you'd have figured out by now it's difficult to lie to me, Resin." his voice was icy and disapproving, and Resin's heart began to ache when she realized that she might be losing the one man who cared about her. She couldn't bear to see him leave hating her. It would tear her apart.
"Look," she told him, "there are some things about my life that I'll have trouble sharing because when I share them," she took a deep breath and lifted her arms up, throwing them down to her sides, "then it means I'm..... not managing it. It means that I'm dependent on you and tied to you. And the bane of my... EXISTENCE is that I'll never be independent. Not ever." She was agitated, and breathing heavier that she should have been. Munroe looked at her with a new sympathy and understanding in his dark green eyes.
"No it doesn't." he countered. "Telling me your problems won't do anything but help you. And when I'm gone, you could just go back to dealing with it the way you have before." Resin fingered the scars on her waist as she realized that her way of managing wasn't healthy. And if she got even a taste of the utopia of a caring individual, when he left her life would be hell. And she would have to cut deeper and deadlier just to forget about him. She wasn't sure she would survive it.
"I'm not going to tell you," said Resin, her voice quiet but absolute and in this announcement. Munroe nodded.
"Understandable," he said, his voice even. "You don't have to tell me what happened, but at least tell me how you feel. Better than before?" he referred to her minor lapse in the meadow earlier, when she had turned frightened as a hunted animal in all her anxiety. Resin looked past him towards the apple tree and then took his hand, leading him to the trunk and sitting down, pulling him with her. She thought about the question in her mind. Telling him her emotions voluntarily would mean she was not managing them. But he had asked her a specific question, and there was no use lying to him. She turned towards him and looked at him, suddenly captured by the warmness in his posture and facial expression, the caring glint in his eye.
"Yes," she responded, "better than before, but still not great." again he nodded, then he turned to her, his eyes syrupy with trust.
"Do you know what I do when I am upset?" he questioned,
"I'm not upset," she replied defensively. Munroe rolled his eyes.
"Of course you're not."
"I'm not!" she replied, infuriated.
"Either way," Munroe replied, to end the feud, "Do you know what I would do if I were angry, or sad, or uncertain all together of how I felt?" he asked her, Resin looked at him, slightly uninterested and tired, but still wanting to hear the sound of his voice.
"What did you do?" she asked,
"I would find a group of soldiers and order them to fight me." he said. Resin looked at him, now more intrigued. "And I would always get terribly beat and bruised when I was a child, but when I grew older and better at fighting back, I was the one that beat them." he explained. "And some days I would have to fight multiple groups of soldiers in a row in able to feel relieved and refreshed. Fighting is my stress reliever," he revealed, and turned his green eyes to her steely blue ones. "What's yours?" The image of a burning candle flashed in her mind, but Resin realized that it only helped her for a short period of time. It only suppressed her depression for a little while. But then it would come flooding back, and she would do it again. No, these self-inflicted wounds were not her stress-reliever.
"When I was younger," she started, "and just started to realize how much of a pain Aulda was, I would go to the library and read for days at a time, just so that I didn't have to see her." she checked to see if Munroe was listening, and he was, his bronze face close and intent. Resin smiled. "So in a way, the library became almost a home. But it was the place itself, not the books. Most of the books I never really enjoyed that much." Munroe laughed, and stood up.
"Then that is what we shall do while I'm here," he said, offering his hand and pulling her up with him, she stumbled almost onto his chest "We shall find your stress-reliever." He beamed at her, and Resin's legs went weak and her chest became lighter. He was so close to her, and his eyes were became dark as his smile faded, and another look replaced it. He was a head taller than her and he was looking down at her, his bronze face perfect, and Resin's heart began to pump faster than it had ever before. He leaned in closer to her, slowly, his perfect lips reaching towards her as he cupped her shoulders. Resin closed her eyes.
Her eyes still closed, she heard something snap, and suddenly, Munroe had sprung away from her, looking around, his eyes manic until they settled on the rabbit that had broken a stick about five yards away from them. He straightened up and rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment, laughing a little to himself. Resin joined him, but the laughter was not real. Her body was still tingling with the remnants of the incomplete moment that had just passed. And she wished that she could go back to that moment and somehow made sure the rabbit hadn't disrupted anything. To just of felt his lips upon hers. But no, her life never turned in the direction she wanted it to, and the magic had faded from that moment, leaving nothing but emptiness in Resin's heart. Munroe too had felt that the magic had left, and so he spoke to soothe the awkwardness.
"The sun is starting to set," he stated, "And if I don't get back soon my soldiers will all be wondering where I had wandered off to." Resin nodded, and then remembered she had been banished from her bedroom that night, and that she must find a new place to sleep. But then an idea struck her that was so outlandish, so bold, and so perfect she didn't know if she had the audacity to ask it. But then she looked again at Munroe's face and found herself speaking.
"Munroe.... I was wondering.... vidge, I can't believe I'm asking this, but I was wondering.... because I don't actually have anywhere to sleep tonight.... because of, well, I'm not telling you.... but I was wondering, if it would be too much trouble for me... to , uh, request that I.."
"Yes," Munroe said, cutting her off and grabbing her hands, "You can stay at my camp tonight." His entire face was lit as he said this, and Resin felt her cheeks grow pink.
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