Jealousy Relationship: The Question is Why?

For you this is starting to get old. You just finished one of those long drawn out absolutely pointless arguments that you seem to have with your date on a regular basis. In the beginning this never happened. Those were the good old days as far as you are concerned.

But that time has passed. Now you can't take two steps without getting into a dispute. The first time it happened was when you started talking about a friend of yours who happens to be of the opposite sex. It’s not like you have seen this friend recently, in fact it’s been quite awhile. But you did talk on the phone to each other and they told you a pretty funny story. You thought it was so funny that you would share it with your dating partner.

Big mistake. You could barely finish the story because you were laughing so hard from telling it. Your date didn't see the humor in it because they could not get past the part about you having a friend of the opposite sex.

There mood grew darker and before you know it you were being questioned. No strike that. More like ruthlessly cross examined under oath. When and where did you first meet your friend, how often are the two of you in contact, describe everything down to the most minor of details your previous conversations. And so it went to the point you wanted to sign a written confession just to get it over with. What you were confessing to is unclear. What is clear is that your dating partner is one jealous character.

The question is why? It's not like you have ever given them reason or cause. So what you have friends of the opposite sex? You should. After all you have known many of these people for a long time and they have stood by you through thick and thin. Your dating partner should be happy that you have friends who have remained loyal and close to you. Yet these people have always maintained the proper decorum and respect regarding any of your prior relationships.

So what's the answer? There is no hard and fast one size fits all response but there are several possibilities.

1. The Burning

Previous bad relationships can leave a mark especially if your dating partner had invested so much of themselves to make it work. It could be that their ex told them over and over how much they loved them only to find out it was all a lie. Your date discovered their ex was cheating on them. When they confronted their ex about it all they got for their troubles were humiliation and a broken heart. Depending on how bad the burn an earlier rotten relationship can make anyone a little paranoid about the current one.

2. The Gloom

At times a the laughter and fun you two share may be off the charts but on more than one occasion you have caught sight of your dating partner looking miserable and dejected. You ask them what's wrong but all they keep saying is nothing.

There maybe some serious unhappiness lurking in the shadows that they have not dealt with. It could be from the prior dating relationships but the odds are it runs a lot deeper than that. Problems that started years ago which should at least been dealt with have been left to fester.

3. The Insecure

Okay you are a great catch. You know it and they know it. But at times they act like they just don't believe it. Like you are just too good to be true and while they want to hang on to the relationship somewhere inside they don't believe they are good enough.

Insecurity (which comes under the heading of low self esteem) can play some serious mind games with anyone affected by it. You want what you want and when you get it here come the self doubt police reminding you constantly that you don't deserve it because you are a bad person or some other such nonsense. Insecurity is a great saboteur when it comes to relationships.

If you want to make this relationship work it is going to be necessary to do a little cross examining of your own to find out what is at the root of their jealousy. Be gentle with them but be relentless. If you have to suggest they get professional help so be it. Jealousy left unchecked can easily spill out of control and burn up everything in its path. Including you.

Article written by Daryl Campbell at The Relationship Tip. If you want to stay in the current relationship then you have to find out how to handle jealousy.