It's Time To Come Out Of The Dark

The wound on my wrist now four days old
Has now stopped bleeding
It still throbs in pain
A knock to the wrist really does hurt
Lifting boxes and grabbing items at work still hurts
Sometimes I cry from the amount of pain

Tomorrow I plan to tell mum
Sometime before I go to work
Before it’s too late
How will she take it?
I have hidden this in the dark
Now it’s time to bring it into the light
To tell my mum how I feel

Will she ground me for what I have done?
Will she yell at me?
These are the least of my worries
I am more worried that she will say
That she doesn’t want me around
For I am not her real daughter
Only another foster child
One with many problems
Too many for me to work out

The pain feels as though it will never leave
It will be another scar
Another scar that will be there for years to come
I still wonder in my mind
Why didn’t I cut deeper?
Deeper right into the vain
It might have killed me
But I don’t think it matters

For the past day I have thought about life
Ignoring the pain I feel inside
Maybe if I keep pretending I am happy
Then maybe I will really be happy one day

Mother how to tell her
How to explain the hurt inside
How to tell why cut
How to hide that I am afraid to tell her
Will she hate me?
Or will she still love me

But this cut the deepest I have ever cut
The pain half way from ten
I hide the throbbing pain while at work
But instead of smiling I become cranky
Because it hurts so much

Another thought should I tell my friends
The way I feel
Only seven of my friends know that I cut
But only one knows the deepest I have gone
But the thing I never really noticed that
All seven of my friends that know
Are those of whom, once did cut and two that still do

I feel sorry for them
Having to put up with me and my pain
When they have been through this all themselves
I feel sorry that I have brought back a lot of memories for them
I should have never told any of them
But then again if I didn’t I wouldn’t be here today

But still tomorrow is almost here
Tomorrow is when I tell my mum
How she will take it I do not know
For they are the reasons I am afraid

Pain throbbing throughout my wrist
The bleeding may have stopped but it still hurts
But I was the idiot who elf inflicted
So I am the one having to live with the consequences
Well I am the idiot so
Yeah to end it all up I am afraid
For mum will soon know
How is she going to take it?