It's Life - Chapter Nine

Sakari’s POV

"Sakari, wake up!" Nate whispered, shaking me. I slowly slid my eyes open and sighed.

Abbie was standing outside the car, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet, anxious to get inside, so she could grill me for details. I slid over across the seat and let Nate help me out. I glared at Abbie until she finally got the hint and headed for the front door. "I had fun tonight Sakari." Nate said, and I could see a faint blush spread across his face in the light pouring from the small light above the door.

I smiled. "I did too." I leaned forward and kissed him, pulling back before too long. "See you later."

"Goodnight." He whispered before getting back in the car, where the others in it were waiting to take him home. I followed Abbie to the door and as we walked in, Aunt Beth practically pounced on us. "How was the dance?"

"Nate kissed Sakari!" Abbie blurted out, a huge smile spreading across her face. Beth’s mouth dropped open.

"I knew it! I just knew you two would get together."

I sighed, loudly. "Thanks Abbie." But I couldn’t help the giddy feeling that spread over me as Beth grabbed a bag of chips and herded us to my room. We spent most of the night going over every detail until we fell asleep, still dressed, sprawled on my bed with crumbs everywhere.

Beth woke us up Saturday around noon, bursting with happiness. "Guess what!" She shrieked happily. I squinted in the bright sunlight when she pulled my curtains open and I sat up sleepily. Abbie was on the floor, with the blankets wrapped around her. She’d probably fallen out of bed and not even noticed. That wouldn’t be the first time it had happened.

"What?"

"You’re going to be able to spend a day down with Nadia during break. Monday actually, I hope that’s okay. I called her today, Nadia’s mom I mean, to let them know how you’re doing. And she suggested that you go visit them. Nadia is really missing you. And it just so happens that Lucas has a business thing on Monday which makes him drive past there, which means you can go with him and spend the day there."

That woke me up completely. "Oh my gosh! I can’t believe it! Are you serious?" I jumped up, my huge skirt rustling as I dove to hug Beth. "That’s amazing!"

She just grinned. "Now, you and Abbie get dressed and clean up those chip crumbs while I get a late breakfast ready." There was a twinkle in her eye as she left the room.

Abbie had relatives coming over the entire week, so we wouldn’t have been able to hang out anyway and she said she didn’t mind me being gone. She still grilled me for details on who Nadia was exactly. Then of course, she had to ask if Nadia had any cute brothers, to which I had to say that no, Nadia was an only child.

That didn’t stop Abbie’s questions though, but I tuned her out, pretending to be busy making the bed. I knew I’d have to answers her questions eventually.

So on Monday morning, around ten, Nadia opened the front door and tackled me when she saw me. "I missed you Sakari!" She shouted, loud enough to get a neighbor’s dog yapping like crazy. I hugged her and smiled.

"I missed you more. Did you punch anymore kids while I was gone?"

She giggled. "Um, no not exactly… but I did kick a kid in the shin, and I got in trouble for it. I had to miss recess for three days."

"Nadia!" I couldn’t help but laugh though, and we sat down in her hot pink bedroom, chattering about silly things until her mom came in with cookies and milk. After we scarfed down the food, Nadia convinced me into taking her for a walk.

We bundled up because it was getting chilly out and then started walking down the road. We made sure to head in the opposite direction of where my house was, so we were walking towards the school. "Where does Damien live?" Nadia asked, sliding her pink mitten hand into mine.

"A few houses down past the school. Why?" I answered, guessing what her answer would be.

"Well," She started slowly, dragging out the word, "We could go visit him…."
I didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Did I want to see Damien? Would that be a good idea?

"Um…" I couldn’t think of anything to say. "I uh, don’t think that would be a great idea. I mean, we don’t want to just drop in on him. Right? That would be rude." I couldn’t bring myself to say that I didn’t exactly want to see him. Nadia didn’t know that I’d freaked out on him.

"Oh come on Sakari, you like him! Or at least liked him. How could it be that bad to just go say hi?"

I scowled at her then smiled and chuckled. "Fine. I guess. You sure are an annoying little kid." But I stuck my tongue out and let her know I was teasing.

"It’s true." She said with a grin. "I’m annoying and pre-tistent."

I had to think about that for a minute. Pre-tistent... I laughed when I finally got it. "You mean persistent?"

"Whatever!" She giggled. "It’s what my teachers call me sometimes when I won’t stop bugging them."

So we continued down the road until Damien’s house came into view. My heart was pounding crazily, making me sort of regret coming. It’d be nice to see him again, but… I’d kinda left on a bad note… maybe seeing him would be bad. Someone came out of his house and I pulled Nadia to the side of the road into the trees. "Shh!" I said, staring intently at the two people.

"Sakari that’s Damien!" Nadia whispered loudly. "And OH MY GOSH! That’s a girl!" She looked up at me, her green eyes wide.

"I knew coming here would be a bad idea!" I muttered back.

"Maybe it’s his cousin or something." Yeah, maybe, except he just kissed her. I tried not to let it get to me. After all, I had kissed Nate. Still, it did hurt a little bit.

"Definitely not a cousin. Come on let’s go back." We stayed in the woods until were far enough away, then got back on the road. Nadia was unusually quiet. "Why so quiet?"

"It’s my fault, you saw that. You were right. It was a bad idea." We’d reached her house and were in the entry, taking off the jackets, scarves and mittens.

"No, it wasn’t your fault. It would have been a good idea. You didn’t know he’d moved on. And it’s okay. I broke up with him before I left anyway. It’s only right that he’s moved on. I guess I have too." I mean, come on. How could I seriously be upset with him when I was practically doing the same thing with Nate?

"You mean there’s another boy!" Her eyes lit up and she dragged me into the living room. "Tell me!" For being so young she was overly boy crazy, but I kept her happy by explaining Nate to her.

I ended it by saying, "But I don’t think it’s going to work out… See, we kissed at that dance I was telling you about, and we haven’t talked to each other since. I’m kind of afraid it may have ruined our friendship." Seeing her appalled expression, I quickly added, "But I’ll talk to him soon. Maybe I’m just making too big a deal of it all." She seemed pleased by that and hugged me.

"Just make sure you do talk to him. I want you to be happy. Sakari, today was fun. I missed you when you were gone." She whispered, still hugging me tightly. "Like, really, really missed you."

"Aww, sweetie, I missed you too." I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and sat down, taking Nadia with me. "And now, thanks to Beth, I’m only a phone call away. Get me a piece of paper." She did, grabbing a pen too, and I scribbled my number down for her. "Here you go. Now you can call me when you miss me. Just not while I’m in school, or late at night when I might be sleeping. Unless it’s an emergency, then you can call me no matter what time it is. Okay?"

I heard a knock on the door. It was probably Uncle Lucas. It was hard to believe the day was already ending. "I don’t want you to go." Nadia said, hugging me again.

I hugged her back, tightening my grip, then kissed her forehead. "Call me whenever you need me okay?" It was strange how quickly she’d become like a little sister to me.

"L.Y.L.A.S." She said, a small smile on her face.

"And what’s that supposed to mean?" I hadn’t heard that before.

Her smile wavered slightly as she whispered, "Love you like a sister. You’re like the big sister I don’t have but want."

That almost made me cry. "Aww… well L.Y.L.A.S. to you too. You’re like the little sister I always wanted but didn’t have, until now." I hugged her again as her mom came in.

"Your uncle’s here."

"Thanks so much for letting me spend the day here. I missed you both so much."

"We were glad to have you." She told me, pulling me into a hug.

I got into the car, ready for the long drive home. Today had been fun… I was a little upset that Damien seemed to get over me so fast, but hey, maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe it’s just life. I had to keep reminding myself that I had kissed Nate too… But it seemed worse seeing him kiss that girl… ugh. I kissed Nate. Besides we broke up. It’s only fair that he moved on. Just like I was.

I chatted happily with Lucas for a little while, before we ran out of things to say. So the radio came on and we sat in comfortable silence for the rest of the trip.

Aunt Beth wanted to know everything as soon as I walked in the door. So we spent the rest of the evening talking together. She ‘aawed’ when I told her how much Nadia had missed me, and when I finally told her that I’d seen Damien with another girl she hugged me, and listened to me complain, dissing him when I finished, making me smile. She always understood, and knew exactly how to make me feel better.

Tuesday passed, then most of Wednesday. Then it was Wednesday night and I was lying in bed thinking. Tomorrow would be amazing. Probably the best Thanksgiving ever. With a pang of heart-wrenching realization, I remembered that it’d also be the first Thanksgiving without dad. I curled up, thinking of him, letting tears stream silently down my cheeks. I took shallow breaths, trying to be quiet. Everyone else was probably just falling asleep and I didn’t want to wake anyone up.

I got up, walking slowly to the bureau. The towels were still under the bed where I’d shoved them. I took the bag and found the razor blade. I sat down, putting the towel under my arm and held the razor blade over my arm. I stayed like that, not cutting into my arm just yet… I took a deep breath and with my free hand, wiped my tears. I sniffled as I pressed the blade down. It started stinging immediately and I welcomed the physical pain. It ate away at the emotional pain and I cut my arm a few more times, until only the physical pain was left.

I cleaned it up, bandaged it and fell back into bed, already starting to regret doing it.
Tomorrow would be a happy day. I wouldn’t let anything ruin it. Dad would want me to be happy here. Right? I wasn’t crying as hard as before now, but I couldn’t help the few tears that slid down my cheeks.

A few times Beth had come in, having heard me crying and I was always embarrassed when it happened. Counseling was teaching me that everyone grieved in different ways and apparently I kept it all inside, by pushing past it, striving for happy things to live on, and it would all come out by some small thing that triggered memories. But I was slowly getting better. Things like lasagna didn’t bother me as much and I could get through most days without too many sad moments.

Jenna, one of the counselors, told me that letting it all out during sad moments was good. She also said that holidays are a hard time for grievers, that just the thought of being happy on days like those, bring back harsh memories of past holidays, ones spent with the deceased loved one, or ones.

"Try to keep your spirits up." She’d told us. "You deserve to be happy. It’s what they would want." She was referring, of course, to the people we’d lost. Jenna was my favorite counselor. She was younger than the others and tried harder to connect. We learned one day that she’d lost her mom when she was really young. And that going to counseling had made her want to become a counselor, so she could help others.

It’s strange, the things you learn from people, just sitting in a room and listening. I still hadn’t told anyone about my loss… I was planning on maybe talking about in the next meeting. Jenna kept trying her hardest to get me to open up. With those thoughts bouncing through my head it was hard to sleep, but I finally did, pulling the covers tighter one last time before drifting away.

I woke to the sound of Beth bustling around the kitchen, getting ready for the day. I got dressed quickly, hoping I’d be able to help her.

"Absolutely." She said when I asked. "I need all the help I can get. Caleb and Lucas will just sit on the couch stuffing their faces with potato chips and cream cheese or some sort of chip dip. Making the turkey alone is hard enough but then there’s the squash and stuffing and dinner rolls, and other vegetables. It’s such a big job to do alone. The only good thing is we can guilt the guys into the dishes."

I grinned and we started cooking. It was fun. Beth kept up a steady stream of chatter as we moved around the kitchen, working on different things. She had me making pie crusts. It was a tradition of some sort to make sure everyone got their favorite pie. Which meant that Caleb’s favorite cherry cheesecake had to be made, along with an apple pie for Lucas, blueberry for me, and then a lemon meringue for Aunt Beth. The cherry cheesecake needed a graham cracker crust, which Beth insisted was a hard recipe that had to be done just right, leaving me to make the other three crusts.

Cooking came easily to me, and I had fun with it. Eventually the pies were ready, sitting on the counter waiting for the turkey to be done so they could cook. Caleb wondered in, took one look at the mess on the counters, raised an eyebrow and reached for a bag of chips. "Mom, where’s the cream cheese?"

Beth looked at me and cocked her head, as if to say, "See? I told you!" I chuckled and pointed to the fridge. "Where else?"

He rolled his eyes as he walked past me to get to the fridge. "You guys made a big mess."

Beth just laughed and turned away. There was no way we were telling him who would be doing the dishes… Not yet anyway. It wasn’t until around 3:00 that the turkey was finally done and we gathered around the table. "Before you guys can eat, I want us all to say what we’re thankful for." Aunt Beth said, sitting down. "I’ll start. I’m thankful that I didn’t burn the turkey this year." We all laughed and she smiled. "And I’m thankful for all of you."

She turned to Caleb. "Okay, I’m thankful for the food." After a nudge from Beth he continued. "Okay, okay… I’m thankful that Sakari’s here. It’s nice having a sort of ‘younger sister’ around."

"Psh, I’m barely two months younger than you are!" I said, making a face at him. But inside I was glowing. It was nice, knowing Caleb didn’t mind having me around.

"You try to come up with something better than."

"Fine." I said with a grin. "I’m thankful for Aunt Beth and Uncle Lucas, for taking me in and making me feel at home here. I’m thankful for the amazing friends I’ve made. And," with a side glance at Caleb I added, "I’m thankful for my sort of ‘older brother’." I saw him suppress a smile, turning into a smirk and it moved on to Lucas.

He said something about food and tv and Beth hit him until he said he was thankful for his beautiful, amazing wife, and she blushed and then told him to cut the turkey. We all ate until we were way too full to take even the smallest of bites, and then Caleb and Lucas got up to go watch the football game.

"Oh Lucas?" Beth called out, looking at me with a small smile. "You and Caleb get to clean up." Both of them spun around, facing us with priceless looks on their faces.

"Y-you’re kidding right?" Caleb questioned, taking a tiny step backwards, as if he could sneak into the living room.

"Nope. Me and Sakari did all the work. And, if you don’t, then me and Sakari will just have to eat all the pies ourselves."

Lucas’ mouth dropped open and he stood there for a few seconds before sighing loudly. "Let’s get this over with." He said to Caleb, heading towards the kitchen.

"Dad! You’re giving in? That easily?"

"I want my pie." Lucas replied simply and I stifled a laugh.

Beth grinned. "I don’t think there’s anything Lucas wouldn’t do to get his pie…" We left them, pouting, in the kitchen, staring at our mess while we sat down in the living room, taking our turn to relax on the couch with chips and dip.

The rest of the day passed and we went to bed, stuffed full of turkey, stuffing, pies and chips, among other things. I’d been right. Today had been great… I was part of the family now, and I loved the feeling of being loved.

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Comment Replies:

Jordie - Thanks so much and nope, Abbie was a bit preoccupied but later on you'll find out that someone did in fact notice her scars. You'll just have to wait to see who it is hehe. Thanks for commenting!!

Brianna - Oh thank you! I know I wasn't too good at first haha, I was re-reading some of my old stuff and was like, "Wow this really isn't all that good." I've actually thought of going over and editing my old stuff to make it better haha. I'm so glad you've read my stuff and think I'm getting better! And thank you so much for that awesome compliment! I can't believe you think I'm the best author on here! And you seriously waited for your presents until you read chapter eight? Oh my gosh! Oh and you and my little sister have the same birthday haha. Thank you so much and I apologize for the long wait. I spent some time at my dad's house and it's so rowdy there that I don't get much time to write. Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter. Thank you so much.

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Isha - Thank you so much! And I'm so sorry for the long wait, I haven't had much time to write lately! I hope you liked the chapter!