It Could Be Him 9

It’s the 28th January and it’s Cam’s 26th birthday today. I’ve not seen or talked to him since our argument on my front door step. I’ve seen her though. Evil cow. She’s stolen my best friend who is blinded by her beauty. Looks like an angel, acts like a devil. Sorry, THE devil. I swear she could get away with murder if she flicked her blonde hair in the direction of the jury. See, I'm blonde and I still wouldn't get the attention or the innocence she fakes to win people over.

I’ve lost some weight since slapping her though; 10lbs. Not through trying. It just seems to have gone. I keep foregetting to eat. I've been really busy over the past few weeks. After my week off, I was straight back into work and haven't stopped.

But today is Cameron's birthday and I want to see him. I really want to see him. No matter how immensely annoyed at him I am, I miss him. But it’s impossible to see him without Madison. So instead I’m going to celebrate his birthday looking at past photos and letters between us in my memories box. I started a memories box when I was about ten and filed it up with little memorabilia items to remind me of that day and what we were doing. Since I was 18, the box has been taken over by Cameron and me with everything we have done together. I love looking back on it and remembering the good times. They always seem to lift my spirits.

‘Hello? Gracie, are you in?’ I hear the husky tones of Zoe’s voice enter my apartment.

I open the door and there stands Zoe looking effortlessly gorgeous. ‘Can I come in?’ She grins.

‘Yes, of course. What are you doing here though?’

‘I could ask you the same thing. It’s 5pm. Are you not going to Cam’s party? You know it’s his birthday don’t you?’ She says this as more of statement rather than a question. ‘I was surprised not to find you there helping set up.’

I shrug and go back to the living room.

‘You’re looking slimmer, Gracie.’

‘Thanks. Can I get you anything to drink?’

‘No, I’m fine thanks. So are you coming?’

‘No, Zo.’

‘Why not?’

‘Well we ended on a row and he told me to f-off. We’ve not talked since what I did to Madison. She seems to be central in everything at the moment.’

‘Oh it freaks me out. She’s younger than me. I was like, Cam you perve!’ She giggles and sits cosily on my sofa and picks up the photos I was looking at, ‘Oh how cute! Look at you two in your gowns!’

She shows me the picture and we’re in our gowns collecting our degrees. Cam looks so young there, his hair shorter then but still with a beaming smile. ‘I asked Cam where you were when I arrived and he said he didn’t know and that you two had fallen out and you two NEVER fall out. He said he feels awful for swearing at you, I told him too bloody right and that you don’t deserve that and that he doesn’t deserve you. He also said he’s not spoken since you slapped Madison.’ She grins. ‘He misses you. I can tell it in his miserable face. When I came in I think he thought it was going to be you, but his smile dropped. He’s hopeless without you. You’re like his other half that makes him.’

‘No he’s happy with Madison.’

‘But she’s horrendous! I'd happily slap her too. She's so irritating and she was just there and leaned down wearing a thong and I'm thinking, eww, you disgust me! I don't want to see that! She is nothing compared to you. You two should be together, don’t you think? Why wouldn’t you want him as your boyfriend instead of just a friend? You’re pretty perfect together. You don't see him for his looks but for his personality, unlike Madison.’

I smile.

‘I think both of your love for each other runs deeper than either of you wants to let on. I don’t think either of you view your friendship as purely platonic. I’m sure if you said to Cameron he could sleep with you, he would, not just because he’s a horny bastard, but because he loves you. Go on, tell me; are you attracted to him? I won’t be cringed out.’ She says this with a cunning smile.

I playfully whack a pillow over her head and laugh.

‘If you don’t answer I’ll take that as a yes!’ She says laughing. She laughs like Cameron. It’s a beautiful laugh full of humor and warmth.

‘Zoe, let’s not go there. He’s angry at me and we’re not on the best of terms. It’s not going to happen anyway.’

‘Would you like it to happen?’

I sigh. All seriousness then kicks in ‘You know what, every time someone asks me that, I start to believe more and more that that’s all I’ve really ever wanted.’

Shock fills up the room. Did I just say that? Zoe looks at me to continue but I say nothing.

‘Oh Gracie, you must tell him.’

‘No Zoe and don’t you dare tell him. Please don’t. It might just be a blip that I’ll get over. Please Zoe. I’m trusting you. If I tell Cameron anything, it has to be from me ok?’

‘Sure. Of course. You can trust me.’

‘I know I can.’

‘So, you fancy my brother then?’ She says with a huge smile, very excited at this prospect.

I laugh and say ‘Maybe.’

‘No maybe’s, you do!’

I look at a picture of Cam and me on holiday in Paris when we were 23 for summer. Cameron’s holding the camera as far away as he can to get a picture of us both in front of the Eiffel Tower. We look so different there. Cameron’s much more toned now and his hair is longer and my hair is different and I’m curvier then. We look so happy there. He’s so photogenic it’s ridiculous. He was scouted once but declined. It just shows you how sort after he is.

‘Maybe.’

She pulls me into a hug and says ‘Will you tell him then?’

‘Not yet, no, and neither will you. I said maybe, not definitely yes. We may be suited better as best friends, you never know. Just let me think it all through and you say nothing, ok? I mean it, Zoe. Not.A.Word.’

‘Well I think you two are made for each other.’

I grin and look at her photo ‘You’re just a hopeless romantic who loves a complicated love story.’

She laughs ‘Of course! Ben and I are pretty normal so this is all exciting.’

‘Well I’m glad my troubled life amuses you.’

‘But in all seriousness, you should tell him.’

‘I’ll see.’

‘It’s your call, but Cameron is blind. He won’t know what he’s missing out on. He’s not one for looking at things deeply.’

I smile and think of him ‘Bless him.’ I miss him. Despite everything that he does that drives me crazy, I really miss him. I just want to see his wild curly hair and twinkling smile again. I want to hear him laugh and tell me ridiculous jokes again. I want to hear him complain about pointless stuff. I want him to tickle me until I give in. I want everything about him back.

But life is never that simple.

Never.

CAMERON’S P.O.V

‘Where have you been?’

‘To see the best friend you’ve ruthlessly forgotten about since Madison.’ Zoe snipes back.

‘You saw Gracie?’

‘Yes, funny thing I had to do, I got off my arse and walked there, rang the door bell and lo and behold, there she was!’

Zoe’s sarcasm doesn’t amuse me. ‘Is she coming?’

‘No and I don’t blame her.’

‘Honey, come on. Oh Zoe, you’re back.’ Madison says from behind.

Zoe glares at her and walks through.

‘Did she say anything? I ask Zoe, following her into the kitchen.

‘Ask her yourself, or is Zoe banning you from having any real friends?’

‘Don’t be like that, Zoe.’

‘I can say what I want.’

‘You’re acting like a teenager.’

‘No no, that’s Madison for you.’

Zoe sashays off back into the living room and I’m left standing at my own party alone. What did they talk about?

I thought she would come. I wanted her to come. Birthdays are not the same without your best friend there. Especially Gracie. I’ve not seen or heard from her since what happened, and I miss her. It’s hard not seeing her or calling her up in the middle of the night for answers to questions for the kids work, but with how we ended, I’m not surprised. She hates Madison enough to slap her and I swore at her in anger. That fight was bad and we've never got that angry with each other before.

She didn’t deserve that. Not at all, but I was so frustrated and annoyed at the pair of them. Without Gracie here though, I feel quite empty, as if this isn’t a real party or birthday.

But it is.

And it’s mine.

And I want her here, but she’s not.

I was tempted to call her, well I've been tempted everyday to call her up and say sorry, but I think she is really pissed off with me and Madison. I think I'm also putting off calling her because I'm scared. Yep, I'm scared. I'm scared that she is going to tell me that that's it and that she never wants to see me again. I'm scared she'll reject my apology and say so long. This way, if I don't call, then I won't find out. I won't be heartbroken when she tells me she hates me. Because after what I did, I'd hate me.

I hope she mentally knows I'm sorry. I'm praying she does because I am deeply sorry.

Madison wanders over to me and kisses me passionately which puts me in a better mood. ‘Why the long face, pumpkin?’

‘Oh, you know, thinking.’ Well maybe she doesn’t.

‘Oh, well why don’t I get you a drink and we can have a dance together?’

‘Sure.’ She takes my hand and leads me away.

I just wish Gracie was here.
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P.S. If anyone has any good, original, unique ideas as to how Cameron should realize he likes Gracie, that's if he does at all, please do tell me! I don't really want to add another man in, so anything except that. Thanks! Hope you liked and please comment.