It Could Be Him 11

Today is March 1st and I’m meeting Cameron today after work. Even though it’s a Monday, he decided to skip his staff meeting to meet me. We arranged it last week and we’ve been talking a lot more now. We’ve got over the previous argument and are somewhat back to how we use to be talking wise. I’ve not seen him since the 14th of Feb but we’ve talked. We’ve talked for ages about random rubbish but I’ve not said anything regarding my feelings. It’s horrible though. I feel like every time we speak I’m being crushed by not being able to tell him or even ask him if he feels the same way. I don’t know if he does. Everyone else seems to think so, but I’m not sure. I can usually read Cameron like a book but when it comes to relationships and feelings, I’m stumped.

I’m busy prepping my models for this morning show when Luella comes in looking pale ‘What’s wrong? Are you ok?’

‘Are you ok?’ She asked me in s tone of concern

‘Me? Course, you don’t look ok though.’

‘Do you know?’ Is she speaking in riddles?

‘Know what?’

Luella takes my hand and leads me into the corridor when I hear a high pitched voice of Madison’s say ‘Can you believe it? I’M ENGAGED!’

Oh my God.

I look at Luella and wrench.

Cameron did not say ANYTHING about getting engaged when I talked o him a few says ago. Is she being serious? Is it April 1st? It must be. It must be April fool’s day, of course, they wouldn’t get engaged. Of course they wouldn’t.

But they have. I can see her ring glittering in my eye. Stinging it with it’s shine.

They’re engaged.

How could he?

How fucking could he?

I walk back into my room and Luella says ‘Did he tell you?’

I shake my head. ‘I’m going home.’

‘Are you sure you’ll be ok? Don’t do anything stupid, Gracie.’

‘But what’s the point, Lu? What is the point if nothing ever works out for me? I’ve always played by the rules and look at where that’s got me!’

‘Seriously Gracie, don’t do anything stupid.’

I grab my bag and leave through the back door to avoid the hollering screams of Madison and her new group of friends cooing over her ring.

I wander around until the end of Cameron’s school day. I’m meeting him here, we were going to meet at a cafe, but there’s really no point, it isn’t going to be a sit down discussion. I am going to badger him until he explains this whole damn situation with Madison to me, because I just don’t get it.

As I approach where his class are leaving, some of the children spot me and tell Cameron I’m here. I use to come here at least once a week and I’ve even helped in his class on some days. They are really cute kids, bless them. When Cameron looks up, he looks at me sheepishly. He knows that I know.

‘Gracie, hey.’

The kids look between us and some children say ‘Mr Maxwell, I can see.’

‘Ok Bryony, off you go.’

‘MR MAXWELL! I CAN SEE!’

‘Ok Daniel, no need to scream.’

I stand next to Cameron and when they finally all leave, I just look at him.

‘So when were you going to tell me you were going to propose?’

He walks back over to his class room with me and he says ‘Never. She proposed to me, you know, 29th February, a leap year. I didn’t know.’

My jaw drops.

She actually is desperate to have him, so much so SHE proposed to HIM! I don’t know if it’s laughable or really sad.

‘But she had a ring.’

He nods ‘We went out after she proposed to get her a ring.’

‘Are you being serious?’

‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

‘When and where did she propose?’

‘At a restaurant.’

‘Why didn’t you say no?’ Well that was a bit blunt.

He smiles at this but I look at him in disbelief. ‘You’ve never wanted to get married or settle down though. Cameron, it’s been only been five months! You can’t marry her. You don’t even know her!’

‘Yes I do.’

‘No you don’t. Cam, she is awful, how could you want to marry such a shallow, manipulative, rude, selfish, disagreeable, vulgar, conniving, greedy, lustful bitch?’

We arrive at his classroom and he sighs ‘Why can’t you just be happy for me?’

‘Because she is not what love and marriage is about. For God’s sake, Cam, wake up. Do you even love her?’

‘I think we could work, Gracie, five months is way over my record, that’s got to mean something.’

‘Please Cameron, I can’t believe you are going to marry her, even if I and everyone else disapproves.’

‘You two got off to a rocky start.’

‘It’s not just me! Zoe doesn’t like her as well. And I’m sure Hannah doesn’t. Cameron, if you marry her, it will be the end of us.’

He turns around and sits on one of the tables and says ‘Please Gracie, this is a big step in my life and I want you to celebrate it with me.’

‘Cameron, I swear I am going to cry soon, you can’t marry her, she is horrible. She hates me and would happily stab me in the back to win you over.’ I walk across the classroom to the windows for some fresh air and feel sick. ‘How can you like someone like her?’

‘Will you stop trying to pick a fight over her? So what I’m getting married, it’s not the end of the world.’ For you, it might not be. For me is another question.

‘Why do you want to marry her? Explain it to me, because I’m having trouble understanding what she’s got that any other girl hasn’t.’

Cameron looks at me and sighs ‘She loves me, Gracie; no other girlfriend has loved me and she does. She’s different. She really cares for me, unbelievably so.’

‘Do you love her?’

He shrugs.

‘No Cameron, yes or no.’

‘Gracie, come on, this time is meant to be about us and not about Madison.’

‘But don’t you see, when you marry her, I will not be here because of her.’

‘Why not?’ He says hurriedly ‘You have to be. Gracie, you’re my best friend, you have to be in my life. We will still see each other.’

‘Dream on, Cameron, with Madison in the picture, I’ll be gone.’

‘No you won’t.’

He doesn’t believe me but I don’t think he realises how serious I am being.

‘Why can’t you put the past behind you and get along?’

‘Why can’t you dump her and move on?’

‘Because I don’t want to.’
‘You amaze me, Cameron. I never thought I’d lose my best friend to a bimbo bitch.’

‘You haven’t lost me.’

‘Oh the contrary.’

He grins at me but I’m not smiling ‘Seriously Cameron, she has asked you to MARRY her! Do you understand what that means? No more shags, no more women, no more to add to your running total, she’ll be expecting babies soon, she’ll take control over your life and you will be tied to her forever.’

‘I thought you were always for marriage.’

‘If you marry the right person!’

‘I know you want the best for me, Gracie, and I want the best for you, but we’re never going to be pleased with the others partner because we both feel each other can do so much better.’ Then why can’t he see that if we both think there is no one else better that can make the other happy, why are we not together?

‘Cameron, I think you’re making a mistake.’

He stretches out his hand for me to take but I leave it hanging. Just the touch of him would send me to tears. ‘Gracie, don’t worry about me.’

‘But I do.’

‘I’m going to be fine.’

There's a silence before I say ‘You’re marrying her aren’t you?’

He nods. ‘Why not?’

‘WHY! Cameron you don’t love her!’

‘So what? She loves me. She’ll try her best for me, what more could I want?’

‘I don’t know; someone who you LOVE!’

‘Let’s forget about Madison for now, ok, this afternoon is supposed to be about us.’ He grabs his brief case and says ‘Ready to go?’

‘No, I can’t. I’m sorry. I need to go.’ I walk towards the door but he pulls me back by grabbing my hand.

I look back at him and sigh and all my tears escape my eyes as he pulls me into his arms and hugs me ‘Oh babe, why the tears? Please don’t cry.’ But that makes me cry even more. I don’t think I’ve cried so much as I have done in the past month.

I wrap my arms around him and bawl on his shoulder. I’m losing him and I can’t take it. I don’t care that I’m being vulnerable. I really can’t help it.

‘Gracie, sweetheart what’s wrong? You can tell me.’ He soothes, stroking my hair yet I continue to cry. ‘Shh, shh, shh, it’s ok. I’m here. Talk to me, Gracie.’

But I can’t. I want to express my feelings of undying love for him but he’s engaged! He’s dead set on marrying Madison and doesn’t see her for what she really is and it’s heartbreaking. She is so on the ball I think they probably will end up getting married and it breaks my heart. Why did I have to start feeling this way and he doesn’t?

‘Gracie, talk to me.’

I just look at him and cry. I rest my head in the crook of his shoulder and sniffle. ‘I’m never going to see you again if you get married.’

‘Of course you will!'

‘No I’m not. However much you try and deny your angelic girlfriend, she hates me.’

He strokes the back of my neck and says ‘But I don’t.’

My heart stops beating and I look up at him. I want him to kiss me. He is mere inches away from my lips and if he leaned down and kisses me that would be it. The past would be history if he just kissed me now…but he smiles and rests his forehead against mine ‘I love you, Gracie. That’ll never change.'

He wipes my tears away with his thumb and says ‘Come on, let’s get out of here. I feel kind of naughty having such a stunner straddling me in my kid’s classroom.’ He laughs and I can’t help but laugh too.

‘See, that’s what I want to see, you laughing.’

‘I’ve not laughed in a long time.’

‘I’m not surprised; you’ve not been with me for a long time.’

I smile and look at Cameron and internally scream out for him.

How will I cope if he goes ahead and does get married?

‘So where shall we go?’ He asks.

‘I don’t mind.’

‘Be careful, you might regret saying that.’ He says with a smirk.

I really wouldn’t. If I’m with him I really couldn’t care less where we go.

‘Honestly, you choose.’

‘So be it. Now I’m going to pick you up at around 7am on Saturday morning for your birthday day with me ok?’

‘7am! Why so early?’

‘Wait and see! It’ll be fun though. Just me and you.’

‘Good. I’m glad. I think I deserve you to myself for a day.’

He laughs and pulls me close to his side ‘I feel the same way. I miss our convos. I just generally missed you.’

‘Same here. Does Madison know that you’re with me?’

He nods ‘More or less. You being a staff meeting.’ He grins and opens his car.

The more time I spend with Cameron, the more I feel sad about having to give him up to The Devil.

‘Is Starbucks ok for you?’

‘If you’re paying.’

He rolls his eyes and says ‘Go on then, you spendthrift.’ Winking back at me as he revs up the engine.

I look out the window and sigh as the radio station plays 'It's raining men.'

Oh the irony of it.
---------------------
To all the lovely people who are suggesting ideas, I am really grateful, a lot of you have amazingly creative imaginations that I would never have thought of, honestly, you amaze me! I am also so touched you care so much and want to help me! I've still not decided (I wrote this chapter ahead of time) but please don't be offended if I do not choose your idea. I honestly think any of them would be perfect, but unfortunately I can't do them all! But thank you all again and I really hope I don't disappoint you-my biggest worry! Also thank you to every other comment I have ever received by anyone who has left one. Seriously, you are way too generous and kind to be saying such complimentary things! But thanks and keep commenting! I hope you are enjoy reading any of my stories-love Phoebe.