It Could Be Him 10

*Hey all! Thanks you all SO much for all your ideas! Seriously, you all must have taken so long. Your ideas will come into play later, I've written a few chapters ahead, but then your ideas will be used. So this chapter is dedicated to the 44 commentors and esp. the ones who shared their ideas, esp. Zeviyane, you absolute sweetheart, that must have taken you so long. I don't know what idea I'll use but we'll see. Hope like and comment please!*

Today is Valentine’s day and I think I’m in mourning for Cameron. We would usually spend Valentine’s day together. He’d comfort me because I usually didn’t have someone to share it with and he would buy me flowers and chocolates to make me feel loved and happy. He never celebrated it as he’s not really romantic or into the day, but he’d celebrate it for me. He’d make me feel like I was a princess for the day.

But today I’m alone and I know why I am upset.

I love Cameron.

I’m in love with Cameron.

I’ve given it long enough to think about, analyse and try to understand my feelings, trying to rationalize them, but it all comes back to one thing-I love him. I know, I know, it could simply be jealousy that he’s not mine, but I want him as mine.

I want him.

I want my best friend back.

I want him back to make me laugh, smile and flirt with me. God, I want him to kiss me. I want him to be mine because I genuinely love him.

I can’t believe I’ve not realized this before, but having not seen him since six weeks ago, I’ve realized that if Cameron is not in my life, then there’s really no point to life. And on this day of romance, this realization makes the whole situation a whole lot harder.

I drag myself into work and everyone seems to be happy. They all have someone who loves them and I don’t. When I arrive, Luella comes in beaming with a bug bunch of red roses at her side.

‘Who are they from?’ I ask.

She smiles ‘Vince.’

‘The cute cameraman?’

She nods ‘Yes. Him. He is such an amazing guy. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this before for a guy. I literally can’t stop thinking about him.’

Jude smiles and says ‘Are you doing anything for Valentines petal?’

Out of nowhere, I start to cry. I sob and sob and sob uncontrollably. Today is affecting me more than I anticipated.

‘Oh no, Gracie, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. What’s wrong?’

He sits in the chair next to me as I continue to weep.

I can’t take it anymore.

I look at Luella and Jude and say ‘You’re right. You’ve been right all along. I am jealous because I want Cameron for myself. I’m in love with him. You’ve known it all along that I’ve felt connected to him deeper than anyone else I know. I love him. I love the stupid guy who flirts with me to cheer me up. I love the way he winks at me. I love the way how he makes me feel so alive and push my boundaries. I love that he always believes in me and appreciates what I do for him. I love the way he wrinkles his nose when he’s thinking. I love the way he says certain words. I love the way he can be so kind and generous. I love the way he holds me in his arms as I fall asleep. I love the way he always calls me babe. I love him so so much and I’ve never realized it until now.’

Luella and Jude grin at each other and Luella says ‘Well hallelujah, you’ve finally realized!’

‘Do you think he could be the One for you, petal?’ Jude asks.

I nod ‘It could be him. I’m serious now. I think he’s always been it.’

They pull me into a hug and wipe my tears and sniffles away. ‘Well darling, you know what you need to do.’

‘I know. I need to tell him.’

‘That’s our girl.’

‘But we’ve not talked for ages. I don’t think he feels the same way for me at all, or else he would have called, wouldn’t he?’

‘Gracie, you’re talking yourself out of it. Just go and see him. Tell him how you feel and you’ll feel better for it.’

‘But what if-‘

‘You’ll never enjoy life if you if and but your way through it. Go on, Gracie. You’ve finally admitted it, don’t go back now. Step up to the stand and tell him.’

‘What do you think he’ll say?’

‘Only he can tell you that, but don’t be worried. It’s Cameron, you know, your best friend. Go on Gracie, I hate seeing you like this. You’ve been so stressed recently and you’ve lost way too much weight, you need to get it off your chest and see how he feels.’

‘Do you think I’ve just made myself feel this way though?’

‘No. I don’t think so at all. I know we’ve been telling you all this time you should be together, but that’s because we see it objectively. I know you love him and don’t talk yourself out of it, because deep down, in your heart you know what he means to you.’

I smile ‘You’re right. You’re always right.’

She giggles ‘I know.’
*
As I walk back home across the park after work, I see that wild curly haired man deep in thought slouched on a park bench watching the ducks swim by.

This is fate working in my favor now.

This is it. I’m going to tell him. And it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world. Pure release leading to eternal love.

When he looks over to where I’m standing my heart beats faster as he notices it’s me and smiles. I literally run over to him and jump into his arms. He holds me tightly and we stay silent until I say ‘I’ve miss you so much, Cam.’

He nods and kisses my forehead and looks into my eyes ‘I am so sorry I shouted and swore at you, ba-, Gracie. You did not deserve that one bit.’

‘It’s ok.’

‘I’ve missed you too.’ He puts me down and rubs my back. ‘Why didn’t you come to my birthday party? I wanted you there. It wasn’t the same without you.’

I don’t answer then say ‘I’ve actually got your present in my bag.’ I’ve kept it with me ever since I bought it.

‘I hate not seeing you, Gracie, I mean, I really hate not seeing you.’ He says watching me fiddle around my bag for his present.

‘There you go.’ I say handing it to him.

He smiles and takes the single present and delicately unwraps it to reveal a vintage watch. I bought it ages ago. Cameron likes all things from the past; he believes everything has a story which must be continued, so he happily takes old things on new journeys in life. Quite sweet actually.

‘Oh Gracie, that is great. Thank you. Will you put it on?’

I nod and put the watch on and smile ‘It matches.’

He grins ‘I never thought a watch could match.’

‘Of course they can. You know, black and black, white and white, it matches.’

‘Oh right.’ He says grinning

‘Happy Valentines’ Day.’ I’m going to tell him. It’s going to be now.

‘Happy Valentine’s Day you hopeless romantic.’ He nudges me and smiles.

‘Whoever thought you’d be the one with a partner for Valentines?’

‘I know.’

‘I can’t believe it.’ I tell him honestly.

‘Neither can I, but she’s special though.’ What?

‘Really?’ I ask feeling my throat choke up. Please say no.

He nods ‘Yes.’

And then I realize I can’t tell him. I can’t ruin his happiness with her, however much I hate her. All my hopes are crushed in a single second. I feel like I will break down any minute if I open my mouth to say anything. Cameron looks at me and half smiles. ‘But you’re still my best friend, Gracie. That’ll never change.’ But I don’t believe him.

‘Pumpkin!’ That’s her. Fate actually hates me. I turn around and see Madison strutting over and I get up to leave. I then realize he’s been waiting for her all along.

‘I best go.’ I stand up but Cameron grabs my wrist and says ‘Wait Gracie, please do me one thing and keep in touch with me. Let’s meet up again, soon, really soon. It would mean a lot, I’m sorry I was so harsh to you, but forgive me ok?’

I say nothing as Madison greets Cameron. I bite my tongue to stop myself from crying in front of the loved up pair.

‘Oh Gracie, I haven’t seen you in a while. We were expecting you at Cam’s party.’ She says.

I say nothing and she grins. ‘Oh well, we better go, you know, Valentine’s day and all.’

I look at Cameron and sigh. What are the chances he ever loved me?

‘Well, see you soon, Gracie, have a lovely Valentine’s day. I’m sure we will, won’t we babe?’ She coos in his ear, kissing his neck. Babe? I think I might be sick.

‘Thanks for the watch Gracie.’ Cameron says. ‘I love it.’

Madison looks at the watch and says ‘It’s a bit rusty, but I’ll polish it for you. Bye Gracie.’

Cameron looks up at me and winks ‘See you, Gracie.’

They both walk off together and I want to run away. How can he not sense what I’m feeling? Does he not feel the same way? And why oh bloody why does he like Madison? She is beyond words to describe her.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so crap in all my life on Valentine’s Day until today. I’m watching the man I love walk off with an utter trollop who he thinks is special. Seriously, what is the point in trying?

I turn my phone on and call Luella up and say ‘I couldn’t tell him. He thinks she’s special and before I could ask why, she turned up.’ My bottom lip starts to tremble and I sigh.

‘Did you just see him?’

‘Yes, in the park. I thought it was fate, Lu, that it was meant to happen there and then but he was waiting for her.’ I wipe my eyes and walk across the road.

‘Do you want to come around?’

‘No, you’re going out on your date.’ Tears escape my eyes as I realise everyone else is moving on in their love life except me.

‘It’ll be no problem.’

‘No, I’ll be ok.’

‘Ok poppet, but if you need me, call me. He’ll realize soon enough, Gracie, I’m sure he will. Just get some time alone with him, I mean really alone, not just randomly seeing him.’

‘I don’t know if I want to.’

‘No you must, don’t go all depressive on me. You’re a strong girl, you’ll get through this and it’ll work in your favour, ok? You’re got to believe to achieve.’

I actually laugh when she says this ‘Thanks Lu, for everything.’

‘You’re welcome. I’ll see you tomorrow ok, and we’ll talk some more if you want.’

‘Yes please. See you Lu.’

I open my door to my cold, loveless house and sigh. Where’s the chocolate?

As I sit munching on my chocolate, I get a message

‘Hey G, since you missed my birthday bash, how about we celebrate your birthday together when it comes around? My treat. Not long soon until your old like me. We’ll have a good catch up, just me and you, I promise. I meant what I said; I want to see more of you. Haha, no double entendre involved unless you’re willing. Sorry about earlier on, I wanted to stay and talk for longer but Madison planned the day together. Anyway, happy valentine’s day. Love you. Cam x’

I reread the message way over fifty times and it makes me smile. He’s thinking of me. It doesn’t take long for me to reply

‘Sure. Just me and you, promise me ok? We need a good catch up. Best let you get back to her. Love you too. G xxx’

Soon enough he replies back

‘Great! I’ll call you tomorrow or something and we’ll sort it out. Three kisses, that means something, G! Lol. Cam xxxx!’

He doesn’t know how right he is with those kisses.