Isn't That What Love Is? (Chapter Two)
Read to find out the next series of events :)
"Okay, so it's a picture of you from, like, a gazillion years ago with an ex." She shrugged, picking something out of her teeth with her tongue. "What am I looking at?"
"What are you -" I got up from the table I'd been using as a chair, my finger darting like mad on the captions. "What are you looking at?! Nadine, read it carefully."
"Ava Blue, grade 10 holds hands with blah blah blah -" She stopped, succumbing to the effect. "Oh my God..." She was quiet for a while. "Is this... Is this the same...."
"Mhm," I nodded, looking down at the picture with her.
"Well, won't you look at Mr. Aussie right here! What a fine piece of -"
"Nadine! That's not the point!" I looked at her in disbelief, grabbing the yearbook away from her. "I mean, what do I do?"
Of all the people in the world, I really couldn't get past it. After re-discovering the picture last night, I couldn't get any shut eye after that. The picture dated back ten years ago, but you never forget something like this, especially when you happen to cross paths with that person again.
"What are you gonna do? You're planning to even do something about this?" She looked at me with a look of uncertainty. "I mean, I don't know, Ava. You were 15 in this picture, and you're turning 25 in three weeks. And you think there's anything left to do about this? I mean, it's normal that he's about to marry some chick and that you and him ain't a thing anymore. That was ten years ago."
"I know, I know that." I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest, leaning against the table. "And of course I didn't mean it in a 'I need to stop him from marrying someone else' kind of way. I just... it's going to be extremely awkward when I see him, now that I remember. It was weird enough when he kept staring me down yesterday.
"Well," Nadine picked up her sandwich and took a bite. "At least now you know why he kept looking at you. So he's not a freak, yay for him."
"Honestly, now that I think about it and remember everything... it comes as a deep surprise to me that he'd end up with someone like Loraline."
"Why? She's rich, I can tell he's rich too, since he exchanged at that Ross School you went to, and now they're probably some power couple right? They two fit." She said, picking up the yearbook and reading the school name before sipping on her soda.
"Oh, I forgot, it doesn't end there." I felt around my purse, pulling out a folded piece of paper. "I found a letter inside too. Read it."
She took the letter, unfolding it slowly as if it held some kind of secret. She held it out in front of her, reading aloud.
"Dear Ava, Promise me we'll see each other again, well, that already happened, alright." She added on under her breath. "As soon as I come home and fight with Dad about not wanting to take over the company, I'll make sure I get kicked out and I'll move down from Australia and go with you to art school. The time spent here was unforgettable. But the only unforgettable part was you. I'll be thinking of you always. Please wait for me. Love, C."
I laid my cheek on the desk, looking at her sideways. I remembered the first time I got that letter, I went with him to the airport the day he left for Australia. I didn't know it, but he slipped it inside the pocket on the jacket I was wearing. It's all clear to me now. I stood watching as his plane took off. Tears flooded my eyes and all I could remember was that the plane looked so fuzzy and blurry, moving across the runway and taking off as he flew further and further away from me. Then I collapsed on one of the chairs near the gate, feeling more alone than ever as I cried silently. I stuck my hand in my pocket and found the letter, then the tears doubled from there. I came home so late that night that I got in trouble, but if I didn't give a damn now, I probably hardly ever gave any damns then either.
I've only ever had about three boyfriends in the past and yes, I have gotten over the fact that this is a disappointing number. If I had to ring up ex-boyfriend number two, I would've had no words to say except maybe two, with my middle finger, that is. Boyfriend number there wouldn't even have time to talk because he would be too busy changing his and my ex-friend's baby's diaper. Yeah, it was an ugly love triangle. I had him first though, remember that. Ugh, I'm over it, whatever. But Cam... Cam was something else. Not because he was my first boyfriend, but because him and I truly, well, fell in love. We had understood each other when the rest of the world couldn't. Most of all, I picked up my first paint brush through him. He had introduced me to art. And that, I discovered, was the best gift anyone could have ever given me. Something to be passionate about, something that marked my individuality as a Blue when all they were known for was money and cunning remarks. But I was not like that and neither was Cam, that's what drew us closer.
But she was right, that had been many, many years ago. I sat up, seeing things a bit differently now. "I don't... I don't plan to do anything about it... It's just a bit crazy, you know? That's all."
"I wish you could though, the fine piece of ass will just have to go to waste -"
"Loraline's... well, she's lovely... and stable. I know the both can take care of themselves just fine. And he's not going to waste, Loraline's the only person I can stand out of everyone in my family. She's not even family so that should say something." I said, folding the letter and wedging it back into the yearbook.
"How'd you two meet in high school, anyway?" Nadine looked at me with a serious expression, tilting her head as her cheek rested on her knuckles. I thought about this for a second, trying to revive the memory. A smile formed on my face so big, I could feel my dimples sink deeply as I remembered.
"Uh... Okay, well." I couldn't start. I didn't know how to tell her that I met him because I was the freakiest out of all the freaks that even existed at that Godamn school. All private and prestigious. It was hell for me.
"Back in school, I only had one real friend. Her name was Darla and she had ridiculously long hair that always kinda hid her face... so I guess I don't really remember how she looked like. But anyway, one day, she didn't show up for school and usually we'd try to ditch during lunch or do something crazy like... well, you don't really need to know." She looked at me, her eyes suspicious as I said this.
"God, you were horrible in high school."
"Hey, I have no regrets." I lifted my palms up and shrugged. "On with the story. Well, I was alone that day and I didn't feel like being around hormonal teenage girls who got sexually aroused and boy crazy about some Aussie who just moved into town. They would crowd around him in the courtyard, totally wet off his accent and everything. It was disgusting. So I stayed behind the usual tree that me and Darla always sat under. I was smoking weed all by myself, just minding my own business and not paying attention to the rest of the world."
"Wait, wasn't it suspicious? I mean, children of celebrities went there, you'd think security there -"
"I might not have been smart or the most popular but I wasn't stupid, Nadine. Me and Darla had a stash underneath some shrubs behind the tree, that's where we hid everything. My Mom always brought me back some Chanel No. 5 every time she went shopping, thinking it would make me convert over to my non-existent feminine side. So I used it to hide away the smell. It was weird, because all the girls pretty much hated me but always wondered why I smelled almost like them."
"Okay, you are digressing like crazy here. How did you two meet?!" She crumpled up the paper wrapper in front of her, shooting it into the trash like a basketball and missing by a milestone. "Oh well, the janitor's got it."
"Nadine," I smacked her arm gently. "Okay, so anyway, the bell rang and so I hid everything and got up to leave. I always waited until everybody left so nobody noticed, but just as I look up, he's there, just sitting by himself on a table. We lock eyes for a second and I try to walk faster so I could avoid any awkward conversation. But he said hi, probably because I was the first girl who didn't want anything to do with him. To cut it short, he knew I had weed and smelled it on my clothes. I tried to deny it like mad but no dice, he was 18 and knew more about crazy things than I did. He asked for some and I didn't really want to give him any cause those things were expensive. But eventually, I let him have some. So we smoked behind the tree and ended up just talking until school ended. He didn't even bother going to any classes and neither did I."
"And they didn't go looking for any of you?" Nadine asked, twirling a piece of her teal streaked hair.
"Oh no, they did. They were just dumb enough not to look behind the tree. They never go there, everyone was always too scared because it was far away from everything else and there were rumors about people dying there but me and Darla just made all that up to reserve the tree. And, well, about Darla, I found out she moved away to some other country. She didn't even say goodbye...and that was the last time I ever saw her." I spaced out for a second, drunken with all the memories.
"In a way, Cam replaced Darla but he became something more. Eventually, he would sit with me during lunch all the time to hide away from everyone. Girls gave me a ton of looks in the hallway when they thought we were dating. Then they all started leaving him alone because they thought I had influenced him into the likes of me. God, I wasn't that bad. I just didn't give a fuck, that's all."
I pictured my image back in high school, laced up boots instead of uncomfortable black leather shoes. Stupid school uniform. Long, loose, but wild chestnut colored hair, always all over the place. Nose piercing that no longer exists today. The gum I always smacked and snapped inside my mouth. That scowl I always had on my face, due to the 'same shit, different day' attitude I had. My sometimes stoned, glassy amber eyes. The countless bracelets I had stacked on my thin wrists. Why did I look like that in high school? And why didn't Cam care? He belonged on an Abercrombie & Fitch paper bag and I belonged on a cheap t-shirt from hot topic. We were so different. But after everything else, we became inseparable.
"Well, times up, Missy. Tell me more after work. My boss kills. He'd lecture me if I took too much time." Nadine stood up, hugging me as she gathered her purse. She started for the door.
"Nadine, wait."
She turned around, hands on her hips as she waited for me to say something.
"Is it... is it wrong to -"
"To wish he wasn't marrying her? Heck, I'm wishing it for you." She winked at me. "Whatever you choose to do, don't make a mess."
There won't be a mess, because I choose to do absolutely nothing about it. Absolutely nothing.
I walked off from her office, all the way to the parking lot. I sat in my car, staring at myself in the rare view mirror. I shook off thoughts I knew shouldn't have even been alive inside my head. I looked down, the letter open inside my palms. I looked down at the bottom of the page where tear stains were visible. I traced the faded trail of ink smack dab in the middle of the word Love with my fingers, feeling it's wrinkles just as I had felt the sharp jabs in my heart that day. I shook my head and folded it back into my purse, feeling somewhat ridiculous about being tied to something in my past, something that had happened so long ago. I could not move forward if I wasted any more time thinking about it. I put the car in drive and exited the curb, hoping to exit this feeling as well.
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I stared at myself in the mirror. I had lines under my eyes, my face too raw and real. I really did wish I had natural beauty. I swiped at them, hoping to smooth out the lines that I knew would come back. I grabbed the powder that sat a midst all my other make-up products and started coating my face with it. I was standing in front of my mirror in a gray sheath dress, analyzing myself before heading to the engagement party. Nothing seemed to be working today. Or maybe because it was today in general. My hair was all over the place, loose and free, not wanting to obey my hands no matter what I tried to do. I looked just as tired as I felt. I took the bottle of quality aged wine next to me, the one I had managed to splurge on to give as an engagement gift. It had a huge silver bow tied around it.
"Hey Loraline... Cam." I sighed then smiled big again, now offering the wine to the mirror as I imagined our greeting. "I bought you some wine, I really do hope you two enjoy it. Have a nice marriage! Oh, hey, Cam, remember when we went out ten years ago? Oh, Loraline, your fiancee and I used to sneak into our pool house and share our secrets underneath the moonlight, butt-naked in each other's arms-AHHH! GOD!" I slammed the wine bottle on top of the dresser, stomping as I walked to my bed, sitting down as I breathed heavily.
"Get it together, Ava!" I whispered, breathing through my lips. "That was the past. It's all over now. He's getting married, be happy for him. You don't even feel that way anymore!"
I gripped my chest, whispering all of this a bit too fast for it all to be true. But it had to be true, I, at least, had to make it true. I didn't care anymore. Yes, of course, that's the truth!
I got up and snatched the wine bottle from the dresser and got my clutch, taking one last look at the mirror to adjust a piece of hair that was out of place. I stopped, my gaze staring back at me. I tried to look as pretty as I could, then I realized how stupid I was being. It shouldn't even have to matter, the truth is telling me that there's no one to impress. Yes, that's the truth calling. And I am going to listen to it whole-heatedly. Still, I couldn't help but run back into my closet and change into my creme colored pumps instead of my white ones.
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