Is Quarrelling Healthy in Marriage

At the time a couple get married, they are usually happy and in love. Many couples enter marriage with many dreams and great expectations of an eternal joyful co-habitation. Because they love each other they believe that they will automatically live happily forever. But because there is some adjustment to make about some of their inevitable differences in personality there are bound to be problems and conflicts which however they should try to resolve amicably.

Effective communication is the key to marital stability. Each partner should give vent to his views freely. Quarreling is a means of effective communication in marriage because in polite discussions most partners are not always wholesomely frank about their feelings in a particular situation so as not to arouse the ire of the other.

Quarreling helps each partner to acquire a deeper knowledge of the other. The realization that your love is strong enough to survive a disagreement is of benefit to your marriage. Cathartic quarrels help to vent some of the tensions developed over a period of time. There are two schools of thought concerning quarreling. Some people feel that polemic encounters between couples should be avoided at all cost while the other group believes that quarreling is an unavoidable vicissitudes of marriage.

When quarreling is avoided at all cost, there is no opportunity of resolving a conflict of opinions and consequently tensions develop and disharmony set in. In this era of women liberation, quarreling is inevitable because it is clear indication that the husband and wife regard each other as equal and not subservient partner. The most important thing in all quarrels is how they are handled by the partners. It is a yardstick of measuring if the couples are building a successful marriage or a tumultuous one.

It is healthy for a couple to feel that quarreling is an acceptable part of marriage and that disagreement in opinion should not lead to separation or divorce. It should however be realized that your partner will be more honest with you if he/she knows that occasional disagreeing with your ideas will not end your marriage. A person who is well-adjusted and faces life with realism cannot afford not to disagree with her partner occasionally because she knows that sulking or brooding or being moody about problems do not solve them but only leads to discontent and sometimes to separation or even divorce.

When a woman fails to give vent to her problems and makes no attempt to try to solve them, it often stultifies what would have been an idyllic relationship. When you argue for what you believe, it helps to strengthen your marriage because then it becomes symbiotic relationship where both partners contribute to the marriage. Quarreling could be constructive or destructive. Destructive quarreling mostly involves speaking slightingly of your partner in such a way as to bring his name into disrepute, passing derogatory remarks and displaying of excess anger by one or both partners. In this case, the partners are rarely able to solve the problems and it leads to profound frustration and unhappiness.

It is dangerous to belittle your partner or mention his weaknesses during a quarrel. In some people’s tantrum, they say things that hurt their mate so much only to regret saying them later. A quarrel is constructive when the partners discuss the issues of disagreement and learn to communicate with each other.

A quarrel should purge your mind of your earlier tensions, resentments, fears and anxieties. No two people can live for years without some problems, conflicts and pains. Therefore quarreling is healthy.