Is One Worthy?

I can't process this.
What's happening?
I'm officially lost.
This is like an unanswerable question.
Like an unseen force handing you repeated blows to the back of your head.
I don't understand.
I just don't understand.
The only thing that seems to appear in my mind crystal clear is hate.
It solves what I cannot.
Which is almost everything.
I have not a clue as to what I am doing with 'me.'
I have lost almost everything that should mean something to me.
It hardly means anything.
I feel more alone then ever, as if the whole world has turned a cold shoulder.
What can I do?
I will do anything to hold onto the last bit of good in my life.
Am I worthy?
I don't deserve that last bit of precious gold, when I touch or get near, it slowly burns away and I am left with ashes.
A cremation of what could have been...
What should have been.
So I must not touch or get too close, for if I do I'm afraid I'll have nothing left.
Past experience is the best teacher.