Interchangeable Fate - Chapter 1 - Part 3
Third part to Chapter 1.
"Ugh, I just wanna puke," Catherine eyed them in disgust, rolling her eyes. "I swear, their vagina's are ready to fly out of their skirts."
I laughed at this, "Come on now, at least they've got spandex underneath them. At least give them that."
"Whatever, we would actually like to see some real dancing," she answered. That was Catherine, quick to judge but was always friendly and accepting. I looked at her as she gazed at Barry, smiling so genuinely that I thought for sure, maybe she did see something in him. I wonder what it must have felt like.
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On the way home from school, the subway was nearly empty. I sat far away from a woman who's head kept bobbing up and down as she dipped in and out of sleep while holding onto her groceries. A man sat on the very end, headphones loud, head nodding to his music, puff jacket enveloping his whole body. I watched the sunset flash as it cut through buildings and landlines, disappearing and reappearing again through the windows. I squinted my eyes, remembering the time my Father did the same while covering my eyes with his own hand.
My head was so small that his whole palm shielded my entire face from the blinding sun until the subway dipped into a tunnel. I looked to the seat next to mine, placing my hand gently on top of it, the surface warm from the sunlight. I imagined him sitting there with me, still alive and very much in my life. I smiled at the thought of him pulling me closer before, wrapping me inside his jacket as we tried to make room for another passenger. I can still recall the smell of hard work on his clothes, stains from the construction site visible on almost every patch of fabric. I looked up in my own reflection through the window, alone and distant. I looked at the person there, looking back, with a blank expression that was quite hard to read. Somehow, I knew her mind wasn't there. I felt like walking up to her and waking her up to reality, that the good things were untouchable now, fragments of her yesterday now becoming pigments of her imagination.
When I got off the train, I weaved through all the people crammed inside the Penn Station, walking up the stairs as fresh air filled my lungs, my body reaching the surface. I walked a couple blocks until I finally got to our store, I peered inside and spotted my Mother already getting ready to put her coat on.
"Oh good, you're here," She saw me walk in as she grabbed her purse. "I just need you to re-stock the candy aisle, bunch of kids came in today, it was almost hard to handle with all the squealing and - oh never mind, I'm off to work. I'll see you at home." She kissed me on the cheek before disappearing out the door.
I walked to the back room, where boxes upon boxes of packaged candies were stacked against each other. After grabbing a couple boxes, I got to work. I was halfway through the whole rack when my eyes fell upon the neat assortment of packaged gum just next to the candy. Almost every kind had gaps from where a customer had purchased some. Except one. I dropped the candies in my hand slowly back into the box as I picked up a package of strawberry peppermint Mighty & Minty gum, Robin's favorite flavor. I ran my fingers over the glossy plastic covering of the box, reeking of strawberry peppermint aroma. I sighed, "who's gonna eat you now?"
Then I pictured Robin and where he might've been in Nebraska, or what he was doing. I didn't even know which city he traveled to. Was he getting into trouble over there too? Was he under the strict supervision of his Mother, changing little by little? Was it making things better or was it making everything worse? Maybe he thought of me, maybe. I couldn't help but think of all the things that could have gone through his head those times when he would stare into space. Somehow, I wish I knew better that something had been bothering him, hurting him inside. I didn't even try to open him up or get through his mind, if I did, maybe then, things would've been different. Just then, the front door chimed, indicating that there was a customer. I looked up, placing the gum back in its untouched state before looking back for the last time, becoming nothing but a speck as I took a step farther, farther, and farther.
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I unlocked the door to our apartment as I came home from the store that night. Pushing open the door, I yanked off my coat and turned on the lights. I walked over to the kitchen table where bills, receipts, a small calculator, and a pen were scattered all over it. I figured my Mother was doing the bills while I was at school, with this, I sat down. I picked up a list she had written on a small grocery list stationary, things scribbled or checked off. I read each line. Need to cover: electricity (paid for), water bill (paid for), monthly on apartment (paid for), taxes (need more money), insurance (halfway, need an extra shift for whole payment), groceries (this week's paycheck will cover it), Alison's laptop for college (been saving up for a while now, just need at least $200 more). I read no more, my eyes getting a little watery. My heart was breaking a little inside as I pictured my Mother at work, scrubbing bathrooms and making beds but never stopping because perhaps, just this little extra effort, could somehow cover the leftover payment just for our water, just for our life. I took a look at all the bills and got started, finishing each and every one for her so she wouldn't have to get back on it later.
After putting all the bills in a neat stack, I looked around our tiny apartment, its coziness making up for its small space and gloomy atmosphere. Then I saw a pair of her recent working shoes, battered, dirty, with holes on it. I stood up, walking over to where they were before taking them in my hands and sitting on the couch, just examining them under the dim light. I ran my fingers up and down the rough surface, thinking of how much her uniforms didn't suit her, they never did. Her beauty was too much for it, that not even the tattered shoes made her feet look shameful. As if the shoes were telling me something, I found a new hope unraveling inside me, it was decided. I was to change this, all of this, someday. For now, that was my number one goal. So I climbed into bed that night, Robin, my Mother, college, and all the things I wished to change circling my mind until the fan on my ceiling was the last thing I saw.
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"Oh my God," Catherine sped up as Ventura came into view, her car jumping over a speed bump. "We are late, varsity starts in ten minutes, I bet you Barry's part is already done!"
"Maybe if you didn't spend so much time choosing which shoes to wear-"
"I know, I know!" She waved a hand at me, frustrated with her eyebrows crinkled as we pulled up into the parking lot. "Okay, hurry, we have to run."
"Already ahead of you!" I called after her, sprinting out of the car and running to the gate as we heard the instruments of the band start to blend together in unison. After getting into the packed stadium, we raced to the bleachers in the middle, spotting a couple empty ones there.
"It's so packed in here but man, these are good seats," she said, her chest heaving as she tried catching her breath. "Oh- HEY!" She waved her hands and beamed like there was no tomorrow, about ready to pop out of her seat and roll off the bleachers. When Barry saw her, he smiled back, but quickly turned back to his trombone, his part coming up after the drums.
The first time I saw Barry was when we were Freshmen, where Catherine spent the whole year pining after him. Even then, I saw nothing great in him, he was nice, but he was just there. Bland, like flavorless water. Apparently for Catherine, that was the best kind, pertaining to the love of her life, of course. I yawned as the marching band exited the stadium, replaced by roaring football players that emerged through a banner that said 'Watch out, we are the Ventura Vikings!' next to a picture of our mascot. Then, the field was a blur of colors, gold and teal were ours, and Blakeslee High School repping orange and blue. We hated them. Ever since 1959, they've been our arch enemy.
"I'm going to the bathroom, watch my stuff, yeah?" Catherine got up to leave.
"Sure," I murmured, wondering why in the hell I was here as I yawned some more, pulling my jacket against me tighter as the sky began to grow dark.
I kept my eyes on the field as the football players did warm ups, aggressive and hyped up. Just then, I noticed #4 running across the field as if he was heading to the bleachers. He took his helmet off as he stepped on the track and slowed down in front of the fence separating the bleachers from the field. I noticed a familiar curtain of wavy, strawberry blonde hair belonging to a girl who leaned on the fence, apparently waiting for him. Then I remembered her from the parking lot, I did not see her face but I knew it was her hair, therefore, it was her. Since the bleachers were a couple inches higher than the ground, she had to look down at his face as he looked up at her. He smiled as she touched his face with both hands, and I just sat there, watching this for some reason. He touched her face as well before reaching in for a kiss, their faces slowly meeting. It was like something was tugging at my heart strings, just seeing this. I began to wonder how something like that must have felt like...mind-blowing? Scary? Or, just plain lovely? I didn't take my eyes off them, "Yo, Girardi! We're about to smash! Go suck face with your girlfriend later!" I heard the other football players say. #4 flipped them off and laughed before turning back to give his girlfriend one last, quick kiss. He ran back to the field and placed his helmet back on.
"Eying Curt Girardi, I see?" Catherine made me jump as she plopped down next to me, I didn't even notice her come back. "He is so hot."
I snorted, "No, just watched him smooch his girlfriend, they're cute." I shrugged.
"Huh, cute alright." She rolled her eyes, twisting her hair in a bun before sticking some chopsticks in them.
I was surprised, "what does that mean?"
"What do you mean 'what does that mean?" She looked at me in disbelief, "you know Curt Girardi and Jennifer Goodman and their reputation as a couple, the whole school does. Ever since freshman year, Ali, and we're seniors now."
Now I was confused, "I've heard of their names and know that they're both rich, but that's the only thing I know about the both of them. I don't pay attention to school gossip," I shrugged, turning to face the field.
"Oh my God, they are anything BUT cute," Catherine shook her head as her eyes bugged out.
"Okay, well, what makes you say that?" I asked curiously.
"I guess it's true, you really don't pay attention to school gossip," she said, as if this was to blame for my being naive and dateless besides Robin all throughout high school.
"Uh, I would like to remind you that Ventura has over 5,000 students so you know, it's sort of hard to." I informed her.
She sighed, "okay, I'll fill you in on everything."
"Enlighten me," I chuckled.
"Well, their families are really good friends, his Mom does junior league, her Mom does junior league, yadiyadiyadiya, you get it." She made hand motions as she talked, "Both of their families are, like, rich cause his Dad owns some business stores and stuff, her Mom and Dad are entrepreneurs and what not. Well, I guess both their Moms got pregnant around the same time-"
"And you know their background, why???" I cut her off, giving her a look.
"School, duh. No interrupting!" She squealed, but quickly got up to cheer our team on as it made its first touchdown of the night.
"Oh my God, I go to school with a bunch of freaks," I said under my breath, my left hand resting on my cheek as everybody else got up all around me to cheer and stomp their feet. "Stalkers."
Thank God she didn't hear me, "Okay, so anyway, they basically grew up together and were inseparable until 8th grade, when they started liking each other. So they've been together since then, but it doesn't really count cause- okay, here's the dumb part, they'll be together for like a month or so and then someone does something stupid or they get in a fight and then break up, hooking up and getting with other people in the process. And it's been like that ever since freshman year." I watched #4 as she explained all this. He was the quarter back for the team.
"Whenever you see her with some other guy, that's when you know they've broken up again. She would actually try to get serious with other guys for rebounds, you know. But he really loves her so he never gets serious, just hooks up with other girls until he gets back with her again. I think it's her fault but I don't know, everyone's got their own side of the story." She babbled on and on, this new information processing in my head, I would have never known. Here I was thinking, maybe they were in love.
"Huh, well that's stupid. They're basically taking each other for granted," I heard myself say.
"Like that's anything new," she shrugged. "They are a hot couple though, gotta say. Their parents expect them to get married, which they both have no problem with since they both think they're soulmates. But that thing they do with the breaking up is far from being soulmates. Good luck with them trying to make THAT work."
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