Inches Do Matter

When they say the internet broadens your horizon, folks, they aint whistling Dixie. Junk mail is the cross all us internet junkies have to bear and, after a while, you sort of become immune to it. Spam filters help, of course, but the most annoying ones usually manage to wriggle through. And sometimes, one of the survivors can make your day.

Like this beauty I received today. It’s actually an advertisement for a revolutionary product called ManSizePRO. And what is it? Simply put, it’s a penis pill. I know you can get pills for practically everything these days, but this was a new one to me. Of course, it could just be that I’ve led a sheltered life, but this blew me away.

If one can conceive of an El Dorado for the average wannabe stud, ManSizePro has got to be a real contender. Women claim that most men think with it, anyway, so anything that enhances its potential has got to be on top of men’s Christmas list. I could paraphrase the ad’s copy, but that would not do justice to what is, in my opinion, creative inducement at its best. So I will just reproduce part of it verbatim below.

"The Average Penis is less than 5.5 inches Long - Is That Enough?
The average penis size is only 5.5" when erect and 90% of men possess this size. Are you really happy with being average though? You would not want an average car, an average house, an average girlfriend or an average life so why settle for an average penis? Do you think women want someone that is just average? Of course not. ManSize Pro is a cutting edge formula created to give you THREE improvements in your life - penis size, erection strength, and long lasting stamina in bed. Not only that, but as a side effect of these great changes, you will see an increase in sperm volume as well!"

For the visualization-challenged, the ad helpfully furnishes Before and After illustrations – not to mention glowing testimonials from ecstatic customers. In those ubiquitous management books, we are always exhorted to aim for ‘customer delight’. ManSizePro certainly deserves the cigar.

As if us ordinary guys weren’t insecure enough already, the ad exhorts us to "give her a better than average lover…be the best you can be." Fair enough, except that they keep raising the bar. I thought my pumped up six inches was quite respectable, until it was pointed out that I’m not even close. And didn’t I read somewhere that only the front third of the vagina has the pleasure receptors? Well, then, even three inches should do the job, shouldn’t it? I was feeling smug about my superior knowledge till I read the next paragraph. "Even if it's "scientifically" big enough, the psychological effect of having a penis which you or your partner considers small can affect your confidence in the bedroom." Man, these guys are on the ball.

Surprisingly, considering the sexual nirvana it promises, ManSizePro comes pretty cheap. A nine month supply will set you back a trifling $300 – and satisfaction is guaranteed or your money back. They fail to mention what would happen if you stopped using it, of course. Does it shrink back to its original size? You won’t know till you try.

Apparently, there are television commercials of this wonder drug being shown on CBS, NBC and Fox. My big regret, as an Indian living in Bombay, is that I’ll probably never get to see it – and I don’t mind admitting my imagination is running riot. If some kindly soul has seen it, I would be grateful if he could provide a blow by blow account and put me out of my misery.