I'm Tired

I'm tired 
Tired of pretending 
Tired of lies
Tired of living
I can't breathe 
It feels like I'm suffocating 
Every time I think of you I get dizzy
I get scared
I get tired
Tired if hiding you in my brain forced to never think of you except in my worst nightmares
Tired of not being able to hold on
Hold on to life
To sanity 
To happiness 
For even one second of the day
The only time being when I can hold the cold hard embrace of metal against my skin 
Feel the Woosh! of relief when it slices my worthless skin
Cutting into my veins spilling crimson filled "happiness" over onto the floor. 
And letting my pain go with it.