I'm Not Gonna Say I Love You

You wake up one morning and find yourself questioning the existence of what was. There was a time when all he could think about was you, and your desires. Every which way you went, he was always there; praying, caring, and encouraging you to do better, make him proud. But today, well it is a new day. Love seems to have lost all meaning because when he touches you, there's a distance you've always wanted to avoid. He has changed the way he looks at you and there is hardly anything anyone can do about it. Even when your gaze meets his, you cannot shed the feeling of cold emotions away. Why is it that whenever you begin to trust someone completely, things need to go wrong or turn out so badly that you, and only you get hurt.

Hours are spent crying alone, making you like a sour loser. There have been many instances where you've wanted to show him your real tears, but all that comes out is anger, dissatisfaction, and rejection. You have feared this day all along; being lonely in this world is what you never wanted for yourself. You wish to scream from the top of your lungs and tell him how he has ruined you forever. His love is all that was true to you and you believed him when he uttered those three beautiful words. It is a wonder that you still remember that moment when he took you in his arms and confessed to love you, cherish you, and treat you like a princess. But alas, the era of princesses is surely gone as all you feel at the moment is a puppet in his world. LOVE... what does this word even mean? There are millions of people on earth and this word has conceptualized into millions of different meanings.

Out of all those meanings, what you thought of love was an undying phase in your life, which would stay with you forever. But 'forever' is a term that keeps altering with every step you take in life. Change is inevitable and he certainly has changed a lot. You notice it in his eyes; the way he speaks to you; his lips touch yours. It is easy for you to say that he's different now because of the way he speaks of loving you. Which is why, today you have made a decision. A necessary decision has to be put forth to protect your fragile heart. You have decided that you're not going to say I LOVE YOU to him till the day you believe in his love again. He may think that this is his fault or a punishment for not being able to show you how much he cares. But in actuality, it is a test for you to see if he's still yours; a cruel reality which only you need to face because you have loved him from the moment he came in your life.

Today... your lives have turned into something that neither one of you can explain. Words need to be spoken. Feelings need to be shared. And love, well... love has to once again make room in your hearts. Can this day truly bring him back to you?