I'M A SURVIVOR Chapt, 8

The calor drained from my face so fast I felt dizzy.
"Um, what?"
"You're pregnant, congratulations!" I am barely fifteen years old, why is she congratulating me?
"I-I can't be pregnant. No." Viola lays a hand on my arm.
"It's ok Audra, accidents happen. No one will think any less of you."
"No you don't understand!" I grab her sleeve. "I can't be pregnant, I haven't been with anyone. You have made a mistake." I say, turning back to the nurse. She smiles softly.
"We are sure, Audra. You are carrying a child in you. These things can happen, even when we don't want them to." A child...in me...oh my god. My breathing goes ragged I turn back to Viola, pleading.

"I haven’t been with anyone I'm sure. I will say it to a truth sayer. I swear Viola." My breathing became uneven.
"Calm yourself now Audra. It's going to be ok."
"You're a virgin?" Viola whispers to me, the nurse leaves.
"Tell me I wasn't raped when I was bashed." I plead, she shakes her head.
"You weren't." She was positive.
"Yes! I haven't been with anyone! Ever!" I lie back down, trying to control my breathing. She strokes my arm soothingly.
"I think I will go to the cottage now." I say getting up.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, of course." I try to act casual. She nods, and I could see it in her eyes. She thought I had slept with someone and was just trying not to make myself look bad. I walk back to the cottage slowly. I lay my hand on my stomach, it was as flat as ever. I shake my head, telling myself 'the nurse was wrong.' So why didn't I believe it?

Walking through the cottage they were halfway through tea. Walking straight pass them I slowly climb up the stairs and walk to my room. If they said anything to me I didn't hear them. I must have seemed like such a drama queen to them. I curl up on my bed, but I didn't sleep. The sun rises but I couldn't bring myself to get up so I wait, and wait and wait. Eventually when I hear the Midday bell ring I tell myself to get up. Five minutes later I struggle up and head downstairs.
"Sleep well?" Joseph asks pleasantly, running a hand through his sandy hair as I take a seat at the table.
"Didn't sleep."

"So what were you doing all night and all morning?" Asks Oliver, sounding rude again.
"Nothing." I answer honestly, pouring myself a glass of water.
"Aren't you hungry, Audra?" Leo asks. I shake my head, sipping the water. Oliver looks at me in disbelief as he shovels food into his mouth without seeming to think about it.
"If you're not hungry then skip dinner again as well." Says Oliver, I shrug, not having much of an appetite.
"Ok."
"No Audra, you eat when your hungry." Says Joseph, throwing Oliver a dirty look. I shrug, indifferent.

As it turned out I was definitely not hungry at dinner, I felt sick.
"Aren't you eating Audra?" Sito asks in a disapproving tone.
"I don't feel well." My voice sounded faint.
"Do you ever feel well?" Mutters Oliver.
"No, I'm cursed." I mumble, looking down at the plate of food, holding my stomach.
"She hasn't eaten since Midday yesterday, Dedicate." Joseph dobbed me in, I throw him a filthy look before glaring at my plate.
"Audra, is this true?"
"Yes." I mumble to my plate.
"Eat something please." He says.
"I'm not hungry." I grumble.
"You're uncle would be disappointed."

"My uncle wouldn't care." I disagree, looking up at him.
"Oliver told her not to eat." It was Leo this time, I throw him a filthy look too and he looks guilty.
"I don't give donkey dung about what Oliver thinks!"
"Then why aren't you eating?" Leo insists.
"Because I don't feel well!" I hiss at him, hands still on my stomach. "Excuse me." I mutter, pushing my chair back and climbing upstairs.

I go back to the nurses for a second opinion the next day, they thought I was pregnant too, and didn't believe me when I said I hadn't been with anyone. I arrive at Dale’s door knocking loudly until he opens it.
"I have a growth in my stomach, can you heal it?" I ask, tears in my eyes.
"Oh, Audra." He pulls me close to him and I cry into his shoulder. Pulling me inside he closes the door with his foot and leads me to a chair. I sink into it shaking and he makes me a cup of some kind of tea I had never tasted. then sits down opposite me.
"Now Audra what's wrong?" He starts.
"Nurses keep saying I'm pregnant." I mumble. He pauses.
"Are you?" I look up at him.
"I don't know! I can't be!"
"Why not?" He sounds casual.

"Because I have never been with anyone!" He hesitates, considering. I take a small sip of tea. Just then there was another knock on his door. As he crosses to open it I wipe the tears on my cheeks away. He opens it, sighs and walks back to his seat, sitting back down.
"Audra, this is my mother. Vivian."
"Hello." I say in a small voice, clutching my tea cup. Vivian had dark hair, with grey streaks through it and a plain face with few wrinkles. She had deep blue eyes and with them she looks from me to Dale and back to me.
"Hello." She holds out a hand and I take it. I gasp and had the sudden feeling that Vivian was in my mind. Images flew before my eyes.

There was me and Dale, looking intimate from her point of view but checking over my scars, professional. Then there was Leo being sweet to me and my suspicions. Then there was me being bashed and cut, and Adam kissing me while I was held unconscious. Then there was Adam and I sitting at the table, just talking and enjoying each others company. I can't breathe. She was watching the massacre through my eyes. Then my dead parents on the bed and me stroking mums hair.
I can't breathe!

She finally lets go of my hand and I gasp for air, feeling like something was wrenched out of my chest I lean forward, coughing. I look in shock from Vivian who was now sitting down on another chair to Dale and back. Then look down at my tea in confusion. What just happened?

My breathing was ragged and shallow.
"Sorry, my mother doesn't know a lot about privacy." Dale’s says through clenched teeth. I look up and meet their eyes. I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out so I close it and look back at my tea. I have the feeling she saw more than the flashes that went past my eyes. I try to control me breathing and there was an awkward silence.
"Your pregnant?" Dale whispers, leaning forward.
"Apparently." I shrug, laying a hand on my stomach subconsciously.
"But you haven't...?" I shake my head, not looking up.
"I should go." I say, putting my cup down. "Thanks for the tea." With another odd look at Vivian I flea from the awkwardness.

Lying on my bed in my room there was a knock at the door.
"Go away!" I call.
"Audra, it's dinner time." It was Leo.
"Go away!" I repeat louder. His footsteps retreat. A minute later there was a louder pounding on the door.
"Go away." I repeat tiredly.
"Audra, it's Sito. Let me in." I let out a short laugh.
"It's not locked!" The handle spins and he steps inside.
"You are coming to dinner." He says forcefully.
"No, I am not." I say flatly, still lying on the bed.
"You need to eat!" He hisses.

"I had morning meal and midday, now leave me alone." I say flatly.
"Viola is here." He says, trying to lure me into coming to dinner.
"I'm not coming." I say. Seething, he leaves, slamming the door behind him. I sigh, resting my head back on the pillow. A minute later Viola walks in, closing the door behind her.
"How are you holding up?" She asks, sitting on the side of my bed and stroking my hair.
"Fine." I lie.
"Sito tells me your not eating properly."
"I'm not hungry."
"You should be eating right, for the baby."
"I'm not hungry."
"Do you feel sick?"
"Not at the moment." I tell her honestly. She nods.
"Come to me if you need anything." She goes to leave.
"Don't tell Sito, he will be angry."
"I won't. Sleep well." I'll be happy if I can sleep at all. I fall asleep soon after Viola left, and sleep fairly well all night, apart from the nightmare. But this time I was one of the women who got caught, and they were cutting me, and pressing down on me. The pirates turn into Adam who kisses me deeply again, fumbling with the string of my corset.

I wake up sweating, I kick off the blanket, rolling over and go back to sleep almost instantly. I don't dream anymore, or if I did I couldn't remember it. I wake late, stumbling down while they were preparing Midday. It occurred to me I hadn't been to meditation in a while.
"Sleep well?" Joseph asked when I start laying the table.
"Yes, actually. What about you?"
"I slept well thank you." I nod. Joseph was kind. Midday went fast and the boys were son off to their lessons, I stayed in the dining room. Leaning on the counter I put a hand on my stomach, no obvious bulge.
"Hello?" I whip around, Adam was at the door with a bunch of flowers.
"Oh it's you. Good afternoon." He holds up the flowers.

"I'm sorry I practically bashed you to death." He says. I smile. "Got a vase?" I turn around and reach up on tip-toes to the top cupboard. Pulling down a vase I see Adam grinning, he walks over and places the flowers in it before taking it to the sink to fill it with water.
"Forgive me?" He asks, setting the flowers in the middle of the table.
"I forgive you for hitting me. I don’t forgive you for lying on top of me like you did, or kissing me." He makes a face.
"Yeah, sorry about that." I laugh, scuffing up his hair. He laughs too.
"I'd like to say your a good kisser but I really can't remember it that well for some reason." I joke pointing to my head. I lean against the wall casually. He takes a step closer.

"Let me refresh your memory." He takes one more step until his body was against mine. Pushing me against the wall he puts his hands around my waist and kisses me slowly, then more ferociously and before I knew it I was kissing him back. But then I was pushing him away, eyes wide.
"I'm sorry!" He says, wrenching his hands away and putting them in the air, actually looking sorry.
"That's ok." I breathe, a little overwhelmed. He takes another step away, looking guilty.
"I should go." He says.
"No, don't leave." I say, taking another step towards me. Our eyes meet and I was lost in his for a moment, an on going blue like crystal shards. For one wild moment I thought we were going to kiss again. Then he looks away and takes a deep breath.
"No, I should go. Don't want to tempt myself." He smiles a little, then leaves.

"Where are the flowers from?" Leo asks as he walks in early that afternoon.
"They're from Adam." I say, smiling.
"You mean bash-you-to-a-bloody-pulp-kiss-you-and-almost-kill-you Adam?"
"That’s the one." He snorts, eying the flowers with distaste.

The next afternoon a messenger knocks at the door.
"Are you Audra?" He asks.
"Yes." I say hesitantly.
"Dale wants to see you in his workshop." He says.
"Now?" I ask. He shrugs and nods. I thank him and he walks away in the direction of the metal smith. I look around me, I didn't really need anything, so I grab my cloak and leave.

Vivian was there again when Dale led me in, I eye her nervously. Dale leads me to a seat and then sits in another. Dale sighs.
"My mother has something to ask you." He turns to her.
"I want to knock you out so i can rummage through your mind to look for a reason why you might be pregnant."
"That’s not a question." I point out in a small voice.
"Can I knock you out?"
"What could be a reason for me being...pregnant." I struggled to say the word. She looks at Dale who sighs.
"Memory concealing spells that might have been cast without you noticing or potions that might have been slipped to you." I shiver at the thought of being with someone and not remembering. I did want to know how I got pregnant but I honestly didn't trust Vivian.

"And why do I need to be knock out for this?" I ask nervously. Dale turns back to her.
"People thinking just slows me down and doesn't let me sort through the memories thoroughly enough, and their own thinking and how they take the event might get in the way." Her voice had no emotion and Dale sighs again, turning back tome.
"You don't have to do this Audra."
"No I-I want to." I admit.
"Good, lets get started then." It was as quick and easy as that. Dale walks to me, offering me a hand to help me up. He takes me into a small bedroom and offers me a vial of green liquid looking mush while Vivian disappears into another room.
"Drink this, it will put you in a chemically induced coma." I take it from him.
"Lie down." He pushes at my chest. I nervously uncork the bottle and gulp it down before lying down, feeling nervous.
"It's ok, you can trust Vivian."
"I don't trust Vivian, I trust you." I say, looking into his deep hazel eyes. They were the last thing I saw, I don't even remember closing my eyes.

I was somehow vaguely aware of Vivian with me, but very vaguely. I recognised the memories she looked at, my getting bashed, my time in the cottage, my time with Dale( several times) and Adam. And the massacre and even memories before that. But I did not register this consciously.
"Have you given her the stuff?"
"She should wake up soon. What did you see?"
"Plenty."
"And...?"
"And I'm not going to share her personal experiences with you! That’s her choice."
"But has she...?"
"Done it with someone?"
"Mother!"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Has she what?" There was a sigh.
"Has she slept with anyone?"
"Yes, she shared a bed with her mother when she was two." There was incoherent mumbling.

With child. I sit up with a gasp. Then a groan.
"Oh. Ow."
"Easy now." Dale’s hand smooths back my hair. I swing my legs over the side of the cot, laying my head in my hands.
"Are you ok?"
"Headache." I mumble.
"Sorry." He says.
"No, I think it's just from having my brains laid out on a table and sifted through by your mum." I groan, sliding off the bed onto my feet. I look out the window and swear.
"What time is it?" I pick up my cloak from the chair next to me and hurry to fasten the buckle, my fingers slipped over it.
"Whoa, slow down. It's just past Morning, are you hungry?" He takes the clasp out of my hand and does it up easily.

"No! I have to go! Sito and everyone...!" I groan, I'm gonna have hell to pay.
"Ok then, bye." I wave absently over my shoulder and try to be as quiet as I can when I got back to the cottage. This was especially hard when the house was dead silent during meditation. Oliver for some unknown reason had his eyes open and looks at me in surprise. Everyone else had their eyes closed and Sito was talking softly. I gently hold a finger to my lips to ask him to stay quiet and then sneak into my room, he snickers but turns back to the group and closes his eyes. I push the hood of my cloak down and unclasp it easily. Throwing it aside I gently climb onto the bed and fall asleep with the morning sun streaming onto my face. I was awaken only a few hours later with a heave pounding on the door.
"Audra wake up and come and have some food!" It was Leo, I groan in response, pulling the covers over my head. Sighing I push the blanket away and change my clothes, tying my hair back.

Sito meets me at the bottom of the stairs and hands me a letter. It was from my uncle. I slip it in my pocket. Reading it that afternoon I gap at it. He was home again, already. According to this he was scheduled to get home yesterday for the week but did not now when this letter would reach me. ' ...if it reaches you in time I would much appreciate your company...' I lie the letter down. Well I could definitely use a holiday. I pack my bags and write a quick note.

Gone to see the Duke.
Sorry
Audra

I scrawl it in a hurry and leave it on the dining room table where they would find it. Walking around to the stable I find a girl at least five years older than me,
"Good evening." She says, wiping the sweat off her forehead. "How can I help you?" She continues.
"I was wondering if I could borrow a horse?" I ask nervously, I didn't even know if you could borrow these horses but she nods easily.
"One silver and you will get half back when you bring the horse back. You will need to leave some details." That was easy enough, I was gone within the hour.

On the way to my uncles I stop at an inn for the night, nice place apart from all the whores and the men walking to them eagerly. Shaking my head I finish my dinner and go to bed. My uncle was already home when I arrived the next day, and I spent two full days with him before he left again. I must admit, they were a boring few days and as much as he tied the conversation went no where. But still I was sad to see him go on the third day and I wave goodbye hesitantly and with a sigh. This meant I would have to go back to the temple now.

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Thanks to all of the people who commented so far, they are heartwarming but I have decided
I WILL NOT POST THE NEXT CHAPTER UNLESS I GET 10 COMMENTS good or bad. so if you have taken the time to read, please take the time to leave a short comment.