I Will Not Cry

Chapter One

Everyday of their lives people shed tears; tears that help lessen the burden in their hearts, but not every individual can shed tears. Instead, they unload themselves through slightly less socially acceptable ways. I grew up believing that to shed a tear was to show weakness. Crying was for, and exclusively for the pathetic, those who were ok with letting themselves fall apart. Me, I promised myself that would never happen, especially if I hit rock bottom. Well, what do you know? Rock bottom did not seem too far off.

In the name of tradition, every summer holiday my family frequents the ranch we own. This summer, and as it is summer now, we were hauled down once again. Dad bought the ranch just so we could spend summer vacations there, his way of creating family time, or the illusion of it. To be honest, this whole shindig is just another ploy of my loving father's, or more so the politician in him. Seeing as how I have to spend a whole vacation alone with a measly 5th grader for company, I'm freakishly giddy with anticipation. It's going to be one hell of a picnic alright, with me waking up to slimy tadpoles my bro slipped under the sheets every morning. Let's just say I ain't expecting anything miraculous to happen.

God forsake that little Johnny boy should fall ill, if that were to happen then the whole universe would collapse, would it not? Oh, woe is me! As far as I can remember, John never hit the sack even for a fever, some health. Just one more thing I lack as a Cassidy family member. Every waking moment has been a struggle with epilepsy for me. Luckily, I'm a person who finds pleasure in pain. Besides, I have relatively good days with my condition, even if I get sour-faced when I spring into one of my 'episodes', which is occasionally. My 'episodes', as I refer to them are just another way of describing my seizures, they can be quite embarrassing in crowds.

Ever since my family doctor opened the subject of me having this 'condition', as my parents call it, I have had both legal guardians pretty much alienate me. I can't find it in my heart to blame them though, their lives were hard enough before, simply dealing with a bratty teen. Now they had the 'condition' to address as well. Ooooo scary! Knowing my parents, they are handling it beau-ti-fully, which usually entails shifting the care factor to the medical professionals. My old man must have had one bad scare if he's ready to give me practically anything I want and more, a hazardous gift in any adolescent's hands. Just for the record, if anything goes haywire, the oldies are to blame, not 'moi', thank you very much!

The day we arrived at our ranch home I just dozed off completely, having been prey to a killer headache. It wasn't until the crack of dawn that my family was blessed by my presence at the breakfast table. As usual, Johnny boy dug into a bowl of cereal, and Dad, an omelet. Mom was happy with her bagel and cream cheese just like at home. I on the other hand had thirst for change. No one cares, so why not go out on a whim and have a chocolate croissant. Surprisingly, my mom actually looked up as I grabbed one.

"That can't be good for you honey. Why not have some toast to eat." Ok, now I was totally freaked. Who was this impostor parading beneath Laura Cassidy's countenance and where had the original fled? The sincerity in her words was so touching I could cry, not that I would though. I put the croissant back and headed towards the toaster instead. After I had finished eating, issuing a simple wave, I fled to the stables. The stable, with its treacherous horses, was my sanctuary. The stable had nothing but fine horses but they weren't even as half as great as Black. Without him, I'd say these vacations were pretty much a drag. When we come here on vacation, I ride him almost every day except when I'm feeling under the weather. Once in a while, Black and I even ride into the sunrise, imagine that, riding into the sunrise. It may sound cheesy, but believe it or not, moments like this keep me sane and surprisingly optimistic all yearlong. Even without my horse, I enjoy the sunrise because it offers hope to everyone who lacks it and to those in serious need of it.

Black is somewhat of an olden day beauty I'd say, a stallion with a sleek black mane and coat. Out of a thousand names I could have given him, I finally chose Black. Why you ask? I don't really know, it just seemed to kind of suit him you know. My dad bought Black a long time ago off a ranch buddy of his, with the notion that it would be a gift I'd cherish in the future. When I was old enough, he paid to have me take riding lessons and on my twelfth birthday, I was handed Black. This was all ages ago though, back when I was his 'little munchkin' and we didn't have a million hurdles between us. Thinking back, I can't believe it was even possible for us to have been that close. Him being him, and me being me, I'm eternally grateful to him for giving me Black. Perhaps he's the reason why I love Black so much. Black is the only existing shred of memory of the old Derek Cassidy and my Daddy.

It surely isn't every girl who gets a stallion to ride but I'm an exception. Horses and I just seem to click, they understand me, and me them. For Sarah Cassidy taming horses is a breeze, comes naturally. As it is, I even got work as a trainer where I used to have riding lessons. Being eighteen now, they have even offered to let me manage the stables by myself. My financial state is more than secure but the last thing I want is to be dependent on my parents.

Anyway, as I walk into the stable, a ranch hand is intent on his cleaning. Seeing me, he finishes up and leaves, making sure to nod in my direction on his way out. I walk slowly towards Black. It's been a whole summer since I've last seen him. Black whinnies when he sees me, shaking his head vigorously.

"Hey ya boy, how've you been? Did you miss me? Huh, Black, did ya?"
Black whinnies in response to my question and nuzzles his nose up against my cheek. I stand for a while stroking his mane. I then open the stall and guide Black out. I throw on his saddle, and mount. We start with a trot, which then transforms into a powerful gallop. I let out a howl of laughter, forgetting myself in the noise of charging hooves. I must not have heard the hooves behind me, because the next thing I knew, two mares are pulling up beside my horse that I had just reined in to a trot.

I don't think Black liked them much because he kept tugging me in the opposite direction. Yet, curiosity had an iron grip on me. I stayed glued to the spot to find out whom these mystery troopers might be. Directly beside me was a young woman about my age with blonde hair, she seemed of quite a small stature, but had the most delightful, childish face. I immediately took a liking to the girl. The guy beside this girl didn't exactly reek of cheerfulness as his companion did. In fact, the vibe I got from him disgusted me. He was clearly a member of the opposite sex, and an arrogant one at that. To sum him up, he appeared audacious, around his early 20s, had rugged features, and gave off the impression of arrogance in his every gesture. Disrupting my train of thought, the girl began introducing herself and her companion.

"Hi, I'm Katie Pine and this is my brother, Jesse. We just bought the ranch farm next to yours. I was hoping we'd meet someone our age here. See Jessie here, he's a real pain in the ass when it comes to having fun. I'm looking for someone to replace him. I saw you riding just now, you are amazing! Where did you learn to ride like that?" I couldn't help but smile, her wide, jovial smile was just infectious. But before I could respond, her brother cut in.

"Banshees don't need teaching, sis." He let out a light chuckle, his features spreading to allow a malicious grin.

"Forgive Jesse he's just a stuck-up jerk like the rest of them men. I apologize."

"Hey, I don't go around snarling at you sis, so now why then would you. It's the truth I speak too, from where I was standing she looked the part of a banshee, no doubt." His statement was accompanied by a low grunt.

"Do you honestly have to be such an asshole? If you can't stay civilized, gladly leave." She didn't seem too happy when she said what she said either. Even I was a little spooked out by her tone. A wave of expressions swept across her brother's face, but none were too clear. He stayed quiet following his sister's outburst. There was an awkward silence hanging in our midst. I decided that I'd break it. I truly hated awkward moments, they seemed to go on forever once they crept up on you. I stuck out my hand for Katie to shake.

"Hi! I'm Sarah Cassidy and it's been a pleasure meeting you Katie....and your brother."

"Well Sarah, how bout it, will you ride with me, I mean us sometime? That is, if you have time."

"You bet, but just now I have to head home for lunch. Care to join me?" Before Katie could respond Jesse answered.

"No thanks, we're just fine." His sister glared at him, harrumphed and continued to speak.

"What my brother means to say is that that's a generous offer, and we'd be delighted to come, but another time perhaps." I gave her a quick nod, a smile and gently nudged Black to turn back. I could still feel their stares burning into my back as we galloped away. I felt an instant bond with Katie, brothers, such a pain in the ass. Speak of the devil, and he will appear. As I returned Black to her stall, John came running in. He bent low, his hands on his knees, panting from all the running.

"Mom's calling you in for lunch, where the heck did you go, I looked everywhere?"

"I went riding. Now run along and tell mom I'm coming twerp." With that, he raced out, kicking up dust as he went. Brothers I tell you, annoying as hell! I walked into our kitchen just in time to see what we were having. There was the main course, and then all the nutritious guck on the side. I look down on my plate to see green sticks with bumpy thorn-like things sticking out. I let out a sigh.

"Mom, what is this stuff," I say pointing to the guck.

"That's asparagus honey, it's good for you!" I slipped a few into the napkin in my lap hoping no one took notice. No one did, except one, he hardly qualifies as human though.

"Mom, Sarah's throwing that green stuff in her napkin instead of eating it." Great! I was caught.

"Sarah, just for that you get an extra helping. We do not waste food in this household young lady. Besides, you never even gave it a chance." I groaned, but in what world did groaning help anyone. I shoveled them in as fast as humanely possible. Ok, I admit I'm overreacting a tad but this stuff was downright gross. I pretended to be sick and excused myself.