I Own Colorado Boulevard
A short fiction about TETH (The Elegant Talking Head), an alter-ego from the place where I work. Even mild mannered TETH has his limits............!! Written in the form of a press release and published in the Tijuana Times.
Location: The Borders, Language, and Culture Bar--Tijuana, Mexico-Thursday, April 15, 2010
Headline: TETH arrested after punching out little old lady from Pasadena in border bar brawl
Just another sleepy tax day in the Borders, Language, and Culture Bar in Tijuana, Mexico, located at the corner of La Cucaracha and Brenda Linda.
But the sleepy atmosphere was frantically shattered when, from a dimly lit corner of the bar, an ugly curse slid heavily from the lips of a little old lady. A well traveled little lady. From Pasadena. THE little old lady from Pasadena. Yes, the very one who drives the T-Bird and is the terror of Colorado Boulevard.
According to witnesses, the curse was personal and vile and carried in its ugliness a threat of tawdry violence.
As the full meaning of the ugliness sunk slowly into his consciousness, the skin of the strange little man, known only as TETH, who was seated across the table from the little old lady from Pasadena, began to crawl with a sullen rage. The rage boiled and seethed until he was no longer in total control of his emotions.
"One more word about my Toyota Tercel and I'll deck you-you--you little old lady from Pasadena" witnesses heard him snarl--between clenched teeth, in an angry, high pitched, eerily accented voice.
But just like the song says, the T-Bird driving little old lady from Pasadena was fast--and mean. After all, SHE was the terror of Colorado Boulevard.
Quicker than the eye could see, an open switch blade knife suddenly appeared in her hand and it was pointed directly at TETH's quivering Adam's apple.
"I'll say anything about your tinny little Toyota toy car that I want to say and there's not a teeny little thing you can do about it, TETH" she sneered, directly up his nose, causing the nose hair to shrivel. "After all, I own Colorado Boulevard!"
All ginned up on talk radio, cheap Mexican Borders, Language, and Culture Bar Beer, and insults about his most cherished worldly possession--his prized Toyota Tercel--TETH could take no more.
Highly trained in the fartial arts of Belgium, he deftly disarmed the little old lady from Pasadena with one left chocolate drop to her knife wielding hand.
Then, like his hero, The Duke, he delivered a huge right hook right on the kisser of the little old lady from Pasadena, sending her sprawling onto the floor, spraying sawdust, stale beer, cigarette butts, dried sputum, and dead cockroach carcasses flying in every direction.
She slid through the open door and landed with a sickening thud in the street.
Right at the feet of an officer of the Mexican Federal Police.
As reporters' flash bulbs popped, TETH arranged with the officer "to pay his fine directly to the officer to give to the court on his behalf."
Then he helped the little old lady from Pasadena to her feet, brushed her off, deeply apologized saying "sorry Ma", and exclaimed for all to hear "Nobody messes with the Tercel, not even Ma. It has four cylinders and it goes like a bat out of the well!
No T-Bird could touch my Tercel.
And that's a fact."
Headline: TETH arrested after punching out little old lady from Pasadena in border bar brawl
Just another sleepy tax day in the Borders, Language, and Culture Bar in Tijuana, Mexico, located at the corner of La Cucaracha and Brenda Linda.
But the sleepy atmosphere was frantically shattered when, from a dimly lit corner of the bar, an ugly curse slid heavily from the lips of a little old lady. A well traveled little lady. From Pasadena. THE little old lady from Pasadena. Yes, the very one who drives the T-Bird and is the terror of Colorado Boulevard.
According to witnesses, the curse was personal and vile and carried in its ugliness a threat of tawdry violence.
As the full meaning of the ugliness sunk slowly into his consciousness, the skin of the strange little man, known only as TETH, who was seated across the table from the little old lady from Pasadena, began to crawl with a sullen rage. The rage boiled and seethed until he was no longer in total control of his emotions.
"One more word about my Toyota Tercel and I'll deck you-you--you little old lady from Pasadena" witnesses heard him snarl--between clenched teeth, in an angry, high pitched, eerily accented voice.
But just like the song says, the T-Bird driving little old lady from Pasadena was fast--and mean. After all, SHE was the terror of Colorado Boulevard.
Quicker than the eye could see, an open switch blade knife suddenly appeared in her hand and it was pointed directly at TETH's quivering Adam's apple.
"I'll say anything about your tinny little Toyota toy car that I want to say and there's not a teeny little thing you can do about it, TETH" she sneered, directly up his nose, causing the nose hair to shrivel. "After all, I own Colorado Boulevard!"
All ginned up on talk radio, cheap Mexican Borders, Language, and Culture Bar Beer, and insults about his most cherished worldly possession--his prized Toyota Tercel--TETH could take no more.
Highly trained in the fartial arts of Belgium, he deftly disarmed the little old lady from Pasadena with one left chocolate drop to her knife wielding hand.
Then, like his hero, The Duke, he delivered a huge right hook right on the kisser of the little old lady from Pasadena, sending her sprawling onto the floor, spraying sawdust, stale beer, cigarette butts, dried sputum, and dead cockroach carcasses flying in every direction.
She slid through the open door and landed with a sickening thud in the street.
Right at the feet of an officer of the Mexican Federal Police.
As reporters' flash bulbs popped, TETH arranged with the officer "to pay his fine directly to the officer to give to the court on his behalf."
Then he helped the little old lady from Pasadena to her feet, brushed her off, deeply apologized saying "sorry Ma", and exclaimed for all to hear "Nobody messes with the Tercel, not even Ma. It has four cylinders and it goes like a bat out of the well!
No T-Bird could touch my Tercel.
And that's a fact."
Post Comment
