I Love You, I Love You Not (10)
Chapter 9 took long because I was trying to make it perfect. Read, Enjoy and Comment.
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Chapter 10- It's New Day
I was passed out in my bed when my mother, Gina, pulled my blinds open.
"Would you wake up!" Gina giggled. "It's past noon! Aren't going to a sermon today?"
"Nah. I am not in the mood to pretend to be Jewish., today." I get out of bed slowing my mother gasps when she sees my bare upper body. I yawn tired from all the nightmares I had in one night.
"How did that happen?!" Gina is all over me.
"I broke my collarbone and my arm." I laugh at her worries. "It doesn't hurt as much."
"Wait 'till your father hears about this." Gina shakes her head.
"Mom, you know I love you right?" I need to tell her.
"Yeah." Gina eyes me now. "What's wrong?"
"I met her." I state it perfectly and Gina is confused but then she stands up. She shakes her head. "She is still the same old. She isn't with my father anymore. She is dating the guy who this to me."
"No." Gina is crying now. "She isn't your mother. I am your mother."
"Mom, I know-"
"I can't believe...we tried..."
Gina is freaking out and it takes about all will power I have left in me to comfort her. I tell her to sleep on it and then we can discuss this farther with dad. I chase her out and I sit on the couch. What's with every girl in my life either leaving me or freaking out on me. That's when there is little knock on my door.
"Mom, you don't have...Joanie?" I look down at the little girl who is holding a bag.
"I ran away. Mommy says you won't be coming by anymore. That's what she said about my father too. Then I never see him. I don't really love him. I lied! I lied to you and mommy! I don't want him as my daddy anymore. I didn't forgive him. For once, I met someone who wants to be there for me. My dad thinks I am ugly!" Joanie cries against me and I snuggle her into my arm. "But you think I am pretty. Just like Anima, my doll!
"Joanie, it's going to be okay." I say even though I am not sure I believe that myself.
"No. Mommy says I shouldn't love you because you don't love me at all!" Joanie cries harder against me. My shirt gets soaked up.
"No, mommy was wrong. I do love you." It feels weird to say it but also good. "I love you more than my mother ever could love me."
Joanie's body starts to tremble but she is fine. Her arm cast is covered with stickers of bunnies and pretty rainbows.
"Joanie, you have to go home now."
"Please let me stay! I promise to be good!"
Her words sound so familiar. I don't want to keep her here and then her mother gets worried. But I call Sara and tell her Joanie is here and that I'll bring her home later. Sara says okay even though she is still pissed off at me and when I walk back to Joanie, she is passed out on the couch. I take off her shoes and carry her and wrap her up in my bed. I kiss her little forehead. I grab some clothes and go take a shower as best as I can without getting my bandages wet.
I sit on my couch replaying the events of Sara. I remember her smell and touch. I remember the kisses we shared. Then I hear a knock on my door. I answer it and it is Frachesca. She is smoking a cigarette. She barges into my apartment trembling.
"I am sorry!" She cries pacing back and forth. "I didn't want to do it. You know after I drove off I just wanted to go back. When I use to beat you I just wanted to stop and love you! I mean what Robert did to you was wrong. When I first saw those eyes, I knew it was my son. My son is still alive. For some many years I thought someone had kidnapped you and killed you. Our marriage didn't last long. Your father left me nothing. He left and went away. I thought I loved him but I couldn't! I just couldn't love him!"
My mother smokes heavily and I am thinking she has completely lost it. Then I remember my father. I want to see him again!
"Mommy, how could you?!" I am fighting the tears. "I begged and begged and pleaded and pleaded. But you drove away! You don't know what it was like to lose your mother like that. I was cold, hungry and lonely for two days."
I start to cry now. My mother wipes my tears away.
"You don't understand. I thought I had it all figured out. I wanted you back but I saw you. You had nice clothes, parents who provided for you and a home. A stable home where no one could harm you! Please understand my reasons." My mother heaves another breath and then the memories crash into me again.
"No!" I push her away from me. "Look at me. Sara was right. I can't love anybody. I just need you to get out of my head. You lie, you hurt and you leave. Why do you? Because you think the world revolves around you! It doesn't. Get the hell out of my life! I hate you. I freaking hate you."
I said the word hate to the wrong person. My mother slaps me and but she realizes her mistake and runs out the door crying. Now I know what I have to do. I call the police and report everything that happened to me, Joanie and Robert. Then I wake up crabby Joanie.
"Joanie, I need your help." I put her shoes on. "Can you run really well?"
"Yeah." Joanie rubs her eyes and yawns. "Where to?"
"To mommy's house. Okay?" I pick her up and when we reach outside I race her all the way to Sara's house. Joanie runs like fire and keeps in step with me even though she is lugging around the doll I gave her.
Sara looks at us. I feel dizzy and Joanie leaps into her mother's arms and closes her eyes.
"If I could take back everything I said between yesterday and today then what I meant to say was I love you. I love you. I love you. All the way to Mt. Everest. Sara I did you a big favor and I love you. Love you. Love you. Robert was such a dirty bastard! He wasn't right for you but I am." I am out of breath but I got to tell her. My whole body is in pain and I feel like I might pass out right in front of her. Shouldn't run when you just took pills to control you. That stuff makes me sleepy and dizzy.
"Maybe you should sit down Craig." Sara pulls me inside and sets me on the couch. I lay down and take even breaths and close my eyes.
"I love you all the way to Mt. Everest too." Sara whispers in my ear and she lays something cold on my head.
Joanie is kind of just observing but she yearns to be with me. She lays herself on top of me trying not to hurt my right side. She loves me too.
"He loves us, mommy." Joanie whispers closing her eyes.
"I know he does. Now, next time you two try to run fourteen blocks make sure all your bones are in place and not broken and your pain killers have worn off!" Sara jokes. "I'll go make you guys some dinner. Just rest."
Sara kisses Joanie's cheek and but she kisses my lips and I have that same taste on my lips and I lick it. Sara giggles and plants another one on me.
"Don't lick it away." She giggles and plants another one.
But when she left, I licked my lips anyway.
"Taste like love, right?" Joanie whispers in a sleepy voice.
"Love isn't how I put it." I am falling asleep as I yawn my last yawn. "It's a new day."
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