I Love Him, I Love Him Not - 5

Hey guys.

Thank you for all the reassuring comments that you amazing people wrote even after I went all phyco on you. (Sorry about that - no, really.)

As for me, don't ever knock therapy, because it works! Especially secret therapy. I'm feeling a lot lighter now and I wish I could send you all hugs through the computer screens for forgiving me so quickly.

(My mother is now looking at me wierdly because I am cuddling the moniter. lol)

Thank you loads for all the great comments! I love you people. :)

Latoya - O.M.G. No way. You are NOT Starri Nyght, are you? are you?! Because - wow. Just wow. I ADORED The Assasin's Love, but I lost track of it and couldn't find it again. If you are Starri Nyght, you are absolutely amazing, and it's an honor to have you comment on my stories. :) (By the way, you know when I said I'd write a million comments under different names? I did something better than that - I told all my friends about it! If you don't get more comments now, tell me - because that means I have some people to beat up. ;) )

Miniman - Thank you. Just thank you. :)

Everybody else - I love you! Yay!

Enjoy the rest, people! (Pic is of Lucy.)

x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x

"Hi, Cole." She husked, leaning towards him in a flirtatious manner. I swallowed. "Irena, Nathan." She nodded, smiling at the other two. I began to walk again and stopped by the table.

Everyone except for Lucy grinned at me.

"You look great." Irena complimented, looking me up and down. I felt a light blush trace my cheeks, knowing that I could never look at good as the tanned blue eyed blonde that I currently stood next to.

"Thanks." I mumbled, shuffling my feet a little. Cold smoky blue eyes glanced up at me disdainfully.

"I seem to have interrupted a little party." Lucy said apologetically, smiling at the rest of my friends like they were her friends too. She apologized, but didn’t stand up. "I guess I’d better go."

I was just about to agree with her, to take my rightful place on the booth, when Cole spoke up, his voice friendly and expression slightly awed at the ice queen’s amazing beauty.

"No way. Stay here. I arranged a date with you for today, so we’ll have a date for today." He shrugged an arm about her slim shoulders, immediately making me feel like the biggest, greenest, sourest gooseberry that had ever lived. I blushed harder, shuffled a little more and glanced at Irena. She barely shot me a look. Her arms were wound around the birthday boy, and he seemed to be enjoying it.

"Well I came to say that I couldn’t make it. Um…my little brother business and all that." I said, but I wasn’t sure if anybody had even heard me. Irena was my best mate, Nathan was one of my vaguer friends but a friend all the same, and Cole had seemed really attentive and affable the last time we’d met. What had changed? Lucy Waterman was added to the equation, that’s what had changed.

Shrugging, I issued a wave their way and turned to walk straight back out again. Hot tears already filled my eyes, and I didn’t want anyone to see them. How could I ever compete with Lucy? She had it all; stunning looks, good grades, money and an amazing reputation for having the best boyfriends.

As I pushed the glass door open, I glanced back and saw Cole’s gaze fixed on me. His expression was slightly worried, and he raised an eyebrow in questioning, beckoning me over again. I shook my head and was about to smile when Lucy turned his head back with her hands, smiling, and said something that made him laugh and forget all about me.

Giving him no time to blink, I began to run, and soon, I was out of there.

Maxi was surprised to see me when I got home. He was even more surprised to find me in tears. Expressing emotions like this wasn’t something I usually did – the weather usually evinced all my anguish for me.

"Hey, what’s wrong?" he asked worriedly, springing up straight from his slouched position. I glanced at his ruffled hair and white cast and for some reason, this made me cry harder.

"Nothing." I said. "Nothing’s wrong."

In a few large strides, I ran up the stairs and burst into my room. It was neat, as always. I looked at the perfect bedspread and bland, tasteless colours and suddenly, anger built inside of me like a tidal wave. All at once, it crashed down and left me drowning in fury.

Sobbing heatedly, I tore the room apart, scattering efficiently piled papers across the desk and the floor, kicking the open door closed and messing up my carefully made up bed. The outburst was no release though, and I was soon tearing out of the house, running as fast as my legs could carry me.

I knew where I was going.

Hills Park wrought iron gates loomed above me, and I clutched at them, tugging their restraining chains. It was closed for the monthly clean up, I knew that, but I still needed to be somewhere open, somewhere comforting and yet somewhere desolate. The park, when needed, provided that state.

Finding that the lock wouldn’t budge, I walked a little along the street until I found a crumbling bit of tall wall. It had loose bricks and footholds, which meant I could scale it efficiently and jump over the other side.

The grey stone brick was rough beneath my skin, and my fingers were raw when I finally accomplished my mission, but I didn’t care. The view from the top of the wall was breathtaking.

The public park, at the best of times, was a pretty place; vibrant with blossom and blooming flowers in the spring and winter, scattered with fiery coloured leaves or blankets of snow in winter. When I went, Autumn was drawing to a close, and the trees still held, although barely, branches of glittering orange, golden and crimson leaves that curled at the end and browned at the tips. The brown tips did nothing to wane the beauty.

I jumped off the wall effortlessly and surprised myself with the easiness of my landing. I felt light, empty, no longer anguished like I had been. Looking back, I wondered embarrassingly why I had been so unreasonable at a little rejection. So Irena was cool with me.
Nothing new. So Cole, a new guy, didn’t like me. Definitely nothing new. So Nathan was…being Nathan. Um.

Shaking my head in confusion, I began to walk. The park had been closed, but hadn’t been cleaned yet, and I was glad. The grass beneath my feet was overgrown and tangled with pretty weeds.

My footfall steady, I let my legs lead me to wherever they wanted to go. My mind was no longer playing the previous hideous scenes over and over again in my head; I never was one to dwell in self pity and gratuitous misery. Eventually, I focused on my path and found myself standing beside the park bench I rarely visited.

The park had a small lake situated in it, and beside it, a cluster of trees called very originally – yeah, you got it – Pine Woods. Beneath them sat a decrypt bench and opposite, a path which was very popular with joggers. Normally, it was saturated with brightly dressed people and seemed corny and film-like. Now, in the soothing quiet of the evening, it was beautiful.

Wow, look at that.

The days had shortened considerably, and as I sat down on the cool wooden slabs of the bench, my eyes were drawn to the implausibly large moon. It hung low in the air, unveiled by shadowy clouds, clear for all to see. I felt an urge to sit beside it, amongst the stars, worry and trouble free, looking down on the trivial, buzzing things that were human lives. But I reconsidered. After all, it must be very lonely up there. Even more lonely than down here.

Sadly, I closed my eyes and bit my lip, making a wish.

I wish I find love, I thought sheepishly in the cool night air, feeling the slightest bit foolish even though there was no one there to see me act so immature. Although the ache of wanting someone by your side must have been something all sane teenagers experienced, I felt stupid for acting on it.

Laughing, I ran my hand through my breeze tousled hair and raised my gaze once again the sky. It was so clear; it seemed close enough to touch.

"I wait for you into the night,
And think of you till dawns new light…" I whispered to the moon, shifting so I was lying instead of sitting on the bench. The poetic words were ones that had come to me suddenly.

I lay there, watching the indigo sky shift and darken, before finally standing up and stretching my stiff limbs. I had lain in the same position for what seemed like minutes but could have been hours, just thinking about wherever my train of thought took me. Mainly, it took me towards Cole.

So, I suppose Lucy and Cole are an item now. I don’t see why I’m surprised; just that I wanted, I hoped…oh someone as pathetic as me would hope wouldn’t they? I need to get my act together, and stop thinking about him. And his depthless blue eyes, and full, kissable mouth, and carelessly ruffled back hair that just begs to be played with…

I got carried away more than once and took my fantasies of him several steps further, imagining him pulling me into his arms, the comforting scent of his chest, the secure feel of his strong arms wrapped around my waist, and aching once again with my noticeable aloneness.

As I walked back, I noticed the air had chilled, and wrapped my arms round myself, wishing idly that there was somebody there to do it for me. The climb back over the wall was more challenging than before; I expected because of my drowsiness.

When I got in, the house was buzzing with activity. I worried vaguely whether I might have been longer than I had anticipated and mum had taken it upon herself to send out a search party, but when I entered the living room, the clock only showed nine o’clock and our guests were not of the police kind.

"Summer, sweetie, you’re home. I wasn’t sure where you were." Mum said, smiling amiably, standing up and talking my arm. She presented me to the couple of middle aged people sitting on our couch without waiting for me to speak. "Jill and Randy, this is my daughter, Summer.
Summer, these are my friends Jill and Randy." She introduced us, grinning as I numbly shook the hand Randy offered and accepted the feathery peck on the cheek that Jill gave.

"Nice to meet you." I said politely, shooting my mother a confused glance. Mum pretended not to notice it and sat down again.

"Ooh, Sarah, you were bang on about the amazing cheekbones. She gets them from her father. And the shape of those eyes, too. Beautiful."
Jill enthused, ignoring me easily and chatting directly to my mother instead. Randy nodded along seriously.

I started at the mention of dad. After that, I was even more confused. Who were these people I had never seen before, who knew both my father and my mother?

"I agree. But she’s got my lips." Mum said, looking up at me from her seated position. For some reason, a frown creased her face. "How rude of me. I haven’t introduced you to Seth and Bobby yet, have I?"

"Um…no."

Mum nodded firmly and took me to the kitchen without a word. I pondered on her unusual behaviour for a quick second before the door burst open to reveal two boys, whose heads snapped up to stare at me.