I Hope to Write

Writing becomes my need, I strongly feel I should. But then I wonder, will I be able to write? I start thinking of searching for the right words to express myself. But then, I hear my inner voice say, "words should come to you, you shouldn't go searching for them." I have nothing to 'say' to the words I eagerly wait for. I can do nothing but wait for them to bless me with the means of expression.

I gradually begin to realize why words aren't turning up. It's because I have not decided what to express! Silly me, without deciding what to write on, I start waiting for words. There's so much to say, but I do not utter words...out of the fear of misspelling them! I don't word my thoughts out of the fear of miscommunicating them, I don't word my emotions out of the fear of exaggerating them. But then I realize, pouring emotions into expression, is what the world calls 'sensitivity' and sensitivity is integral to any art form; it is what keeps an artist alive. I begin to discover an artist in me, a creative writer!

There are two writers in me, I discover. They keep fighting over what I should write and how. There's a creative writer in me, who wants to come across in each of her writings. She wants a 'different' beginning for each of her writings; she wants to conclude each of her writings on an entirely different note. She wants to enthrall her readers and earn a fan following for her creativity; she prefers to call her writings, her literary creations! In the company of words, she is happy alone. She believes that life is a living dream.

There's another writer in me who wants to be informative and does not care about whether she is seen in her writings. Given a subject to write on, she wants to sincerely present all the information about it. She wants her writings to look well-researched; she wants to sound like an expert in each of the subjects she writes on. She does not want to entertain her readers, she wants to satisfy them. She does not crave for 'fans', she is eager to earn 'readers'. For her, writing is putting words together to generate meaningful content. She never runs out of ideas (she hardly needs any!) She never goes blank. She does not and never will, understand that writing is playing God.

The writers debate, compete, fight; with a zeal to overpower one another. I hope to see something new emerge from their fight. Something new, something unique, which is both informative and creative. It is not a writing, it's a literary creation that not just looks well-researched but also looks well-thought. And it's not just an output of a thinking head; it's an outcome of something heartfelt. And I hope, it has the potential of earning a fan following and also satisfied readers. I hope to see the words return and I hope I feel they are mine. I hope to regain the same old feeling of belongingness towards my very own words. I hope to write.